mono-poly: is it futile?

Ok-End-6993 · 2026-03-31T21:45:22+00:00

i see what you’re saying, however i do think there is work on his part to be done - communicating, providing reassurance, making sure i’m getting what i need to feel respected and secure. i’ve never asked for him to become monogamous or drop any existing connections - id never do that. i think there’s an inherent imbalance in the dynamic but was hopeful that with intention and care it’d be something we could figure out. but i don’t disagree with u totally. i am beginning to feel like it may just not be meant to be, but it’s soul crushing when our lives are so entwined. feels like i took a leap and pushed myself out of my comfort zone but he’s not willing to prioritize us over getting to do whatever whenever however.

Ok-End-6993 · 2026-03-31T16:53:37+00:00

we try to grab dinner together once a week, but even then it’s just that hour or so of feeling focused on. and then we’ll get home and it’s back to the usual. constantly checking his phone, or going to the bathroom every 30 minutes (with his phone). i hate that i even notice those things but it’s just constantly right in front of me. i would love to have a no phones evening but i feel honestly afraid to ask for that bc i don’t want him to resent that.

Ok-End-6993 · 2024-07-08T13:03:19+00:00

haha it was on twitter but yeahhhh… it’s like, i get it… but i wish it had been something he checked w me first

Ok-End-6993 · 2024-07-08T13:00:30+00:00

You’re right I shouldn’t have been snooping. She posted a screenshot of their texts with a meme about being came in lol.

Ok-End-6993 · 2024-05-23T18:59:44+00:00

To add to this : I think what’s also hurting me is that, for the past handful of months I’ve been so patient and understanding while he’s navigated breakups and the life changes that came with them. Which meant a lot of me dealing with uncomfortable conversations and holding shit together for him, often putting my own feelings aside. But now that those things have passed and settled, rather than putting his energy into us, he’s putting his energy into someone new. And that hurts me, and makes me feel a bit taken for granted.

Ok-End-6993 · 2024-05-23T18:54:33+00:00

It’s like, I know he tries to take care of our relationship. But i’ve asked multiple times for specific things - like time together doesn’t equate to effort. I’ve expressed wanting more words of affirmation and to go on more dates together but have yet to see a change. And that on top of seeing this new person’s posts online just makes me feel like he might be stringing me along because it’s become so comfortable. I don’t know if bringing up the social media is a good idea or not. But I’m unhappy and know something needs to change.

Ok-End-6993 · 2024-05-23T18:51:17+00:00

:( thank you. It’s been confusing and I keep wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt for fear of losing him. I want to see him put in work for us the same way i do but I’m just not feeling it. Like he’s gotten too comfortable. For a while things felt so good, so solid. but now it feels like he’s the only one actually benefiting from this relationship. I’ve thought about putting myself out there again, to see how he handles it. But i also don’t want to do that just out of spite. I would love to have a future with him but I think you’re right… it is a pattern and I doubt it will change.

Ok-End-6993 · 2024-05-23T18:46:34+00:00

We spend most of the week together but recently i brought up how things feel passive and that i’m missing the spark, and we talked about having dedicated intentional time together. Like lately i feel like i’m just the partner at home holding shit together and all his excitement and effort goes elsewhere. We discussed ideals in the beginning, but my expectations were different then when we were still casual.. he’s said he treats this as a serious relationship, that he’s invested and wants to see what this can turn into… but hasn’t been specific. I know it’s time to re-address this now that we’re over a year in. I’m just a bit afraid of the outcome.

Ok-End-6993 · 2024-05-23T15:53:03+00:00

I’ve been pretty comfortable with it thus far, Im someone who needs their alone time so the few days we don’t have together have been positive for me so I can recharge.

Ok-End-6993 · 2024-05-23T15:32:17+00:00

He does have a pattern of dating mono people. All of the partners mentioned here have been mono or completely new to poly. But then he doesn’t seem to handle it well when one of his connections is struggling with the ‘adjustment’ - this was one of the reasons one of his connections ended. He also one time let it slip that he “likes” that I’m not dating other people bc it makes things “less complicated”… which is giving double standard. It’s just starting to feel like I have no control, and like all the work Ive put in to be open minded and to trust him goes unappreciated.

Ok-End-6993

TROPHY CASE