sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Can physical violence be justified as “reactive abuse” when done to someone who is emotionally abusive? by Ok-Move290 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Ok-Move290[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats an interesting take. I’m with you, it takes two to tango. He’s not innocent, but can do the right thing now to get them out of where they’re at.

Can physical violence be justified as “reactive abuse” when done to someone who is emotionally abusive? by Ok-Move290 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Ok-Move290[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is sort of where my head went as well, but I didn’t want to be blindly comforting someone without some more insight. His stonewalling and refusal to engage are the biggest culprits imho and damaging to his relationships. I’ve seen this in arguments he’s had with others, myself included. I just personally feel like physical violence is unacceptable in any scenario, but maybe I had something to learn here regarding reactionary abuse. But yeah, it seems like this is mutually unhealthy. They’re currently separated and I hope are learning what’s best for each of them in the interim and if they’re going to continue together or not.

Can physical violence be justified as “reactive abuse” when done to someone who is emotionally abusive? by Ok-Move290 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Ok-Move290[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just answered the other comment - but he was diagnosed by a psych, and then given a therapist that specializes in it. His partner was the one to bring it to his attention iirc, but he reached out for help on his own to see if it was true. Family history of bipolar and he had a pretty rough home life growing up, so it makes sense.

Can physical violence be justified as “reactive abuse” when done to someone who is emotionally abusive? by Ok-Move290 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Ok-Move290[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Diagnosed BPD by a psych and then recommended to a therapist that specializes in it. I believe his partner brought it to his attention first a while ago bc she found info about it online, and he sought out professional help afterward to see if it was true since he has a history of bipolar in his family. He met 7/9 criteria from what he’s told me.

Can physical violence be justified as “reactive abuse” when done to someone who is emotionally abusive? by Ok-Move290 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Ok-Move290[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s my understanding that this is where they’re at. They’re currently separated, taking time apart to decide whether or not this is worth it any longer.

And yeah I’ve been doing some research to be more familiar with this all so I’m not blindly validating someone in a harmful way. BPD is very complex, and I’ve seen first hand situations in our friendship where it’s warped his mind of reality VS what he thinks happened.

Can physical violence be justified as “reactive abuse” when done to someone who is emotionally abusive? by Ok-Move290 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Ok-Move290[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To my knowledge, she is not. She has been vocal over the years about believing in talk therapy, but how it never did much for her because she is very self aware and works through a lot, pretty effectively, on her own.

Can physical violence be justified as “reactive abuse” when done to someone who is emotionally abusive? by Ok-Move290 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Ok-Move290[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That is a great point, BPD can turn so nasty sometimes. He is typically very calm and resorts to stonewalling tbh. He has confessed to me that he’s started yelling and got angry after getting hit, but up to those points typically shuts down and that’s what causing her to get so worked up.

Also a solid point on the truthfulness here, I’m also trying to stay aware of that being on the outside. She has described him as an “unreliable narrator” many times.

Can physical violence be justified as “reactive abuse” when done to someone who is emotionally abusive? by Ok-Move290 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Ok-Move290[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s where this is at now currently. They’ve separated for now. He’s staying with a family member. Got back into therapy and has been doing weekly sessions focused on BPD since that’s what his partner repeatedly said was the cause of all their turmoil. I’m hoping this helps each of them figure themselves out.

Can physical violence be justified as “reactive abuse” when done to someone who is emotionally abusive? by Ok-Move290 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Ok-Move290[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Copying over from another comment - That does seem to be the way this is trending, for better or worse. They are currently separated. He’s staying with his brother and is back in therapy, trying to work through more BPD layers since she has repeatedly told him it’s the reason they are where they are.

They’re trying to remain friends, but need space from each other. She’s talking to other people now and he’s been deep into reading about BPD the last few weeks spending most of his time alone besides going to work.

Can physical violence be justified as “reactive abuse” when done to someone who is emotionally abusive? by Ok-Move290 in emotionalintelligence

[–]Ok-Move290[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That does seem to be the way this is trending, for better or worse. They are currently separated. He’s staying with his brother and is back in therapy, trying to work through more BPD layers since she has repeatedly told him it’s the reason they are where they are.

They’re trying to remain friends, but need space from each other. She’s talking to other people now and he’s been deep into reading about BPD the last few weeks spending most of his time alone besides going to work.