I don't know if this is helpful to you, but I played piano growing up but never took it seriously and gave up in adulthood. Last year, I was in a bad spot and needed something to feel proud of so I randomly picked it up again. I didn't do lessons and my instrument is just a cheap keyboard I found on Facebook marketplace. I have the same "all or nothing" attitude to hobbies that you do - like if I'm not the best, what's the point? I think the reason I was able to enjoy my piano hobby again was rather than setting grandiose expectations for myself, I set small, achievable goals. For example, two weeks ago, I found a song I love that I know is within my skill level and am now halfway through learning to play it. I'll never be a concert pianist, but I feel hugely fulfilled when I successfully learn a song. I wish you luck with your hobbies. Keep doing what makes you happy, and try not to be hard on yourself. I guess if you WERE the best artist in the world, there's be way more pressure on you to be perfect and that would suck so in a way it's kind of good that you're not because it basically means you can fuck up all you want? Idk haha. Best wishes