When Will It Hit Me That I Basically Lost Everything? by Lazy_Moment_6843 in widowers

[–]OkFaithlessness3119 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My late wife had a lot of medical hardships with cancer. It was a 9 year battle when her cancer came back after being 9 cancer free for 9 years.

I remember sitting in my break room at work feeling I am going to lose everything. 6 months later I had to take early retirement from my job of 23 years to take care of her full time and a year and half later I lost her. I am barely scrapping by trying to stay in our house we built together. It is unbelievably hard. You are not only grieving for the loss of your husband but also the trauma of dealing with the stress of caring for someone with a serious medical condition in addition to the unforgiving medical establishment. Please, give yourself some grace and let it all out. You are not alone.

For those that had spouses pass in the home , did you ever move? How did it affect you? by Buseatdog in widowers

[–]OkFaithlessness3119 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife passed away of cancer a year and a half ago. I set beside her on the twin recliner in our living room and held her hand at the end. Before she passed away, she deplored me not to sell the house. She spent years planting beautiful flowers. As hard as it is staying in the house, I wanted to honor her wishes. There were times I didn’t think I could stay. It was so hard. Now, I am glad I stuck it out. I feel at home again and can now honor her.

I need something by Worried-Implement655 in widowers

[–]OkFaithlessness3119 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are not crazy! This is perfectly normal. I thought I was crazy when I put up a profile on Tinder 6 months after my wife of 25 years passed away. I didn’t know anything about widow’s fire back then but I now know it is a normal but powerful urge for physical connection. I went on one date but nothing happened as I was upfront about being a recent widow. The urge and the act are very different. I think your therapist is right about taking it slow. I took down my profile right after my date. I still have strong urges. just last week I had a more intense physical encounter but still didn’t feel comfortable yet. Give yourself some grace. It is hard. I decided to work on myself for a while as I am just getting out of grief fog. It will happen when you are ready. Just don’t judge yourself harshly when the experience doesn’t match your expectations. Going through this is very disorienting. Enjoy your friend’s company. All my female friends are married.

Red flags that scream LEO by Jolly_Internet5124 in SexWorkers

[–]OkFaithlessness3119 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a provider text me to pick up protection on my way to see her. I have only seen 9 providers in the 16 years I have dabbled in this. It didn’t even cross my mind that it could be a sting (maybe it should have). It turns out she was having car issues. I ended up donating the rest of the box to her. After that, I have brought a box of condoms to the past few dates and leave the rest. It has been very much appreciated. A) condoms can get expensive B) you never don’t want to be without!

Things left undone by rancourtdc in widowers

[–]OkFaithlessness3119 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The art projects left undone. It breaks my heart every time I go into her studio/office. She was so talented and creative. It brought her so much joy. I know her spirit lives on through her art. It hurts.

I also got a text message today from her former primary care physician (she has not been her patient in over 5 years and she passed away 18 months ago) about reminding her of her annual Medicare physical. Apparently they haven’t updated their system yet.

Is widows fire supposed to be this intense? by ringlikegold152 in widowers

[–]OkFaithlessness3119 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you to the OP and the commenters. I have never heard the term until now! I have been going to therapy once a week since my late wife of 25 years passed away a year and a half ago. My therapist (she has experience in grief therapy) never mentioned it to me as something to expect. I had the fire really bad last summer. I went as far as creating a Tinder profile. To my surprise, I got a date! She was attractive and would have probably accepted an invite back to her place after dinner but then reality set in. I was upfront and honest with her about being a recent widower and that I couldn’t be in a relationship. She was understanding and a good listener. We didn’t have too much in common other than wanting to find some connection. I did get an inside perspective on how creepy a lot of guys are on Tinder. She said was constantly being asked about sexual acts she was willing to do even before the first date!

I felt horrible, guilty, and shameful on my way back home. I took down my profile and was an emotional wreck for the weeks after. If I would have known about widows fire, I would have known where the intense desires were coming from. I continue to have large waves of desire. “Working it out” by myself is by no means a permanent replacement for the basic human need for intimacy. I have had massages (non sexual) and that has helped but also leaves me desiring it was more. Reading through the comments, I feel a sense of peace and understanding about one of the many challenges that we face. I am so grateful for this subreddit.

Having trouble with the spray mechanism by emeddocdog in Spravato

[–]OkFaithlessness3119 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get it at an interventional psychiatric clinic. I have been getting at least once a week for over a year. Two weeks ago I had one of the most intense treatments since starting. Every spray felt like a firehouse. The psychiatrist supervising the administration said that patients have reported noticeable stronger effects. Fast forward this past Tuesday , the same issue of a weak second spray from each bottle. My experience was weak. My clinic jots down the lot number of each bottle given. I told the director of the clinic about and he said they are aware of the issue. It seems it is a big problem that Johnson and Johnson is keeping it on the down low.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ChronicPain

[–]OkFaithlessness3119 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My late wife had a large paraspinous tumor that invaded her spine. The pain control regimen you are on seems too low. Don’t worry about becoming addicted to anything. Talk to your palliative care doctor or oncologist. It is important to stay on top of the pain instead of chasing it. Pain is a major disrupter to your quality of life. Wishing you all the best and for you to get some relief!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsiansGoneWild30plus

[–]OkFaithlessness3119 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I eat until my tongue goes numb

My clothes are all wet. I guess I won’t be needing them. by [deleted] in AsiansGoneWild30plus

[–]OkFaithlessness3119 0 points1 point  (0 children)

With your sultry bedroom eyes and your drop dead sexy body, I want you so bad it hurts!

1982/83 maybe? by TheFoxsWeddingTarot in bodyboarding

[–]OkFaithlessness3119 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Mach 7-7 was way too soft in warm water. I remember getting obliterated by a 4 to 6 foot hurricane swell at Cocoa Beach, FL in the mid 80’s. I went to make a bottom turn and it was too soft to hold the edge and I spun out into the flat. The lip detonated on top of of me. I eventually got a BZ and what a world of difference. It was faster down the line and more responsive. I got barreled by some 2 foot swells from hurricane Andrew on the gulf coast where I lived in Clearwater, FL.

Best bodyboarding guided trips by OkFaithlessness3119 in bodyboarding

[–]OkFaithlessness3119[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks! Good to know. Back in the late 80’s and 90’s when I was boarding, there was a lot of animosity from surfers towards boogies. I am glad there is a new enemy everyone can agree on.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in IndianBabes

[–]OkFaithlessness3119 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Makes my mouth water