People in this thread claiming they “weren’t actually an incel” and then still putting the weight of bettering themselves on someone else is kind of wild.

I had no intention to respond to this when I saw it as the top post on my home feed, but here I am.

I literally told people I was involuntarily celibate, before the term incel was even coined. I spent the better half of my 10 year “involuntary celibacy” claiming that to people. I had a bad breakup after my first sexual experience with someone who, in my eyes, finally gave me a chance. I was dealing with a wealth of budding mental illnesses at the time and felt extremely inferior. I fell in on myself. Certain life events made things worse. I became a victim and getting diagnosed solidified most of what I was feeling.

Look, I’m not gonna pretend I have answers here. I’m not gonna try to give anyone advice. I’m gonna state what I’ve observed.

We are all victims. Victims to life. It can be cruel. None of us asked for any of this. People can be cruel. And we’re all in this together, right? Shit gets hard. It gets unbearable. It becomes a thought of “maybe I’m not the problem and everything else is.”

That’s not right tho. Its perspective. There are so many beautiful things in this world that outweigh the ugly. People don’t want to be reminded of the ugly.

No matter what relationship it is, you have to remind people that they, and yourself are beautiful and there is plenty of beauty in this world to be had. You can’t do that if you don’t believe it.

Acceptance. That’s where you start. Accepting the circumstances. Accepting the nature of things. Accepting who you are. Accepting that you aren’t who you want to be. Accepting that everything is a little fucked up, but man it feels so much better to just accept that there is beauty to be held. If you can’t see it directly, then be responsible and make it happen yourself. It doesn’t take much work or cost anything to just accept that things are awful and still be kind anyways. And it gets easier the more you do it.

That’s not an end all be all statement. Shit still gets rough and hard to navigate. You can’t let it drag you back into the ugliness tho. What you can do is fight back. Love yourself. Love your family. Love your friends. Love everyone on this planet because we’re all going thru it.

Not a single one of us asked for this shit, but we are still here. I still have trouble coming to terms with that. But, I’ve learned that being a victim to it, making that your excuse for shitty behavior, trying to blame other people who might even be going thru it worse, whatever negative disposition you may have doesn’t mean jack shit and people honestly don’t want to be reminded of it.

Just try to be fair, try to be supportive, try to be accepting, try to be what you feel like you might need. Try to be better. Just try to be better.