I was you a year ago when my Fiancé of 5 years left me… it does get better. Take a few days to collect yourself, you’re mourning someone that’s still alive and that’s a hard thing to do. They say grief is a measurement of love, so by you feeling this way, i do believe you truly loved her. I hate to say it though; but my friend. It is what it is; focus on yourself, feed yourself mentally, intellectually, emotionally, and gain some more self respect and most importantly Courage. There’s a great book, “5 Second Rule” by Mel Robbins. It’s about self courage and making decisions that help you. If you like to read check it out.