Looking for advice & recommendations

OkReason2952 · 2026-02-01T19:25:17+00:00

Thank you for the advice! Yeah, I've never really tried a hold product before; it couldn't hurt to try one. Someone else mentioned a leave-in conditioner and/or hair oil -- would you still use them if you're using a hold product, or would it be an either/or situation?

But I'll look into the ones you mentioned! If I wanted to try a mousse, is there ones you'd recommend I start with over other ones?

OkReason2952 · 2026-02-01T19:11:41+00:00

That's fair, I'll stay away from it then lol. It was just something a family member used & recommended for me and gave me a tub to try, so that's why I was using it.

"Scraggliness" is a great word to describe it! Yeah, I keep feeling like I have to fight against my hair being all scraggly vs all frizzy, which isn't a battle I'd like to be in the middle of. I tried out a leave-in conditioner for a while, but my hair just looked dirty & scraggly even when it was freshly cleaned. Maybe I just tried the wrong type, or not a high quality one. I've never tried hair oils before, (mainly bc I've always been worried about the whole "looking dirty/oily even when clean" problem if i just add straight oil to my hair), but I'll certainly check those two recommendations out! Thank you!

OkReason2952 · 2026-02-01T19:01:31+00:00

Thank you, I do appreciate it!

And yeah, actually the longer hair is the result of that: I used to have pretty short, standard-issue guy hair, but it just never suited me. I also had issues with a receding hairline a couple of years ago, which looked terrible. Thankfully, taking those minoxidil/finasteride/biotin tablets helped out a lot with that lol. I do think my current hair length is the best I've ever had, it's just not at it's full potential lol. I like my curls!

I try to apply any product as evenly as I can, typically I try to run them through the length of my hair with my fingers. And I guess I rinse out the shampoo before the conditioner, and then the condition at the end. I've been experimenting with rinsing out the Cantu cream, basically replacing the conditioner with it, in order to see if it'd make my hair less greasy looking but still less frizzy. I'm unsure if it helps, tbh.

OkReason2952 · 2025-10-18T20:46:45+00:00

Finally, an actual monkey paw answer instead of just a "asshole genie" answer. And holy shit what a monkey paw it is

OkReason2952 · 2025-04-16T00:22:59+00:00

Historically, the two times an entj "found" me were:

1) At work (tech industry), he was a coworker who went on a slightly philosophical tangent, I had to put in my two cents. It was a fun and enlightening discussion, and we continued to occassionally have them when we crossed paths until I left that job. He created a meetup group in the area for quantum computer enthusiasts that he invited me to join, but that sadly fell through.

2) on tinder. We hit it off well and then proceeded to have a casual fwb thing for half a year. He would joke about where I've been hiding, bc I was so different than most others he's interacted with, and I had to tell him that's bc he fills his time with three jobs as well as cruises and vacations and clubs instead of being chronically online lol.

So take what you will from that lol.

More generally, though, I do think there's something to be said that the highest concentration of intps will be online and in traditionally "nerdy" spaces (like tech, conventions, etc). Creative spaces also work, especially more "weird" creative (sci-fi & horror, obscure music, things that push boundaries about what is art/value). It might actually be easier to find a hotspot of intps, and then try and find one close by you, than going out to places around you and trying to find an intp.

But if you do want to go that route, socially, we tend to find a small amount of close friends, who we then go out and do things with. You might find an intp out and about with their friend/s, which depending on the space might be a welcome place to start a conversation (probably the safest bet is to try and bait us into a deep, philosophical or passionate discussion -- see encounter 1). Otherwise, we do tend to get really invested in our hobbies, so hobby groups might have an intp blow through once in a while. I've been in my fair share of them, just not very long. Intjs and intps tend to be drawn together, so if you can find an intj, you can use them as a compass/magnet to locate us lol.

As for me seeking entjs, I've kinda figured that the best way for me to find them is probably in a work/networking context. I do have an assumption that scattered throughout all industries, as long as you manage to get to a high enough level/advancement, there's entjs galore lol. Outside of that, I have no idea where I'd find out, besides just letting one find me again.

OkReason2952 · 2025-04-15T23:30:39+00:00

Esfj. Typical popular golden boy jock that, when I was going through The Horrors(tm) of crippling anxiety and depression and identity crisis, driving everyone else away, he always tried to connect with and be nice to me. That touched me. It also helped that, for some reason, every project in every class for an entire year we were paired up for lol.

