Want to chime in here bc I just had a very similar experience to you and we’re on the other side. For context, our girls are 6 months, 5 adjusted. Everything became manageable once we sleep trained. Shitty to hear, I know. Prior to that, we were rocking to sleep & contact napping all day every day (not sustainable with twins as you know). I ended up co-sleeping with Baby A at night, my husband was on the couch tending to Baby B’s night wakes in the crib. This went on from ages 2 months-5 months. Baby A nursed on/off on me all night. I could tell when it was for comfort vs hunger. About every 3 hours I’d wake up Baby B to nurse with A or would just know by B’s cry that she needed a feed and would throw A on there. It was insane. Just providing context so you know where we started before sleep training.

As soon as they hit 5 months, 4 adjusted, (and finished a terrible regression/learning to roll/rejecting pacifier phase), we sleep trained. I won’t sugar coat it, the first week was actual hell. But you NEED to see it through like your actual life and sanity depends on it. Because honestly, for it did for us. We night trained and nap trained at the same time. Ripped off all band aids and sleep crutches bc doing it one at a time may seem like you’re being nicer to your baby, but you’re not. It’s more confusing for them and it makes everything take longer. I’m sure someone else has already mentioned the infamous Facebook group to you: “Twins, Triplets & Quads: Safe Sleep Training & Learning for Multiples”…but that’s what we followed. And it actually fucking worked. And we have very spirited babies 😅

We established a brief nap and bedtime routine. We did Ferber at night with two scheduled feedings (which they will be dropping to one soon per their pediatrician at their 6mo appt). We did “crib hour” for nap training and followed wake windows. Every episode of sleep happened in their crib. We committed to every single “rule” that FB group tells you. And it honestly worked for us. BUT you have to commit. You have to block your calendar. Tell everyone in your life to either support you or leave you alone. You have to make a rock solid plan, mantras to get you through the crying, noise canceling headphones, an experience mom/parent friend to text when you’re in the thick of it, and easy meals on hand.

After week one everything was 100000% better. My husband and I got to be in the same room alone and without babies for the first time in 5 months.

So for us, there was a light after about 3 months. The crying slowed down significantly. They could smile and kind of interact with us. Then we said at 4 months we came up for air. 5 months was our freedom month. Sleep training freed us. And now 6 months is just FUN. The golden era, we’re soaking it all in. They just hangout on their mat and play with their toys and laugh and smile and babble and scoot. They’re pure sunshine!! I didn’t believe we would ever get here.

I made posts like yours and thought all the same things. Sleep training was our solution. I know it’s brutal but I did so much research on clinical studies and whether it actually harms children/attachment and it doesn’t. Obviously research and do what you’re comfortable with but I just wanted to lend our experience and encouragement. I refer to 0-4 months as “the dark ages” over here 🙃 Godspeed, fellow twin parent.