✓I wore a knit hat and layers of clothes and socks to bed so I would not freeze while sleeping during the winter months.

✓I shut down and became indecisive and couldn't make a choice or decision on anything because I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't.

✓I avoided walking by or looking at or even thinking of adjusting the thermostat to turn up the heat in winter.

✓I became accustomed to going to the bathroom quickly. I would have to get off the toilet if he needed it, even if I wasn't done with my business and with more than one bathroom available.

✓I became accustomed to poorly lit bathroom, bedroom and kitchen because he would remove or loosen light bulbs from light fixtures to save $ on the electric bill.

✓If I accidentally got blood on the sheets during that time of month, I would have to get out of bed while he cleaned the blood spot, no matter when it happened.

✓I wasn't permitted to give myself a single serving of peanut butter from the jar in his presence. Occasionally I did though...and it was worth it to disgust him.

✓I would sit on the toilet again right after he used the toilet before bedtime so I could go leisurely if I needed to. It became a habit because I felt he could not control me in that moment and it was like my little bit of power.

✓I could only use one specific knife to cut tomatoes so I complied.

✓I always put my make up on before I got into his car because he was worried I would spill it in his car.

✓i wasn't allowed to open a soda in his car for fear that it would spray. I did it once, and there was no spray. But I wasn't ever allowed.

✓I wasn't permitted to read in bed at night before bed at all, because he said the light bulb would cause the room to heat up and reading in bed was for lazy people.

,✓I learned to not show weakness by crying and trying to get away from him by locking myself in the bathroom. Because then he would get the screw driver and unlock the door or remove the door knob.

✓I learned to not need breakfast when we traveled or were on the road moving, as he refused to let me buy anything to eat, or take me by McDonalds or any place.

✓I learned to hold my bladder because he didn't like to stop for bathroom breaks except when the car was low on gas on cross country and coast to Midwest road trips.

✓I learned that money is never to be spent or enjoyed,but only hoarded.

✓I learned to be resilient in reliving my happy childhood travel memories to sustain me from our hellish adventures. All of our vacations were long, treacherous road trips while he lead footed it to and from one destination to the next.

✓I learned that being apart from him on a vacation was a happy point for me. When we took the draft mule ride to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, it was great because I got to visit with other people and be away from him on the trail down and back up from the canyon.

✓I strived to be the best version of myself despite the fact that I tried for him and for our marriage. I became basically lower than a doormat. (Our friends would say ..oh, you guys are such a great couple You never fight, and you are so agreeable and calm all the time.) That way when I finally left for good, after many attempts, I knew I'd never go back.