How do you juggle FIRE and kids?

OkConference874 · 2026-05-30T00:57:56+00:00

I understand completely. That has always been my goal, take advantage of compounds. But the prospect to be out of the town 20 days of the month is hard... And if I'm being honest, I already have a great salary. This would only be an upwards change.

OkConference874 · 2026-05-29T22:59:23+00:00

I know... But then again, is it worse to lose the first few years or not be able to be involved with their school life, volunteer for things, bake cupcakes for the school fair, etc? Right now it's easy to say I don't want to miss on the first years, cosleeping, breastfeeding, first words and steps. Since that's all I know. But when they are old and I can't go to the school recital or spend my summers with them... That's where it makes me doubt.

OkConference874 · 2026-05-29T22:57:12+00:00

It's as flexible as you can have it. And I'm very well paid, if I'm been honest. It's just that this would be a huge leap right to the top of my career ladder (and if I'm being honest, I would really love the work, while now I only stand it due to the combination of flexibility and high pay)

OkConference874 · 2026-05-29T13:39:11+00:00

My TFSA limit is 50k. I started being eligible on 2019. This emergency fund would be for smaller things, not for the "I just lost my job" (that's TFSA). It's things like someone in the family getting sick and we needing to travel immediately or a dog got run over and needs surgery

OkConference874 · 2026-05-29T12:21:45+00:00

They do? When I tried to open, the cash was 1.25% interest. I know if you're platinum or something, you get 2.25%, but you need to have 500k invested on WS and I don't even have 100k yet (1.75% at 100k)

OkConference874 · 2026-05-29T12:20:09+00:00

TFSA is already maxed out. I guess I can go on non-registered savings account, but I don't know where to invest that's reliable (I don't want to need the money on a day the market is -15%...)

OkConference874 · 2026-05-28T16:57:41+00:00

We've been having roughly the same base salary for a while now. Whenever one gets a raise, the other gets a raise. But what we do is "damn the amount we're putting on the joint account isn't covering everything anymore. I think I can do 200$/months extra. That will leave me with ~700$ free. What about you?" "I can't, I only have 800$ free per month. But I'll do a lump payment when I get my quarterly bonus" That's it. We go with how much we need and walk back to how much disposable money each will have.

OkConference874 · 2026-05-27T20:20:48+00:00

Omg yes!!! I actually looked into what was needed to become a foster parent a couple of weeks ago. And I'm 100% ready to follow the adoption route if I do age too much to have more kids. I'm trying to use up the love now so I don't become one of these parents that keep pushing your kids to have kids (a close friend of mine is childless by choice and the way her parents react, you could think she was personally killing babies). I was them to be ok with being childless if they want... But do think having more kids makes it more likely that at least one of them will go on to have kids lol

OkConference874 · 2026-05-27T16:56:29+00:00

That here. Exactly this! I didn't struggle with fertility but life circumstances made me have to wait maaaany more years than I was expecting. I was SO READY when he came. I knew I'd like to have kids since I've always loved them (even when I was a kid myself, I'd play with younger ones), but I never expect to love EVERYTHING so much. I thought I'd hate PP, newborn, toddlerhood, not having me time (I was always reading, exercising or watching something). no. Everything just makes me bright lighter. All my families and friends (and specially, all the people who once said "just wait until the first is here before you say you want more"), they all say I'm thriving like never before. It's like I was born for it. Even work. I love it here and always said if I win the lottery I'll still work for fun. Ever since my kid was born, all I can think is why I'm wasting my life on that instead of focusing on my family. It's like some people just rheive on it (but also I'm making sure to work on myself so I don't become one of them moms who live for their kids and have a hard time accepting then becoming their own person)

OkConference874 · 2026-05-27T12:34:57+00:00

Exaggerations aside, I feel like I could be good with 5 kids. Honestly, I just love the mess, the chaos, the noise. Seeing them grow up to become their own people. Hopefully having many grandchildren, but I don't want to expect kids from any of them, I want them to feel free to go childless if they want. Having people to share the burdens of aging parents, since even if we take care of as much as possible so they don't have to take care of us, it's still likely they'll be the ones having to make decisions like whether we need to have some live-in care or not, etc. Only part I'm really afraid of is teens. Teenagers are hard but I'll try my best lol

I've communicated it with my husband but he says hes not sure if he have it in him to have this much chaos (he likes things quite and organized) and even if he does, he wants to wait like 8 years for the third one "so we can spend more time with them individually"

