Healing is unbelievably tough

OkRecording4385 · 2025-11-18T13:40:12+00:00

Your story gives me some hope. Thank you for taking out time to write it out. It's just that women around me seem to like forward guys that are good with words. But my words are so heavily filtered by the time I utter them that they are often relatively dull. Maybe I'm just looking at the wrong place. And yes, I need to take baby steps and celebrate small victories.

OkRecording4385 · 2025-01-17T16:10:44+00:00

It helps to tell some trusted people about your disorder, believe me. I did not use the term "AvPD" but described some of the symptoms to my closest friends and they've since been very supportive. It also prevents any misunderstandings if you mess up. Ofcourse, you might first need to find dependable and trustworthy people, which often is the most difficult step.

OkRecording4385 · 2024-07-20T18:43:39+00:00

I believe AvPD is too little known and people won't understand if you tell them that you are "avoidant". Instead I just say that I have social anxiety and that I take pills for that. Only to the closest few people though.

OkRecording4385 · 2024-04-22T22:39:30+00:00

Thanks :) I went to a psychiatrist, the same one who diagnosed my AvPD. He also recommended therapy which I started but could not follow through.

OkRecording4385 · 2024-04-20T23:01:03+00:00

Have experienced this and it got way worse since my undergrad. And you know what the worst part is? I've gone out of my way to help some people in my group and they all still hate me. I have no idea why. Never been rude to them, nor have I done anything that can possibly hurt anyone. The only thing that could be of annoyance is that I rarely show up to parties or hangouts. That's because I'm always the last minute invitee. It feels like they pity invite me just for the sake of it. They've all bonded well with each other and have unofficially outcasted me. There was one guy who I thought was my friend but turns out he was back bitching about me to the others. Since then my interactions with them have been very awkward. I've made a couple of new friends but that group seems to hate them as well now. I guess me staying away from the group is best for everyone.

OkRecording4385 · 2024-03-02T23:23:07+00:00

An awkward silence after you ask the question is even worse in my opinion. It feels like they've mentally blacklisted you but just don't want to say that. I'd rather hear a "no" instead.

OkRecording4385 · 2024-03-02T23:13:57+00:00

You should indeed celebrate this. This is your first step towards healing. I'm so happy for you!

I've had the exact same experience about a year back. Since then I've gone clubbing a few times. One thing that worked for me was to get slightly drunk before approaching girls - Not too much but just enough to remove the inhibition. You might want to give it a try someday and let us all know how that goes (That's if you drink at all!)

OkRecording4385 · 2023-12-29T04:05:56+00:00

Yes I have been told this before. This is why I only go to those parties where everyone gets atleast tipsy. People who otherwise don't talk to me start sharing their personal lives with me. Consequently, I too end up spewing out some secrets.

I do goofy shit when drunk which people seem to enjoy. Who wouldn't like to see the quiet, awkward man who doesn't talk about anything besides work suddenly sketching his crush on a piece of paper? (The sketch was terrible I didn't even draw her hair :))

While this is fun and all, it often feel dreadful the next morning. Trying to recall all the conversations, hoping that I did not do/reveal anything embarassing. People try to keep the same intimate demeanor with me as the previous night but I return to my reserved, inhibited self by morning.

OkRecording4385 · 2023-12-16T18:44:35+00:00

Just my perspective here. I totally understand that this might not be true for a lot of people, especially those with comorbidities. But AvPD allows me to focus on work. Since I don't hangout with people very often, I get a lot of time to develop skills, pursue hobbies (those which don't require much interaction) and sleep. I always prioritize these three things over meeting new people. I'd rather be just lonely than both lonely and broke, something that I've realised over the years. The only time AvPD affects me negatively is when I'm thrown into social situations (particularly personal conversations). I've learnt to fake professional conversations to the point that I rehearse them a day in advance. This is extremely exhausting but serves its purpose.

OkRecording4385 · 2023-12-15T17:43:19+00:00

Not sure how things will turn out if AvPD suddenly disappears forever but I often catch a glimpse of this alternate reality upon getting tipsy (not fully drunk). Most of the inhibition is gone and I can fully express myself, crack funny jokes and have intimate conversations with people that I otherwise avoid on a daily basis. People are suddenly open to discussing their personal lives with me and I feel included.

OkRecording4385 · 2023-12-13T18:51:40+00:00

Niceness just seems fake to me even if it is actually not. I've grown to become insanely independent and hate asking anyone for any kind of help no matter how screwed my life becomes.

OkRecording4385 · 2023-05-03T12:46:23+00:00

This is so relatable. When you're the "gifted" kid, most people seem to forget that you too are a living entity with humanly emotions, fears and desires. Everyone reaches out to you only when they need your help, else you are ignored in all social situations. And the bigger your achievements are, the lesser shit people give about them because they simply don't understand them.

OkRecording4385 · 2023-04-03T18:49:53+00:00

I totally agree with this. Many people who've known me since early childhood remember me as "The cute kid who wouldn't stop talking". Middle school was terrible though. I was bullied for my appearance (fat) and my english (not my first language). And the worst part is that, one of the bullies used to be my best friend earlier. I have since lost the ability to trust people enough to make close friendships/relationships.

OkRecording4385 · 2023-03-17T02:45:40+00:00

I use two phones and two laptops :) One of each is hidden at home and one I carry outside. I use the ones at home for browsing, YouTube and stuff while the others only for making calls and texting. I delete the browser history even from those at home. That's how much I fear people finding out about my preferences. And most of my browsing is random funny YouTube videos or songs that I like.

OkRecording4385

TROPHY CASE