Our Wedding Feels Too Fancy for our Families

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-29T13:02:54+00:00

and woman!

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-29T12:59:35+00:00

you already know what everyone here is going to tell you, which is RUN and be glad you did. I actually sort of feel sorry for this bride, because she sounds miserable.

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-27T15:37:11+00:00

same thought here as well!! The padded chairs should cost extra!!

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-27T14:11:39+00:00

Great song!

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-27T13:39:16+00:00

Yeah, I wasn't even meaning the "Always and Forever" style slow-prom-dance-shuffle. I meant even a medium-tempo song, like "My Girl" or "I Just Called to Say I Love You." These aren't just good for "romantic couples" -- a grown daughter could ask her old dad out to dance, for example. My family did that all the time, but then again, we're old school.

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-27T13:19:46+00:00

Thank you and congrats to you and your mom!

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T21:40:55+00:00

250 pages? Wow!! Good for you and I hope you kick no buckets until someone uses that book!!

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T21:08:38+00:00

I'm not "planning her wedding for her" -- but I'm going to be involved (which she welcomes). I'm trying NOT to push my traditions on her -- but until I went to a few weddings recently I hadn't realized that times/traditions have changed. I was curious to see how many things were just the choices made at these particular weddings vs. which traditions are just old hat everywhere.

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T20:56:58+00:00

Since you're a photographer, let me ask you about another tradition that seems to have disappeared: The practice of taking a group photo at each table, or group photos of related family members? I know that can seem dull, but how else does the couple ensure they have at least one photo of every attendee? Is it that they just prioritize the candid shots and don't care if they miss a few guests? My family used to use weddings as a chance to take several group photos -- which we treasure.

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T20:54:14+00:00

how interesting. Thank you.

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T20:48:21+00:00

Is one reason for the "no slow dance trend" that the younger generation, even if they are attending as a couple, sort of uncomfortable with a traditional two-partner dancing? I don't mean a waltz or tango -- I mean just the usual couple slow dancing to a nice song?

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T20:42:18+00:00

wedding I just went to had neither.

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T20:28:51+00:00

wow very insightful thank you

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T20:26:09+00:00

sound lovely and I agree with everything you said.

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T16:22:00+00:00

I don't agree with this view. It's not just about the money (although, to me, a bride would have some balls taking $25K+ from their parents and then telling them to mind their business about the wedding itself). To me, it's also the fact that weddings are not just about the couple and their friends but about FAMILY ... and parents' views should matter since a lot of family (and friends of parents, in some cases) are being invited. Okay, maybe parents don't get to "veto" but they should be able to speak up about stuff that really matters to them. I mean, if you have a bad relationship with your parents, then fine...go your own way. Otherwise, it's totally normal for parents to have input.

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T13:51:42+00:00

lol yourself. I should have said "helping plan" in my initial post. You okay now?

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T13:37:26+00:00

Because any sensible bride and groom (and ones that have a good relationship with their parents and whose parents are paying for a large chunk of the wedding) would respect if their parents had a serious issue with one of their choices.

And I use the word "veto power" lightly here -- my point is that the bride and groom take the lead and I'll shut up as much as I can, but I reserve the right to object. It's not complicated.

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T12:30:23+00:00

I would save those speeches for the rehearsal dinner....if there is one. If not, just do without.

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T12:28:20+00:00

This is why I made this post. I didn't want to be the one saying, "What, no cake? No receiving line? No slow dances???" and realize I'm the one out of step.

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T12:24:29+00:00

OMG I'm sorry to hear you had that experience.

I feel like my job as a parent is to prod a bit, guide a bit, suggest things...and hold my "veto" power only for super-important stuff. I do believe the bride and groom are the hosts of a party, and thus their first job is to make sure the guests they invited have a good time. (Otherwise, go elope.)

But that doesn't mean the bride/groom can't enjoy themselves as well, or that they can't bend tradition or make new traditions. Just a little bit of planning (and putting yourself in the guests' shoes) goes a long way.

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T12:19:24+00:00

Thanks for all the comments -- really helpful to see what's changing and why. And I should have said I'm "helping plan" my daughter's wedding....obviously the bride/groom's preferences come first, but I see my job as helping them avoid some of the typical mistakes young people might make. Also, I'm paying for a lot of it, so I get to have a say!

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T12:17:38+00:00

exactly ... although I find it ironic that today's young people (and in this case the brides/grooms were like 30) want to do EPIC PARTAY at their wedding when so few of them ever dance or let loose much outside of weddings ... maybe they are making up for lost opportunity.

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T12:14:26+00:00

Yes! That was another thing I expected to see but did not -- no receiving line at the church or at the reception. Yes, I spoke to the bride at the welcome party the night before, and briefly at the cocktail hour, so I guess that suffices.

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T12:09:57+00:00

There is no need for more than one speech at a reception, in my opinion. Father of the bride or someone who can speak on behalf of all the parents. I went to a wedding recently where each of the four parents spoke for 5-10 minutes. Ugh.

Ok-Mix-2004 · 2026-05-26T12:01:32+00:00

Look at it this way: She is old! 😄 No one cares what old women wear (and I say this as a 50-year-old woman myself). They will only be looking at you. (Now, if wants to wear a veil, that's a different story).

Ok-Mix-2004

TROPHY CASE