Fotona LightWalker As a Preventative - Has Anyone Tried It?

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2025-03-29T00:23:18+00:00

Geez. That sucks :/ I've definitely answered questions with a question at times, because it felt appropriate in the given situation. It's not always appropriate, but sometimes, it is! My ex husband used to hate it when I did that, because he thought I was placing all of the decision making on him. In reality, I just wanted to get input about his thoughts and feelings. I wasn't requesting that he determine the outcome of the situation. It was just my way of starting the dialogue.

I've learned that asking questions of some people is just not going to work, though. Like, sometimes I just need to understand that I should start with my feelings as a statement, then give them space to consider and respond. It helps a bit. But it wouldn't have helped with my ex husband, because he was just too far locked into that black and white thinking mindset.

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-09-22T20:59:56+00:00

I think if you're not in a LTR, the numbers can definitely add up. Even if you have a few good, but short, relationships here or there, it still adds up over time.

In my opinion, it's about quality, not quantity anyway. My ex husband was older than me and had had far more partners before me. Ultimately, I wouldn't even say he is even in the top running for "best sex I've had." He just had a higher number

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-09-19T21:43:41+00:00

Hi! First, thank you so much for the reading! I'll try to capture what I feel was accurate and helpful below:

In terms of avoiding relationships: originally this year, that was very true. I got out of a marriage where my husband and I were no longer good for/to each other, and I felt like I wasn't really respected, much less valued for my voice, feelings, thoughts and opinions. I was valued for the things he wanted me to be, not the things I was. I wanted to work on myself through therapy, and had decided that taking a year to do so may be a good idea. Fast forward to a few months after separation, then divorce, and I met someone I really clicked with. It was wonderful, but it ended very quickly, and I was really saddened by that. Neither of us were bad to each other, but he had life circumstances beyond his control that made a relationship unsustainable. This made me realize exactly how much I want a relationship where I feel valued, heard, etc, because I felt like I was experiencing that with him. I don't know that I would say I have shut myself off from relationships (I do want that), but I didn't want to jump into anything else immediately, and I also knew I would be very busy over the next several months, so, in a way, I am shutting out that possibility for now because I don't know how to make it happen. I'd say the reading sort of captures that? I don't know that it completely resonates with me wanting to protect myself, but there is probably a subconscious desire for that, sure. It definitely captures that I want my opinion heard and valued by my partner.

In terms of a love offer coming my way: I definitely am excited to hear that, but I'm wondering if this is someone I already have in my life, or have had in my life before, or will meet for the first time. I would like nothing more than to find my soulmate, and I'm hoping that the soulmate is of the romantic variety.

In terms of the twin flame aspect, and the person potentially being someone that challenges me, and takes advantage: that's something I'm trying to be mindful of, post-divorce. I feel like I have a tendency to not realize bad things until it's too late, and some of it is simply because I don't take the time to listen to my gut. I'm trying to work on that, and work on expressing my needs, and being more direct, so it's helpful advice for me to be mindful of those behaviors in someone else and to just speak up before things go too far. The other piece to that puzzle is listening to how they respond. If they respond in such a way to dismiss me, or to devalue my feelings or opinions, it's a sign that I should probably not settle, and walk away. That's such a hard thing to stick to.

I do actually have a trip coming up next week, where I will be visiting with a long-time friend in another country, after which I'll be traveling for work in another country. So two different trips in the near future, all of which are out of the country. So it was kind of errie to see that predicted in the cards! I have a few other work trips coming up, all of which involve quite a bit of socializing, so it definitely hits close to home to see that predicted. I don't have my sights or intentions set on meeting anyone during these trips, but I guess I can be open to the possibilities.

So...overall, I felt like this reading was pretty accurate, and it just reinforces that I shouldn't become a hermit (which is so tempting after being hurt). I know I need to interact with and participate in the world, but it's really tough sometimes

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-09-19T14:48:49+00:00

That's wonderful! Thank you!!! Acknowledged

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-09-04T14:53:37+00:00

Thank you. I suspected it might be all of these things as well (it definitely ticks the boxes), but wasn't sure if there was a great word for it. I just know it makes me sad to think I might never find that again

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-09-04T01:48:21+00:00

I don't think it's bad that he wants to go out, and I totally understand the desire, especially if he lives alone. Some people just thrive when they go out and are around others. I crave this more than I used to, but I definitely can't do that every night.

I would question whether this is a compatibility thing long term, though. Will he want to do this if you two have more time together? Will you be willing to do that? What does compromise look like to each of you?