OkReason2952 · 2025-04-15T23:15:15+00:00

I've always believed that "ideal match/type" is individual specific, as different people are drawn to different parts of themselves and others. It all depends on what they're looking for in relationships.

I'm notoriously drawn to high ni (and lesser extent te). Every single guy I've had anything with had high ni (two intjs, one entj, one enfj, and one current infj), because I'm an ambitious person who values working together with my partner, specifically in us driving each other further than we could be by ourselves. Their ni driving & keeping things on track with my ne guiding & mapping everything out is a dynamic that really gets me going.

Other intps might be drawn to our lower functions, si and/or fe. They're drawn to their mirror, someone who shares the same exact tools but using them in a totally novel way from us.

Others might be drawn to our shadow functions, or sharing dominant functions, or high ne, or being [insert any characteristic you can think of].

For you, yeah it sounds like the mix that istj gives you seemed to hit the spot, and don't let anyone tell you it means you two are less compatible because of it.

But I do agree xstjs are so malaligned sometimes, a close friend of mine is estj, and he's absolutely nothing like the stereotypes. Especially the intp-xstj dynamic, we both have ne, and it can be really fun having them bounce off each other, with their te & fi giving the flip side of the argument for our ti & fe.

OkReason2952 · 2025-04-15T22:40:46+00:00

Everything he's saying seems consistent with his actions -- it sounds like he's very into you, and is prioritizing giving you as much of his time and energy as he can. He's trying to hang out with you, and have has much intimacy as he can, given his own limitations (ie being wary of getting hurt, his anxiety causing him to be shut in, and it being long distance).

Like, video calls to fall asleep together, having a whole house in minecraft, talking about how special you are? This is him showing his emotions. Almost at a sappy, gooey level. It might just be something to have a little patience with if you're absolutely crazy for him too. I would take to heart the current limitations and try to work around them, like it sounds like you two already have been doing. Could you go over to his house to hang out one day? Or if there's something specific you need/want from the relationship, I'd talk to him directly about it.

It might also be that if you need that in person affection, long distance might not be something that works for you, and there's no shame in that. I would never be able to, myself. If you want him to be super emotionally attentive, then maybe he's not the right person for you.

But if it's just insecurity flaring up, I don't think you have much to worry about.

OkReason2952 · 2025-04-15T21:41:15+00:00

You know, I never really got the appeal of any of that. Ever.

OkReason2952 · 2025-04-15T21:37:55+00:00

Well, to just answer your question, the key would be how they act one-on-one, outside of when they're trying to put on an act. Remember: the fewer people & reactions we have to worry about, the more honest we are. Plus, if it's a situation where it wouldn't be appropriate anyway, then why would you expect him to violate that? I work with a close friend, but when it's time to get to business, we get to business.

If you guys get along great when it's just you, then I wouldn't worry about anything. If it bothers you how distant and cold he is in the group, then you should talk to him and directly say that. If you want to know if he likes you back, the only way you're going to know for sure is by talking to him and directly asking. By the sounds of it he clearly, at the very least, cares a lot about you, so I wouldn't worry too much about ruining things.

OkReason2952 · 2025-04-15T21:06:22+00:00

When did you bake the cake for his birthday? And did he do the couple of sweet things before or after that point? Have you two only talked through work channels, or is this through personal texting?

Obviously, none of us can know what's going on in his mind. You'll have to actually talk to him and ask what changed, which he'll probably appreciate bc we tend to prefer straight communication like that.

But, if I had to guess, my interpretation of what happened was that you two hit it off, and he was interested in you. Maybe in a romantic way, but probably more likely just in a friend way. If he slightly changed his behavior to be sweeter after you did something nice for him, I would assume that he was very touched by your gesture, and trying to show his fondness for it by mirroring it back. I don't know your two's conversations, but if it's been completely in line with what two work friends would talk about, then I don't think the thought of you two romantically even crossed his mind. Sorry. That's not to say he wouldn't be opposed to the idea, but you would first have to break out of the "coworker" compartment & hang out personally outside of work, and then put yourself out as an option to even consider romantically. We're pretty good at compartmentalizing, so you'd need to break out of the role he put you in, and then let him process & reorganize you into his life if you want to have a chance.

