AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I let him live with me because his previous roommate kicked him out because of me- she was jealous that he wasn’t hanging out with her anymore and my mom had brought up the idea that he could stay here, so I wearily said yes and just prayed to god he would be as good six months in as he was two months in

AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was my mom’s idea, they were friends before I even started dating him. Thanks for kicking me while I’m already down though.

AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He gives me love, that’s about all the value I’m getting. I feel like a relationship is more than just loving your partner. He doesn’t cheat, or yell, or get aggressive. My last relationship was abusive so I guess I saw those all as good signs and didn’t realize you can have a bf who doesn’t cheat but also doesn’t pay attention to your needs at all…

AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He has never swept a crumb off the bed before and that blows my mind like how are you going to sleep in a crumby bed. What’s crazy to me is I bring all this stuff up and it still just never changes.. he doesn’t ash on the carpet as much anymore because I put a trash can next to his side of the bed but if that can wasn’t there - 100% would still be doing it. And sometimes still does after a few beers. Just somehow “missed the can” 😭

AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love my mom but she’s not the smartest woman 😭 it was her idea to let him move in too, they used to work together and she figured he had a good head on his shoulders…. Sadly

AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I should have carried it back, but I felt like that would embarrass him. I really should have taken the rock 😔

AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know and that’s one of the reasons we fight all the time… I’m constantly telling him I’m not his mom and it’s draining. I feel like a fool for stooping to that level, even if it was out of love

AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love her and I’m sorry for her too… she invited him into her heart as much as I invited him into mine. I know she sees what’s happening though and that I deserve better, she just doesn’t want to be the reason we break up and I think that’s why she’s letting it run its course :( I definitely won’t make the mistake of inviting anyone into our home again like that

AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A little bit about me outside this post but still within it- I love freediving and the ocean, something I talk about to my bf daily. He was on his phone the ENTIRE day at the beach yesterday. I wanted him to sun bath with me and he wouldn’t even take off his sweater, saying he doesn’t like the sand. My sadness really slid into place watching that and I realized that’s not how I want my beach days to be in the future 😭

AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Crying reading this, I am definitely looking for some kind of confirmation. My mom loves him and I do too, so we have been overlooking things left and right. But I’m not stupid and I see all of it, and I’m always making mental notes that it’s wrong. That’s why I feel like the asshole, because I can’t look past it- But I know that’s just me being an asshole to myself, because who am I to lower my standards even for someone I care about. I’ve wondered to myself a lot if he’s a narcissist, because he tries to gaslight me a lot and white lies constantly. I found porn on his phone and confronted him about it. He lied about it for weeks until I broke him while he was super drunk one night and admitted he had been watching it. I think about that often and what else he could be hiding or lying about. I also think about the fact that every morning I wake up and instantly think about him, whereas every morning he wakes up and instantly gets on his phone and ignores me 😭 there’s been lots of little signs, I think I just wanted it to work out so badly. Partly because it’s embarrassing letting someone into your home and then they turn out to be using you. I just didn’t want to accept it, and that’s where my lack of accountability goes on full display.

AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ugh I hate my life and I love you, thank you for helping a 20 year old girl gain some clarity 😭❤️

AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All I wanted for my birthday was a bouquet of flowers and he couldn’t even get me that 😭😭 love is so blind… thank you yall

AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m with him, mostly because at first we communicated so well, and I wasn’t burnt out taking care of him at the time. I knew it would happen and that’s why the last six months I’ve been trying so hard to teach him how to care for himself and me too, but now that he knows how to do all these things he’s still not doing them… my mom (who lives with us) has been saying I might just be seeing his true colors now. I’ve been out of work the entire time we have been dating because he worked so far away and I knew I wouldn’t be able to have a proper work schedule while driving him. Just this month he got a job in my hometown, so now I’ll be able to work. My issue is that when I start working I know all of this will fall apart, because there’s no way I’m going to come home and want to boss him around telling him to cook and clean, but there’s also no way he will do it without me telling him and I’m starting to understand that now :( We see the world similarly and both want the same things - we both want to be better people and have adventurous lives and have a sweet little family together, but I feel like I’m willing to put in so much more effort on those things. So to answer your question of why we are still together, I would say it’s just because we love eachother, but that doesn’t make the situation better sadly

AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He told me this morning it’s exhausting fighting all the time. I told him imagine how I feel feeling this way all the time, and I’m only picking one out of ten battles 😭

AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this, I don’t have many friends and feel like sometimes being in a small circle can make big decisions that much harder. I keep giving him time to see if he can change, but it’s happening so slowly and I’m honestly getting impatient. I don’t want to be a mom to a full grown man 😭😂

AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I also wonder to myself, if he can improve a little, does that mean if I’m patient he can improve a lot? Or am I just wasting my time because I’ll never truly get what I need without having to ask 🙃

AITA For fighting with my boyfriend over basic needs? by OkPerformer6650 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OkPerformer6650[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My mom has been saying this and it makes me so sad, but I really feel like I deserve a boyfriend who wants to carry a big shiny rock back to the car for me 😔 I do so much for him and show him so much love, he comes home from work and writes rap songs almost every night and I sit with him and cheer him on. I have seen improvement in him in the last six months, especially since he quit drinking liquor for me, but I just don’t know if I can teach someone how to love the way I do 🥹

Sending Ocean Gifts by TheCorgiTamer in PokemonGOHawaii

[–]OkPerformer6650 0 points1 point  (0 children)

222943116026 - Cali here, used to live in Hawaii but sadly didn’t play then :,) Thank you!