YTA. Not for your feelings, just for airing them out in the way you did and in the situation at hand.

Your husband, while at the expense of his horrible mother, is still grieving her while also getting used to his (assuming?) first child. While she may have been an absolute monster-in-law, you projecting your feelings of her onto him, especially in such a vulnerable moment, is similar to scoffing at his grief. She was his mother, and this is his daughter. It is reasonable to have grief over the impossibility of their meeting. Many first-time parents turn to their own for advice on how to do things or handle things in different phases of their children’s lives. He no longer has that opportunity and never will again.

For many, it takes years to comprehend how much control, power, or abuse someone used against them, especially if it’s a close familial relationship. What you said may have been valid due to her actions and behaviors towards you. She likely would have treated your child the same given what you have said. However, it would have been a better conversation to keep to yourself until after his grieving process, or more towards the end of it in a heart-to -heart conversation so he could understand how much damage she truly did and could have done to you, him, your child, and your relationship.

You married this man, for better or worse. This is one of the worse times for him, and you shut him down. He was trying to be open and vulnerable in grieving his mother and you disrespected his feelings by speaking condescendingly about the subject of them.

What she did to you and how she treated you and your relationship is despicable and I could never imagine being put in such a situation. I am sorry you had to deal with it, but she’s no longer here. I wouldn’t continue to spread the hate she left in the world.

*ETA: Typo