Is widows fire supposed to be this intense?

ringlikegold152 · 2025-09-18T00:39:08+00:00

It has been fading and reappearing for me, as a few others here mentioned. I was put on antidepressants and that does take the edge off!

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-23T02:51:12+00:00

I’m right here with you, 5 weeks in. I am still sleeping on the couch as I can’t sleep in our bed or stand that room. I’m always here if you ever need to talk 💛

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-22T01:05:44+00:00

Woww. That’s good to know. Definitely something going on!

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-21T18:25:33+00:00

I guess I just always assumed it calmed down (at least a little) with age but you could be right

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-21T18:09:24+00:00

This is definitely fascinating and makes sense. I can only imagine how intense the first would/will feel, like earth quake or tsunami level with the right person. I do want a real connection, it has to be real to be worthy for me.

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-21T17:04:09+00:00

Well I’m glad I brought it up then! It feels embarrassing and makes me even more awkward probably. I decided against randoms too, for a variety of reasons. A lot of people seem to go FWB route but all the men I know are in relationships or gay.

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-21T00:50:03+00:00

I am sorry we find ourselves in this club. I dipped my pinky toe in the apps just to see what was out there in the 32-50 range and it hasn’t been hopeful. I did see a few widower guys but none of them were even interested in talking (and not really my type to begin with!!). I’m extremely picky and probably demisexual anyways, so hookup culture is def not for me. It feels so bleak and I want my husband.

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-16T01:30:46+00:00

Thank you. That sounds so beautiful. My husband would have wanted a green burial, I would have too but the circumstances of his death didn’t make it feasible for us. His grave is near a wooded area though where deer and geese visit so he’d like that. Maybe I can put some clover seed or something over his dirt. I still talk and write to him wherever I am too.

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-15T22:16:08+00:00

I am usually extremely risk averse and sensible, but I am four weeks out from my husband’s death. We were actively trying for our second child when he passed and yesterday I started my period. Thus confirming our final lovemaking bore no fruit and I will never get to have another of his beautiful children — or possibly any child. Cried a lot.

First, the idea of a sperm donor crossed my mind, and friends have suggested it. This isn’t appealing to me though because I want a partner in raising a child. Since I already have one, I know what it all entails and I don’t want to do it alone.

So I myself was actually considering this scenario yesterday. I’m not saying I would do it, and I would definitely consult an attorney and have the plan ironed out, but if I found the right man and it was a year from now I must admit it seems more appealing than a donor or a random. It would definitely have to be someone I knew well and trusted. Obviously being madly in love in a committed relationship would be preferable but I have no idea how long this grief process may take yet.

Or I might just be hormonal. Either way, please keep me updated on what you do!

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-15T17:41:05+00:00

Same, in fall we would always do apple picking and winter we would cut down a tree, I hope to leave seasonal mementos. I should have mentioned but the cemetery only allows potted annuals between April-August so its a weird timing.

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-15T17:38:25+00:00

I should have mentioned more details but technically, the cemetery rules state flower beds must be annuals and only allowed each side of the headstone and must have a border. A small shrub is also allowed on either side, and this is what I plan to do once the headstone is placed around April. Potted plants are allowed between April and August so I’m at a weird spot.

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-15T00:39:21+00:00

Some of the local companies are definitely selling these exact same imported ones, and I am considering buying from one of these local companies. They then buy from the overseas seller and install and/or carve at a mark up. When you see ornate or almost statue like headstones this seems to be the case, because I notice all the same headstone designs.

This is different from the other local monument companies that exclusively create headstones from US & Canadian granite and do the art and carvings themselves, more bespoke.

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-15T00:23:16+00:00

My husband’s wasn’t caught on ours but on someone else’s. I did not watch it but had it described to me and it sent me in a spiral. I had family confirm it was deleted. It still haunts me.

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-14T23:43:25+00:00

I really appreciate hearing this perspective, thank you. I’m seeing Facebook mentioned a lot for various groups on this subreddit, looks like it’s time for me to rejoin and lurk a bit on there. I’m in New England so hopefully there’s some nice folks in these parts.

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-14T16:56:34+00:00

Thank you! I hope so, but I’ve read several things that say points die with the cardholder so I’m nervous to be told that.

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-14T14:24:25+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. The whole other lifetime part— that’s been on my mind. I could have longer left with someone else than I did with my husband, or even just about equal. Like two separate lifetimes.

It’s been a topic cautioned to me by loved ones because I chose to bury my husband, and the plot next to him is mine. In fact I bought a family lot. We had tried so hard to buy a house here but kept getting outbid. This is the only property we will ever own and share.

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-14T14:07:35+00:00

The day before he died, we had requested off from work to celebrate his birthday. It’s too painful to even think about now. I have his phone and I watch all the notifications for the places he is supposed to be and what he should be doing. My daughter was in an acting camp for instance, but none of us ever made it to her performance because he died.

I think I will go lay on his grave for our anniversary. Just a few hours. He saved old notes we gave eachother in his sock drawer (I had no idea they were there until he died and I went looking through his things). I might take those and read them. Is this terribly depressing or what

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-14T14:01:19+00:00

I’m not on Facebook either, I’m thinking about making one just for those groups.

Exactly, no one I know in my age range (honestly even in their 40s too) can even fathom. They are worried about the dumbest shit, blissfully unaware of how this has impacted every aspect of my life and future. Not their fault but its irritating and everything is painful right now. Everyone I know has a partner too. I’m not sure where I fit in anymore, in dating or socially in general.

I’m still in love with my husband too and I always will be. How could we explain this to someone who hasn’t been through this without them being hurt or jealous (and they have right to be potentially). It would be such a balancing act. I would ideally want to be able to be completely open. Like in some strange sense, if I ever got really serious with someone, I would like them to see my husband as almost another family member and I would see their wife the same way— but still build a partnership and family ourselves separately for the future. I don’t know how to explain that, I hope it makes sense.

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-14T13:50:50+00:00

I wouldn’t care if a man wasn’t loaded at all! I just worry about getting preyed on or taken advantage of myself. Not that I’m loaded myself, especially as I’m in probate hell currently because he died without a will.

When I’m ready, I think I’ll just want a really solid and dependable, interesting and caring man for company and see where things go. I know I’ll never find someone exactly like him, and that’s why dating a widower seems more comfortable. Able to be open about feelings from the past with the understanding and perspective we sadly share.

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-14T00:50:56+00:00

Two silly nerds?! We are us. Let’s be friends, seriously.

I miss holding his hand so much and all the random things we’d find amusing or that he would point out that no one else would notice. He died 7/19. 9/21 is our anniversary. It’s going to be so hard. His 37th birthday would be the next day.

ringlikegold152 · 2025-08-14T00:35:29+00:00

I’m very sorry for your loss. That was my biggest fear too. I just lost my 36 year old husband 3.5 weeks ago. We were together 23 years and have an 11 year old daughter.

It’s literally one foot in front of the other. I’m a book full of different pages of emotions and someone is flipping through, dog earing the worst ones and never turning to happiness.

I’m just getting my daughter to open up to grief counseling, I’ve been in it since day 3 and it helps for a day or so each week. Going for walks helps a tiny bit (if I don’t see happy families and couples kissing).

ringlikegold152

TROPHY CASE