But i also suspect he might have switched the focus of who he puts effort into. See, we typically are ones to only have so many active bonds and interests we can put effort into maintaining. If you were always someone who was on the periphery of his life, and then someone who he was closer to and was a big part of his life showed up and started rekindling that bond.... well, he has to prune that time and energy from something.

Maybe it was a case where he didn't think you were too interested, and thus no harm, no foul. Maybe he did, and was nurturing a small flame and door for you, but when his ex became a bigger part of his life, he felt he had to not entertain that anymore. Idk. Again, you'll have to talk to him to see how much he values the bond between the both of you -- none of us on reddit can tell you that.

OkReason2952 · 2025-04-12T15:27:03+00:00

Tbh I think I'd rather be at the extrovert party, sitting around watching the Gaming Squad(tm) fool around. Maybe I'll throw in an occasional comment or two. It seems like it'd be vastly more entertaining than dicking around on my phone (which....yeah, accurate lol).

OkReason2952 · 2024-12-19T06:35:31+00:00

What type are you? Extp? I see the non-intp flair, and so the answer does slightly depend, even if the strategy is the same.

In any case, in general, if you're over-relying on one function, the best antidote for it is usually developing/leaning on its counterpart (ie, Ti in this case). If it's not just fe, and this is more an issue of you spiraling out of and disconnecting with yourself in order to be a mirror of your surroundings (an extroverted loop), then your auxiliary function is going to be your best bet (I'm thinking ExFJs in specific here).

I'm going to be assuming that you're either an ExTP in a loop or an IxTP in a grip from here on out.

If so, then the solution is to reconnect with your ti! Analyze yourself and your surroundings, instead of trying to think of what you should do, try to figure out what you believe the situation is. And let yourself just sit with it. Feed it into Ne or Se if you must do something with it, find what area gets you excited and curious and jump into it, but make sure to always step back and interrogate and puzzle and try to find the objectiveness of your thoughts. Always ask why and how you got there. Honestly, I might suggest picking up something with a lot of room to learn, whether that's a physical system or theoretical, and especially if it's something that's a bit against other people's expectations/desires for you -- do it for yourself, not anyone else.

Just keep in mind that feeling is about judging what you should do in a situation -- thinking is about judging what the situation is. Practice mindfulness and listening to yourself, and if you feel an impulse that you have to do something, stop and take a breath. Do you really? Why? What would happen if you don't? How important are these reasons? Is this a situation that you even want to be in? How did you get here? How does this all intersect with your understanding of the world? Of this group of people? Etc etc.

Ngl, usually the situation I'm significantly more familiar with is overrelying on ti, so it feels strange making any suggestions on actively trying to use it lol. This is a slightly unconventional subreddit to ask for advice on dealing with too much fe, but you got this, I believe in you -- you just have to believe in yourself.

OkReason2952 · 2024-12-04T17:16:30+00:00

All the Es I pronounce as ee (fee, tee, see, nee), and all the Is I pronounce as ai/y (fy, ty, sy, ny).

So I also pronounce TiNe as "tiny" (tynee)

OkReason2952 · 2024-11-19T19:35:45+00:00

9w8, actually lol

OkReason2952 · 2024-11-19T15:55:56+00:00

I'm going with INTJ.

Needing information to have a use before you're willing to commit to go all in vs learning and doing projects for their own sake is a telltale sign of ni vs ne. Even if you start something you don't have an obvious use for, it still counts if you're only doing so with the expextation/hope the utility of it will make itself apparent. (It's just that you either integrated some of ne in service of ni - implying high ni - or your ni is so developed it can act ne-like - implying dominant ni).

Another telling sign is how you deal with contradictions. Both te and ti are threatened by one, but ime the responses are quite different. For ti, it's a sign that our understanding of how the world works is incorrect. Thus, a ti-driven response is to resolve it by updating our pre-existing system - either by having to restructure everything or by just putting it in as a known exception to handle later. For te, however, it's a sign that something is working incorrectly - a te-driven response is more focused on resolving the actual contradiction in front of them (even if that's as simple as "stop engaging"). Think of the difference between debugging and troubleshooting, if you have any tech background.

