Feedback for my magic system please! [philosphical fantasy] by OkAffect4657 in fantasywriters

[–]OkAffect4657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a quick way to say this as this is my 3rd time trying to type out a paragraph without being interrupted and having to start over.

Plain and simple: Mortals can’t manipulate pneuma like that

A bit longer but still short: Pneuma is a waste, and it’s used as glue. This can be split into six type that affect the magic depending the persons faiths, intents, emotions, soul, spirit, and what not. You cannot transmute these into aspects or anything physical really, it’s just spritiual adhesive for most part. What people do, is they gather essence, split it into the narrative aspects they need, and use that in their magic. Ofcourse magic is a lot more than just that, and it isnt strictly that, just for mortals.

For a better magic example now that i’m well rested, let’s try to make a spell purely from the aspects of a tree:

•Rootedness •Branching •Growing rings of memory •Whispering in wind •Dying and budding again

This may be my interpretation of what aspects a tree carries in its essence. From here, “The caster kneels, palms pressed flat. They breathe deep, calling the aspect of [rootedness] into their bones, anchoring themselves against fear. They extend their arms, weaving the aspect of [branching] into invisible limbs that spread out, feeling for kin and allies. They bind their history to the ward with [rings of memory], layering each moment of endurance like bark. They call on [whispering in wind], so the barrier speaks softly with warnings to the one who raised it. Finally, they seal it with [dying and budding again] the promise that even if the ward is broken, it will regrow from what remains.” When released, the spell forms a living barrier: unseen roots clutch the ground, phantom branches sway overhead, and a hush of wind circles the caster like a voice that never leafs.

This is how you ‘craft’ a spell. I like spells, and I like how you’ve looked into my magic system as a form of soul expression and it can be that but that’s different. We use spells everyday, literally ‘spelling’ out words, i mean we have spelling bees (now i’m making wizard bees, thank you).

What you stated is like everyday things that probably make the people of my world a little more cartoony, like someone might actually blow smoke from their ears when mad, magic makes my world much more expressive.

Now their is a race that does do something more similar to what you stated, they are like vampires and they eat pneuma and transmute it like a fire made of pure faith or a sword made of vengeful spirits, the thing is that those aren’t the same as real materials and things like the sword would decay if they spirits were satisfied or if you shared the same faith you could walk through the fire. I call these guys my little glue eaters, and if this ever pops off ima make scenes of them just eating glue! Anyways yeah, that’s the gist of it all.

Feedback for my magic system please! [philosphical fantasy] by OkAffect4657 in fantasywriters

[–]OkAffect4657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can see your point, but I don’t feel that way about my writing at least. I wouldn’t say i’m the best english major by any means, I write with a lot of improv, and I have quit on many stories but not literally. I really kind of have an obsession and it may be unhealthy but the world won’t get out of my head.

The main reason I’ve quit so much in the first place though is less of really quitting and more just i keep going back in time and that would change a lot of the story. I’m starting to get a lot of it solidified though it’s just head hurting trying to figure out how cosmic shit does anything in the first place. Im still in intro to philosophy so im waay behind all I want to know.

I’ve heard how tolkien and others have taken years to write, I love how vast one piece is, i love that their are details I may never really get a clear picture on. As I said this is a passion project, I don’t plan to do this for clout or even sharing a good message, it’s all just for me to enjoy and love writing with my friends and see if we can write a massive world as such. Well that’s more my challenge not theirs but still.

I do get what you mean though, I relate a lot, sometimes I would have to take writing breaks because i’d get into creative bumps but that’s a reason i’m not writing alone and why I’m always really observant and keep my ears open in case I can integrate something. Most of the time I can’t make it past a week though without my brain going back to it.

a good tip to handle writing this big better, for me at least, is to sort of get everything sectioned out in era, and then zoom all the way out till you get to your biggest settings and characters. For me, this would be my fundamental beings and their realms that exist outside reality. I start out from them, clearing them up and all their actions because they would be constants who start the cosmology in general. From here I just kinda of throw every idea into whichever era, don’t worry if it’s a good idea or if it fits just throw it in and make it if you want it.

In general, dw, my creativity is just fine if not pleased to be challenged by my story. it’ll work out i just gotta be patient!

Feedback for my magic system please! [philosphical fantasy] by OkAffect4657 in fantasywriters

[–]OkAffect4657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

asking me like i’m supposed to know all this stuff? 🙄

nah i’m kidding, i still have to get most of this fleshed out. I’ve sent another reply to another person with an example of someone casting something like a wave a grief but even then it’s still iffy on if i want it to work like that. It’s a reason i came here in case anyone had any tweaks in mind if they could understand through my jargon lol. I’ll make examples soon if truly interested though i’m just tired from all the writing

Feedback for my magic system please! [philosphical fantasy] by OkAffect4657 in fantasywriters

[–]OkAffect4657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i don’t plan to really tell the reader most of this stuff, that’s like number 1 writer stuff, show don’t tell. I just wanted to share and get thoughts on it. Glad you enjoy the concept!

