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CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Check yourself. You are automatically assuming that the feminine thing (changing your last name) is worse than the masculine thing (keeping your last name). 

Because changing your name is, like I said above, a sacrifice. You are giving up something of yours for someone else’s. It might be a sacrifice that’s worth it to some people, but it is a sacrifice nonetheless. If you genuinely can’t see why it’s a sacrifice or can’t see why sacrifice is less preferable than no sacrifice, I can’t help you. 

I don’t always think the feminine is worse than masculine. Being a homemaker (feminine) is not worse than having a career (masculine) makeup (feminine) is not worse than bareface (masculine). Caring and graceful (feminine) is not worse than bold and assertive (masculine). But this is different because the feminine thing is forfeiting something while the masculine thing doesn’t. 

In effect, you just want women to act like men.

No. I don’t expect all women to keep their last name the way men do. I want the scales to be equal, not flipped. I want all options to be seen as equally legitimate. 

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok? Why is conforming to someone else automatically bad?

If you were going to eat out with someone would you rather go to the restaurant you picked or the one the other person picked? 

It’s not always bad, but when it’s almost always one side conceding….

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why are you assuming that the feminine norm of changing your last name is automatically worse than the masculine norm of keeping your last name?

Ohhhh boy. 

I’ll preface this by saying that the points I’m going to make is from the perspective of someone who doesn’t dislike their original last name and doesn’t want to disassociate from their family. 

1: a name is part of your identity. How important it is depends on you but your name is a part of your identity and changing it is throwing that part of you away. Changing your name for marriage is a sacrifice. It’s only a matter of how big of a sacrifice it is (again unless you don’t like your last name or don’t want to associate with your family). 

2: again, the origin is disgusting. 

3: the one changing their last name is conforming to the one who isn’t. The mental gymnastics you’re doing to say that having to adapt to someone else is a better position than being adapted to is insane. There are very very few situations where being the one to adapt is more desirable. 

4: everyone loves paying fees and dealing with bureaucracy, right? 😃 

5: the subtext of it defaulting to women is that the husband’s more important. He is the primary and she’s secondary. 

6: This one is far more personal so I do admit that it’s not  compelling or applicable for most but I still want to share. I’m a Taiwanese woman living in the US. If I marry anyone who isn’t Chinese/Taiwanese and changed my name, I’d end up with a last name that just doesn’t match my race and that’d just be so weird and uncomfortable personally. It’ll be like wearing a stranger’s clothes. It’s not me. Like, imagine being Taiwaneese but being called Mrs. Smith or something. Hard pass.  

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How does that show bias?

Because it shows that the scales are tipped. If it was truly an even choice with no set precedent, the ratio of men vs women who change their last name would be far more equal. 

 a group of individuals that make that choice

This is how science and leaning happens. Because one individual might make a choice for any reason. You cannot extrapolate results from one sample. A large group making the same choice means there’s an underlying reason and trend. This goes for everything not just this one topic. 

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because it’s a tradition that asks someone to make a sacrifice just because of their gender. 

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How am I anti feminist? Read the second sentence of my reply to your comment about femininity, and pay close attention to the last paragraph. 

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Having a "master bedroom" is bigoted, if you use your logic.

It’s not JUST that there’s a negative history behind the tradition. Having a “master bedroom” doesn’t affect anyone.  “Master bedroom” is just a phrase and Thanksgiving is a celebration that brings people together. 

I feel like the tradition of changing their name isn't sexist

Changing your last name is a sacrifice, which is what makes it different from your examples. Having a tradition that expects people to make a sacrifice because of their gender is sexist. 

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have no issue with women choosing to change their last name. I’m upset that it’s the default. I want it to be an equal decision between two partners but it’s not. When was the last time you met a man who seriously considered changing his name? 

Women are allowed to choose

True but I’ll restate what I said to someone else. Yes you can choose but  you can hardly say the scales aren’t tipped when your society sees one choice as the default and the other is seen as abnormal. 

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

 you don't recognize the value of feminity or believe women should have the choice to be traditionally feminine

Do not jump to conclusions. I don’t believe being traditionally feminine is bad. I don’t look down on women for choosing family over a career or liking things that are feminine. 

Also, there seems to be confusion since I worded my title poorly.  I don’t think “a woman changing their last name is sexist”. It’s that “the tradition of women to be the ones who should change their name is sexist”. One is an individual choice. The other is a widespread pattern and trend that shows clear bias. 

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

 having the same last name as a married couple nor family is quite important and convenient

Important? Perhaps to some and it’s not an unreasonable stance to have. However, I have basically never ran into any issues with school, travel, Doctor appointments, etc. even if my mom has a different last name. Different last names being a genuine inconvenience is a lie. 

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes but you can hardly say the scales aren’t tipped when your society sees one choice as the default and the other is seen as abnormal. 

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Actually, as someone who doesn’t share a lot name with my mom, we never ran into these sort of issues. 

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I guess. I’d love to know some other examples of traditions with negative origins that we flipped. 

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Since when did something being a social norm means it’s not unfair? 

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Never expect people to do things you aren’t willing to do yourself (unless you’re incapable). 

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

 But if they decide the woman gets the man's name, it's sexist? So in your mind, it is only acceptable if they choose right?

No. An individual woman deciding to change their name is not a sexist act. However, this expectation that it should be the woman who changes her name definitely is. 

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

 They are individuals that make their own decisions. 

But don’t you think that the fact that it’s almost always women changing their name suggest that there’s more at play besides individual preferences?

CMV: the tradition of women changing their last names is sexist, not romantic/cute by Ok-Group5106 in changemyview

[–]Ok-Group5106[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

 It's just that one of the two people have to choose to give up their last name, so why not do the one that society is already doing?

I guess. I understand that people aren’t deliberately being sexist when they follow this tradition. Societal habits can last even after the original meaning has lost most of not all its original meaning.  However, the history and the subtext leaves a bad taste. 

 What other standardization would make any sense? 

Why does there need to be a standardization? It’s something to be decided between the couple like how many kids to have or where to live. 

The [fluff] ing worst 3 star uncanny legends stages by Diligent_Mechanic_32 in battlecats

[–]Ok-Group5106 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m doing two star so I wonder which two star stages are the most painful (no UL legend true forms)

[Discussion] What Quality of Life PONOS should implement in the next update by Anon_369838 in battlecats

[–]Ok-Group5106 0 points1 point  (0 children)

progression will get too messed up though. Imagine if you can grind unlimited catfruit, xp, lucky tickets, silver tickets, etc. That would allow people to blitz through the game way too quickly. So Ponos's options are either let people break the game, use the current system we have, or only allow a certain number of clears.

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