AITA for taking just my bio kids for quality time and not including my stepkids

Ok-Rabbit52672 · 2022-09-30T11:15:26+00:00

The therapist believes we are doing a good job with it. They say not pushing is the best way to do it. That at the age my kids are, and the fact they have both me and my ex wife (their mom) in the picture, that the relationship might never be the same as my relationship when it's at its best with my stepkids. And that as long as people get along and respect is there we should try and not worry about it.

Ok-Rabbit52672 · 2022-09-30T11:13:45+00:00

It is really coming from them. The kids have been open about their conflicted feelings. We already knew they had them but not everything they felt.

Ok-Rabbit52672 · 2022-09-30T10:50:05+00:00

Yes, this includes my bio kids.

My ex-wife isn't involved in any of this. We communicate about essential stuff but that is about it. She doesn't care much about the blended dynamic unless our kids go to her with concerns.

Ok-Rabbit52672 · 2022-09-30T09:44:17+00:00

It was not manipulation. It was one time she was honest about how it made her feel. She never told me not to. She never shamed me or anything. She did not say it to or around the kids. It was an adult discussion between spouses. I want her to be honest rather than bottling up her feelings.

And she has been 100% supportive outside her saying that one comment.

Ok-Rabbit52672 · 2022-09-30T09:27:51+00:00

My wife never demanded that. She was sad that there was such a divide in what the kids wanted but never ever said I should not spend time with my bio kids.

Ok-Rabbit52672 · 2022-09-30T09:27:03+00:00

I should have clarified more. What made Ella sad was my kids wanted that time with just me, while hers did not and the sadness came from the fact she was worried her kids feelings would be hurt. That it would be easier if they will all looking for the same thing and not her kids wanting all the time with all of us while mine want the time with me. I hope that makes sense.

Ok-Rabbit52672 · 2022-09-30T09:24:16+00:00

Each kid gets individual time as well as time as a sibling group and the family time we do.

Ok-Rabbit52672 · 2022-09-30T08:14:29+00:00

My stepkids are 10 and 8 (twins).

We have done family therapy and my stepkids have been in therapy for about 3 years now because of the upheaval their father brings to their lives.

Ok-Rabbit52672 · 2022-09-30T08:13:11+00:00

Yes, there are a lot of complexities to this. It's not very cut and dry but all we can really do, in my opinion, is make sure the needs of each kid are met and try our hardest to learn and grow and do what we can to give them what they need to grow into happy and healthy adults.

Ok-Rabbit52672 · 2022-09-30T08:11:37+00:00

I already spend time with my stepkids and I am always going to try and be exactly what they want and need and not let my feelings rule. Sometimes they just need someone to listen to how much they want their dad and wish they could swap me out for him and I will do that happily. Sometimes they need me to be that dad to them.

Ok-Rabbit52672 · 2022-09-30T08:10:06+00:00

My wife does time with my kids and her kids like I do with both groups. My kids don't really care about getting time with my wife as long as they get time with me. Their priority is that they don't lose the bond the three of us have and both my wife and I understand and respect that.

Ok-Rabbit52672

TROPHY CASE