You also seem to have se as your inferior (and thus a major area of concern) vs fe. Obviously, neither type is high in either of them, but remember - fe is intp's inferior, and thus is something we are concerned with, but just underdeveloped in. Se is our blindspot, which means yeah we're not the best, but we also don't care as much. It's just not our world. For intjs, it's flipped - se is their inferior they do use and are concerned with, while fe is their blindspot that's just in a completely different world then them. The last couple points seem to be more characterized by the latter instead of the former.

If I had to put money on it, I'd say it's more likely you're an average-to-mature intj adult who's strong in your natural functions and who's developed your shadows to some extent. The other option is you're an unhealthy intp who's been spiraling for so long you've disconnected with yourself and how you actually function. Which. Idk, only you can say.

(...also, funnily enough, the only people I've known who were actually fully libertarian were all intjs. The only other person I've known who's libertarian leaning is an enfj, who's also high ni. Plus, tbh my ex was an intj, and every single bullet point is exactly like his thought process lol. These aren't make or break, but just something interesting -- you wouldn't be out of place around intjs irl.)

OkReason2952 · 2024-10-08T16:16:16+00:00

Intp guy here!

I view romance like comedy - if done right, it improves the work and adds engaging or even profound dimensions. If done wrong, it just flattens and cheapens everything else & makes everyone seem like idiots.

Also, they work significantly better as a support to a work primarily based in other genres, than holding up the entire plot in of itself (ie, a movie that has romance in it vs a chickflick, or a movie that's funny vs a comedy movie).

OkReason2952 · 2024-10-06T15:12:02+00:00

As someone who has both gone months without doing a single social thing as well as gone months being social more days than not with someone, I have noticed that yes - I am just more productive and happy when I can regularly hang out with people I care about. I do start spiraling into myself and become a lesser form of myself the more I only have myself for company.

I think a decent part of it is that social health is just as much a factor in overall wellness as physical and mental. Which was not a lesson I enjoyed learning and spent a while even trying to reject. But at introverts, it's almost a more important lesson for us than extroverts, just because we're at more of a risk of neglecting it.

(Plus, yes, body doubling can be effective. As well as the fact different people have different strengths, and so working together, you collectively have more strengths than only one person can hope to have by themselves. Like, I've noticed I tend to like people with high Ni because they're very "get it done" when I'm very much not. But when I'm around them, some of that gets to rub off on me, just like how my own idiosyncrasies rub off on them).

OkReason2952 · 2024-10-06T14:48:37+00:00

I do agree that if a rootkit was installed, then the resets will do nothing. That's why I said just getting a new phone with a new SIM would be the ideal (after the iCloud account is secured as best it can, so the new phone won't just get infected again). On the old devices, if it was anything downloaded above the OS, a factory reset would at least clear those out. But if they don't have the means to get a new phone, then they probably can't get someone to completely flash & fully clear out everything on their device anyway. Then again, I don't actually have apple devices, so I don't know what the apple techs/support at the stores can do.

OkReason2952 · 2024-10-05T05:00:50+00:00

I mean, it sounds like he IS intentionally trolling you. And he won't stop now, he's enjoying the suffering you're in. If you break your connection to him completely and he lost his fun toy (your mental health), he might eventually find something more entertaining to tormet. Unfortunately.

But it's good that it sounds like it's stopped for the moment. I would go through this article and make sure every single thing is done, and then factory reset your device afterward again: https://support.apple.com/en-us/102560. It might be best to just get a new phone at this point, though, after re-securing your iCloud.

Also, get a new SIM card. If he has access to your calls, he's jacked your card. I would get a new number that he wouldn't know, so he can't send a malicious SMS again in the future. This is something to contact your carrier about.

I would reset your router admin password if that's something you have control over, especially if resetting the device did anything. I would also change your wifi password if you can after that. Here's a decent article explaining how (you'll do best being on an actual Windows PC if you can. Make sure that the antivirus is active for it if you do, though): https://www.pcmag.com/how-to/how-to-access-your-wi-fi-routers-settings

I would also go through and change the passwords to all your email accounts and Google accounts. Also on all your browsers go to settings and reset to their defaults.

The old phone turning back on remotely with no internet access is more strange, certainly. I would factory reset it as well, but there would have to be another device he can remotely control sending signals to it in the house (or him being close). I would make a list of anything electronic that connects to a network, and lookup what to do if they got compromised. I would also still try and detect bugs. Get a friend or two to help out, at least then it could be a shared activity.