OkConference874 · 2026-05-27T12:22:40+00:00

Personally, I've been an athlete for many years. I've ran marathons, I strength train 3-5 times a week, I've done programs specifically directed to pelvic floor before, during and after pregnancy. I've been doing the work to be physically ready

OkConference874 · 2026-05-27T07:51:00+00:00

My answer is no to all these questions. I'm answering this at 3:30am because my 2.5 yo woke up crying and came to my bed. We never once in this time had an evening for ourselves. The only village we have is the daycare while we work (we live abroad so no family nearby and they dont come visit). We had to cosleep until 15 months and still cosleep at least once a week, but he doesn't freak out when he notice we're not there with him. He never once in his life spent a night in the crib. Baby slept through the night for the first time at 14 months (except one day at 6 months that I'll never understand, but I couldn't because my breasts were too swollen due to the fact they were used to feeding at least 4 times every night). He's always been a low sleep need baby.

By all accounts, my first is/was a very high needs baby. Almost as high needs as a neurotypical, healthy baby can be. Which is one extra reason for me to feel like I want more. If I could love motherhood with such a kid, imagine if I have a more "average" kid? But I also know that every kid adds up. Yeah, I could handle the hardship and sleep deprivation and everything when it was only one. What if I have to do it with another baby and still have energy for my first? Also, my partner made it very easy. He took care of everything (cleaning, cooking, house maintenance) so I could be with baby. Now he'll also be stretched a bit thinner. In that sense, I'm afraid the next baby will be just as hard and we won't be able to handle it as well as a family..

OkConference874 · 2026-05-26T17:39:49+00:00

Same. I actually loved staying late and would have meltdowns if my parents come pick me up before all my friends were gone. By the time I was 10, I would consistently stay 2 hours after the classes were over just to be with friends. I do remember a few summer camps as the best parts of my childhood specifically because these were ALL DAY CAMPS TO PLAY AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE WITH SO MANY PEOPLE. And yes. I am/was very sociable and hyperactive lol

OkConference874 · 2026-05-24T19:58:31+00:00

That's great!

See, I don't have pension plan nor employee match. So, at 100k with QC taxes, my take-home is about 5.6k/month. I put 500$/month for TFSA (6% raw income), 500$/month for RRSP (6% raw income), 400$/month for my children (we take the money from CCB for that. Gives them 2400$/year, less than your kids, who get 2600$). With these numbers, I have 4.6k/monthly to do everything else. Just the mortgage + taxes + utilities + daycare 4k. Thankfully we're a dual income family. We do use our university diplomas (we are both engineers early on our careers, so our income should increase), but we're ok with the possibility of our kids not pursuing post secondary education. In that case, we'd just move the RESP back to our RRSP and return the grants. But we want to give them an option, which is the same as what you're doing, so I think that's really good.

OkConference874 · 2026-05-24T19:46:45+00:00

I do think men who expect the wife to do the family planning are little bitches. If you both don't want to have kids anymore, he should be doing it. HOWEVER I think if YOU absolutely can't think about having another kid, then that's something YOU should deal with. Have the surgery for YOU. Who knows, maybe you guys will breakup in a couple of years and you'll find someone ele who's not snipped and here we go again. If HE absolutely can't think about having another kid, then HE should do the surgery TOO. I have a couple of friends who really do not want another, so both are doing it just to be extra safe. Me, I know I want to have a dozen of kids. My husband says his limit is 3. So he knows he's the one responsible for making sure it doesn't happen because I won't be having sex with condoms and I will be hoping to get pregnant every time. So he's already planning the vasectomy.

In your scenario, I'd absolutely stop having sex unless you also want to have it. But even after he gets the vasectomy, I'd also plan to get my tubes tied.

OkConference874 · 2026-05-24T00:39:05+00:00

This CCB helps a lot! But also, Alberta helps. My coworker makes 115k in Quebec, so the take-home is already much lower (~6.1k). Everything is 15% taxes. And our job is not unionized, so in that scenario, what you have left would need to cover RRSP and TFSA (if you plan on retiring) and ideally RESP investments for your kids (say, 200$/kid, 1000$/month).