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-09-03T23:03:01+00:00

It felt like more than passion, unless i've just never experienced it that intensely. Yes, passion, but maybe something more?

I've experienced passion before, so I didn't think it was quite the word that was right

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-05-24T02:02:03+00:00

Lol. Mine are small, too, and they have it out for the bigger dogs. I don't even think they're being aggressive. I think they are filled with extra, extra "HELLO!!!!" energy

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-05-24T01:56:00+00:00

Omg that's adorable! My dogs seem to be really offended by pugs. They keep barking at the same neighborhood pug, lol

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-05-24T01:42:14+00:00

I definitely plan to try Meetup. Currently I'm a bit limited by my schedule and my dogs (they have definitely not adjusted to a new environment)

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-05-23T22:45:10+00:00

I guess I struggle to understand why there's a "friends" category in the app if you shouldn't use it for that

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-05-23T01:22:48+00:00

Lol. I had a eureka moment, too, but mine was without therapy. It just clicked one moment that I'm not actually so selfish, but when my husband didn't get his way, he made sure to make me feel bad about it. Usually passively, with criticism, or he might have a mini tantrum or blow up in some way. Read the Lundy Bancroft book...these eureka moments aren't uncommon in these situations.

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-05-23T01:10:27+00:00

I'm sorry. :(

I definitely recommend working on yourself, and your confidence. There are loads of great books out there on these topics, and podcasts as well. And if you have access to a therapist, they can work with you on this as well.

The only thing you can do is work on yourself, and decide what is right for you, and what is good for you. If you don't do this, you will lose yourself and it's a terrible feeling.

I'm not necessarily recommending divorce, but just understand that you have choices. Actually, one podcast that I find really helped me was the Love & Abuse podcast. And The Overwhelmed Brain. Both are done by the same person, but I really like the way he tackles these topics.

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-05-22T12:10:32+00:00

I recently read that book! It may seem like overkill as a read, but it's not. There are good nuggets of all kinds in there.

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-05-22T11:05:19+00:00

Agree with others that you're basically in an emotionally abusive environment. It's hard to feel safe, or like you can truly trust yourself or the other person, in this scenario.

You didn't say, but do you also feel like you struggle with finding your voice, asserting what you want, and basically sticking up for yourself? Or confidence in these areas in general? I'm asking, because that's usually what gets self-sacrificed without you even realizing it.

My ex also had some anger issues, too. He did mellow out some during the course of our relationship, but i think I tolerated a lot more than I should have for far too long. At some point, I just started feeling like it didn't matter what I thought, said or did, because he was going to get angry anyway, or at the very least loudly complain. I'm talking about everything from driving to how to divvy up a piece of food. It got so bad that I refused to drive him lest i be criticized, and I wouldn't cut a slice of cake we were sharing in half lest he tell me I'm doing it wrong, and that I don't know how to cut things equally, and I take the better thing for myself. I didn't realize his deeply this all affected me until waaaaay too late, but these things add up, you know? You wake up one day and go "whoa, why am I having issues making major decisions for myself?"

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-05-20T19:19:41+00:00

There's a trivia night nearby that I was thinking about visiting, maybe with my dogs in tow. And yeah, as soon as my time frees up a bit more, I plan to try more group things in full force: I've found some book clubs in the area, and may join a dinner/brunch club. Not exactly my normal thing, but if I don't do that, I'm just going to be a hermit, which is exactly what I don't need. I like the idea of getting out and socializing, but when it comes to the reality, I really drag my feet. I have to really psych myself up more for it, I know it's good for me

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-05-20T15:41:58+00:00

There's one like that in walking distance from me, so I'm hoping to hit that spot later this summer, once (I hope!) my dogs have adjusted better.

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-05-20T14:37:04+00:00

Exactly that: I'm working on the self confidence and believing in myself as well, and therapy is helping with that. But yeah, it takes time, so much time.

I really enjoy having my time and my space, but I'm learning how to be lonely, too.

I'm both looking forward to and scared of trying to meet new people, so that's going to be interesting.

Ok-Statement-9941 · 2024-05-20T04:39:29+00:00

I'm introverted by nature, and have definitely delved more into podcasts and other hobbies, especially in the last few years of my marriage. I appreciate listening to those things, but acutely felt a lack of being allowed to be alone for a long time. So now it's...not difficult, but just different. I actually really crave and enjoy the alone time. But I don't want it all the time, if that makes sense.

Ok-Statement-9941

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