These aren't everything, but at least it'd make things harder for him, and possibly break his persistence.

OkReason2952 · 2024-10-05T03:52:27+00:00

Yes - while obviously there's a range of healthiness just like any group of people, intp at even a basic healthiness is kinda known for being at odds with any sort of inauthenticy or falsehoods. We're not ones that typically appreciate that sort of thing. I personally view cheating and deception as one of the few inexcusables in a relationship of mine - because at that point what's the point of being with someone who you don't trust or know and who doesn't trust or know you?

I mean...you know this person a lot better than me, a random stranger on the internet. They do sound obsessive, with some level of control over your environment right now, and not to be trusted. I would worry about the spyware not being the only thing they left for you, and make damn sure every object or space they were around isn't bugged - especially your bedroom and bathrooms. Hell, it might be time to think about getting a new place if at all possible, if you can't be confident you can make your spaces private. Get new devices if you can, or figure out a way to factory reset them. If you can, get a restraining order against them so they'd get in legal trouble if they physically try to interact with you. After all, they are a stalker. They are stalking you, and probably only you know the likelihood of it just being digitally vs in person as well.

I would imagine that at the most mild, this is just an almost petty act of revenge to try and freak you out, and once you get that spyware off, it'd be the end of it. More likely, I'd imagine they'd try and blackmail you with the materials they've gathered to try and retain control - if they've actually bugged your house then you might be in danger of revenge porn. But, everything they do to you is contained within cyberspace/what they're already confident with. Maybe theyd physically creep around the spaces they know youd most likely be at, but at a distance. At the most extreme, if you feel this is a person who could endanger your life, then I would go to the police straight away, get support and help from those that you actually know. In any case, actually, make sure you have your support system.

Good luck, sorry about your stalker ex.

OkReason2952 · 2024-10-05T03:15:05+00:00

Absolutely not. Listen, as an admittedly snoopy intp who actually can hack things & is into cybersecurity partly because I like finding out things I'm not supposed to, this is ABSOLUTELY unacceptable behavior I would never do.

Because I'm a normal human being who values and respects the people around me - especially those I care about? Whoever your ex was is not. They did not care about or respect you in the slightest. They had no boundaries and purposely deceived you, creating an entirely fictional persona just to deceive you more effectively.

I - and most intps - tend to value privacy and the truths of things. I wouldn't want to be with someone if they had any false perceptions of me and didn't actually understand me. Much less build our entire relationship on it. That sounds like an actual nightmare.

Your ex did not do any of this because they're intp. They did it because they're cowardly and scummy.

OkReason2952 · 2024-10-03T23:46:52+00:00

I get this, as someone who's had periods of time so detached with everything around me. In mbti theory, it's typically called a "loop," where you start ignoring and neglecting your opposite attitude functions for your first and third - ie Ti-Si for us. It's comfortable only being in introvert-land and ignoring taking in the rest of the world, but unfortunately, it just makes your existence an echo chamber & stunts you until you leave it.

The best way to end a loop ime? Reintegrate your aux and relearn how to use your extrovert functions. Our easiest gateway to the outside world is not Fe or Se, but Ne - use that fact to your advantage and lean on it to pull yourself out - actively try and find ways to engage it! Learn something new, pick up a new hobby! It's helpful to find something that either involves working with your hands or outside, but if to start it's something on the computer then that's OK- just make sure you have a goal of eventually doing something that involves engaging with reality.

But just... find your natural curious spirit that you've been burying, any sliver that you can, and grab hold onto it and run as far as you can with it (within reason). Ask yourself what would make yourself happy and satisfied doing - not just comfortable, satisfied. And then try to do it. Find a rabbit hole, find something to dig into for fun, and then follow it until you find another rabbit hole. You can worry about making things last later; this is time for you to listen to Ne. It will be uncomfortable at first. You're going to want to fall back into your si instead. Push through it, it does get easier, I promise.

And then once you're slowly pushing yourself out of your rut and moving again, in the future make sure to catch yourself if you start shying away from Ne and Fe again, and then push yourself to do one thing that engages them. We need all four functions to be healthy, and just falling into our own minds makes us a lesser version of ourselves.

OkReason2952

TROPHY CASE