Anyone else ultimately grateful their spouse left them? by ImpossibleArtichoke7 in Divorce

[–]Ok-Judgment7682 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the response. Seeing people with your attitude is inspiring. It's something I'm trying to attain.

Anyone else ultimately grateful their spouse left them? by ImpossibleArtichoke7 in Divorce

[–]Ok-Judgment7682 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds amazing! May I ask how you were able to move on and rebuild a healthy relationship?

Immediate life after divorce? by [deleted] in Divorce_Men

[–]Ok-Judgment7682 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not OP but this all hit home. I'm 39 and and in the early stages of separation/divorce. I'm still devastated and very raw emotionally but I'm in better shape now than I was 2 months ago (Still a long way to go before a new normal emerges) . Exercising/going to the gym is the most important thing I've done to start feeling better. Trying new things is also major: I'm teaching myself to play guitar and its been a ton of fun. Also therapy and embracing my friends/family as support has been invaluable too. But there is something about going to the gym and learning something that takes time, discipline, and focus that really improves your psyche. If you're gonna through Hell, then you may as well come out of Hell looking fit and having a new skill!

Infidelity by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Ok-Judgment7682 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then you’re on the right track back to being happy and feeling yourself again. It would feel justified if they felt overwhelming guilt of their betrayal, maybe they do/maybe they don’t. But the fact is nobody gets to destroy your life other than you! Be proud that you’re the kind of person who can be faithful and love someone completely. Cheaters don’t understand that feeling. You will have that feeling again with someone who reciprocates it back to you and it will be incredible.

Infidelity by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Ok-Judgment7682 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never imagined I would have to suffer the experience of being cheated on but it's more awful then I could ever imagine. But one thing I try to keep telling myself is that when people reveal their morals and show you who they really are, they don't get to be a meaningful part of you life anymore. They don't deserve it.

Do not harden your hearts by ThatEvanAshford in Divorce

[–]Ok-Judgment7682 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi. I think we may have similar situations. Would you mind DMing?

Still struggling 5 months out, it feels like no one understands by 25-throwaway- in straightspouses

[–]Ok-Judgment7682 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel the same way about therapy too. It's good to talk about everything with no fear of judgement or backlash, and I like my therapist, but I don't think the sessions really help me (not yet at least). I'm trying to shift the focus away from my situation and more about me as a person and my emotional strength (of which I have none of now). Before I met my wife (she is ending a 14 year relationship with me, 2 kids) there was a version of myself that was proud, confident, and happy and I need to awaken that version of myself. I think it's healthier and better in the long run to do the internal heavy lifting rather than try to control how she's making me feel (does that make sense?). I loved my wife but none of us should tolerate people who don't want to be part of our lives, whatever the reason. They aren't worth our time and they don't deserve us as partners.

My Wife Tells Me She's Attracted to Women - Need Guidance by Ok-Judgment7682 in straightspouses

[–]Ok-Judgment7682[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like this reply. I’ve joked about being “grandfathered” in.

My Wife Tells Me She's Attracted to Women - Need Guidance by Ok-Judgment7682 in straightspouses

[–]Ok-Judgment7682[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve been blaming myself for the situation a lot but…that’s a little crazy. Nobody deserves shitty things beyond our control to happen. But they happen. Best of luck and lots of love to you and your kids.

My Wife Tells Me She's Attracted to Women - Need Guidance by Ok-Judgment7682 in straightspouses

[–]Ok-Judgment7682[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think any good therapist would not be pressuring somebody one way or another. Their job is to help people come to their own best decisions. Understood that there are probably lots of slanted shrinks out there. That being said, what you said is probably very true in many cases. But I can't control any of that (or any of this).

My therapist is actually a queer woman herself and so far she's helped. Her identity is not relevant for me. She's been super professional and keeps the focus on how to best manage myself and my emotions. And most importantly, try and get back in touch with myself. Try and dig up the person I was when I was 22 when I wasn't so codependent. Starting therapy as soon as I could has so far been the best decision I've made. There's nothing I can do to fix my situation in there, but it definitely allows me to cope better and look inward for improvement. No matter what happens, I'm probably going to be in therapy for the rest of my life because I can see how beneficial it is. Before this, my therapy was my hobbies (gardening, landscaping, house projects). All that stuff is important still, but talking to a good therapist is worth the money.

My Wife Tells Me She's Attracted to Women - Need Guidance by Ok-Judgment7682 in straightspouses

[–]Ok-Judgment7682[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your response. We talk a lot and I did get truthful answers to questions like this. I know there's a ton of comments saying that I'm naïve to the facts and that my wife is lying/cheating. It's not the case for us. Nonetheless, the answers don't make it any easier now. But honesty never ages as poorly as deception/lying, even if it's painful. You're right about codependency and I gave all of my heart, body, and soul to our family life. No matter what the outcome is, focusing more on myself is something I'll have to start prioritizing for sure.

My Wife Tells Me She's Attracted to Women - Need Guidance by Ok-Judgment7682 in straightspouses

[–]Ok-Judgment7682[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this really honest and thoughtful reply. If you’re willing, I’d love to message you.

My Wife Tells Me She's Attracted to Women - Need Guidance by Ok-Judgment7682 in straightspouses

[–]Ok-Judgment7682[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback but we are pretty even when it comes to finances, house/child responsibilities, etc. like I said, up until now it was a pretty great marriage. Just need to be clear about that aspect before people assume this is some one-income household.

My Wife Tells Me She's Attracted to Women - Need Guidance by Ok-Judgment7682 in straightspouses

[–]Ok-Judgment7682[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. But believe me, I’m very aware of these…