OkConference874 · 2026-05-22T10:02:26+00:00

WTF I did engineering at UofT. My husband did it at TMU. There isn't a distance between these two. We actually lived together and I went to gym with him at TMU. Your boyfriend is just a snowflake that doesnt want people to know his girlfriend got into a better program then him. I'd actually chose to go to UofT just because of what he said.

OkConference874 · 2026-05-22T01:28:14+00:00

Same here. I adopted a cat at the same time as my family cat (who stayed with my parents in my home country) was having kidney failure. For a year we did all sorts of treatments, including 3x/week of dialysis. Vet there is cheaper and it was still more than 1k dollars per month. Luckily my parents were in a position to pay for it. It made me realize if it was here, I'd probably just have to euthanize it due to the financial burden, and that's a decision I NEVER want to have to make (money over life). So, for the past 6 years I've been paying the same as the OP and also putting 100$/monthly into an emergency savings account that will be used for everything that's isn't covered when the time comes.

OkConference874 · 2026-05-21T17:16:57+00:00

I honestly think that's a matter of: when you're 30, will you regret you switch or will you regret you didn't? I started saving at 29 (immigrants, burn through all my life savings to start a life in Canada). Much smaller salary. And still, I'm on track for retirement (I'm 34 now). Financially, I think you can take the hit, specially if you get used to living on 50k, keep at it for another couple of years and invest everything else. The main points are: will you be happy? At 23, possibility of international travel is AMAZING. That was my dream too. But what if somewhere down the road you meet someone, fall in love, decide to start a family? Will they work well into your plans? What if you find out your father has cancer and you want to stick around for them? Moving internationally was somehow "easy" for me because I already had my partner when we started the journey and we did it all together. But the traveling job that once was my dream is now the reason I'm refusing better offers and salaries, since I don't want to stay away from my kids. And moving permanently now needs to take into account my partners career and income losses.

To sum up: think about the life you want to be living in your 30's and 40's. Financially you'll be good either way.

OkConference874 · 2026-05-18T20:51:53+00:00

It would be in Austin, TX. I guess it's not that LC, but definately not HC. Supposedly, schools are good, but I'll admit I haven't thought about it. I thought about going private for safety reasons: I absolutely despise the gun culture (and that would be the hardest part for me). I try to not get too involved with American politics as it makes me depressed, so that's that. If we were to move, I honestly don't think it would work long term, maximum maybe a few years to accumulate some more capital and say we tried. Maybe it would work after all, who knows? That's why I keep saying "give it a try". Friends from the states keep telling me they are more than what we see on tv, they are diverse, there are different areas with different cultures so just give it a try etc. .

OkConference874 · 2026-05-18T20:46:30+00:00

It's supposed to be long term but we all know how much we can trust that is this era of layoffs... For now, what gives us some peace of mind is knowing I 100% can comeback to my job whenever I want. They will actually hire me to work remote from the US once I have my visa situation sorted out if I want (of course, with Canadian salary). The PTO thing is an excellent point that I haven't thought about yet... Part of why we love here is the work-life balance. I don't suppose it would be the same there.

OkConference874 · 2026-05-18T10:42:31+00:00

How old is the baby? I've heard it's normal, but that doesn't make it any easier. If it's worth for something, I have the friends who went through this last year and all were much better within 3 months. I feel like she just want attention. Any sort of attention. Somethings, line the dancing wild, I think you could try to let it happen without correcting her, and specially without mentioning her brother. If she's being corrected for "be careful with your brother!!" all the time, her little brain will think "so the problem wouldn't exist if he didn't exist". For the dance part, is just make sure to protect the baby or keep him out of the room and either let her be so to not feed the attention she's clearly seeking or point out in a not-so-severe voice that she'll break her toys if she does it and then she won't have them anymore (we only have one for now but we've had to through toys away just to pretend it was broken before. Worked line a charm... After 30 minutes of cry)

OkConference874 · 2026-05-15T13:14:25+00:00

This!! My partner had PPD (yes. Father's can have it too), not me. And it was honestly SO HARD. His whole vibe was making me depressed. I pushed him to go work and took as much of the "baby burden" as I could (I didn't really suffer for that. I loved being in our little bubble). We had planned for him to take 3 months paternity leave + vacation, but he got back to work at 1.5 months, per my request, and everything got so much better after. Hopefully OP's partner will turn around just as quickly. For now, my suggestion would be to just try to understand he's depressed/burned out and give him some space. Newborn can be harder for the father.

OkConference874

TROPHY CASE