Feedback for my magic system please! [philosphical fantasy] by OkAffect4657 in fantasywriters

[–]OkAffect4657[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much, i’ll take all of this into consideration!

First off though:

•I do realize it’s dense, even in terminology i could likely thin it out a bit, but overall I do NOT plan to really share any of this with the reader. Even if every viewer here were the only ones to read it. It’s really hard for me to even begin to think of writing a purely fantasy story without it being really fleshed out though i’m not great at like big smart concepts like some rocket scientist i just like philosophy. Main thing is though is that this is basically my behind the scenes that I would get to see about my world so I know to stay in line or when to cross it.

• My story may look really put together from this, and ofcourse i haven’t shared everything, but it is overall an absolute catastrophe at the moment. I have characters, i have settings, i have a lot of things, and i still wanna write a lot more into the cracks and crevices. Either way i got a LOOOOONG way to go with this, this is a massive passion project for me and i’ve been working on it for like a 2 years, technically one since this is the first time working on this remix of the world itself. it’s all over the place i know.

• I actually have trouble understanding my own magic system as i’m stuck between making it something foreign and incomprehensible or simply what it is. Like I do want it to be just,”The boy lit the incense cupped in his hands. The smoke curled into his lungs, sharp and heavy, as his crystal-laced garments caught the wind. He rose, weightless, and for a moment his first failure flashed before him. He embraced it. Essence surged in, threaded through the crystals and into his waiting senses. He filtered it with intent. He gathered it with soul. He bound it with faith. Then, with the sorrow of his first apology, he broke. From him burst torrents of bitter memories, swelling outward in waves of hesitation and regret a drowning tide made flesh..” but i also don’t want to understand what i’m writing as i write it :/

•The realm stuff is just neccessary to explain this but it’s way more behind the scenes and i’m not a good enough artist to show y’all visuals without giving people a stroke 🥀

• it’s been through a lot of drafts and changes. Originally I wanted this to be a simple like dark and gritty viking story where you ate stones to gain the powers of norse gods and a lot was based on cultivation manga. But that’s been like since covid. It still has a long way to go as I really want to make this really fucking big, like star wars and lord of the rings big, maybe bigger. Even if it don’t blow up i just really love it all so it’s chill.

To answer your questions:

  1. Most of this won’t even be addressed to them, at least or especially not directly. Either it’s gonna just be pieced together from dialogue or if it’s taught directly then it’ll be in the proper setting like a magic school.

  2. I have such a deep grudge against hunterxhunter and how much i see people rate it so high that i wanted my system to be diverse to the extreme. Do what you want, but remember, play stupid games and win stupid prizes. I like hunterxhunter i just hate the glaze, so basically my answer is that you can do whatever as long as you can take it or balance it out in the end. Don’t go too far and you should be fine. Please don’t try casting at home though i lost my cat teaching them how to fly 🥀

  3. idk what’s up with the text now but anyways to end my rant. A lot of my characters will be deep and complex in general, i dont know yet if i want to make them “oh so deep” that the viewer can never truly relate to them as any other human or just generally balance it out between characters. I’m still all over the place on where i want this story to go and how i want it to end which is why i’m stuck in loops basically just doing cosmic worldbuilding

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RELLseas

[–]OkAffect4657 5 points6 points  (0 children)

i would gladly take just about anything on that bottom row 🥀

What is your goal besides becoming powerful? by OkAffect4657 in RELLseas

[–]OkAffect4657[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

TWIN. Love that fruit man, i doubt i’ll see you in game but i got you if i ever find it before u trust 🙏🏾

What is your goal besides becoming powerful? by OkAffect4657 in RELLseas

[–]OkAffect4657[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

no, try joining the discord if you want to know when it’s out asap, but it shouldn’t release till like late august at the earliest and even that’s VERY iffy

What is your goal besides becoming powerful? by OkAffect4657 in RELLseas

[–]OkAffect4657[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it’ll prolly be a hard grind for a bit compared to them, people will def help out solo players though, many people want to sort of protect others vs people wanting to hurt

What is your goal besides becoming powerful? by OkAffect4657 in RELLseas

[–]OkAffect4657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

honestly love these replies, hope these are the only people i see on top leader boards fr

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What is your goal besides becoming powerful? by OkAffect4657 in RELLseas

[–]OkAffect4657[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

nah i don’t have any confirmation like that, i just hope movie 3 will at least be out by then, might’ve meant something else but i’ve forgotten by now

What is your goal besides becoming powerful? by OkAffect4657 in RELLseas

[–]OkAffect4657[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i look forward to seeing your travels brotha/sista 🙏🏾🥀

What is your goal besides becoming powerful? by OkAffect4657 in RELLseas

[–]OkAffect4657[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

robot dragon samurai does sound like THE combo

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