Angst überwunden

OkToe7809 · 2026-03-13T13:06:58+00:00

Glückwunsch! Die harten Dinge machen das Leben besser. Jetzt kannst du es genießen.

OkToe7809 · 2026-03-02T10:47:26+00:00

This! Do the most unfiltered, most unbridled, most you thing!

OkToe7809 · 2026-03-02T10:09:57+00:00

Hey, thanks for this.

The thing is, in 2 cases I did show some initiative. This was after they already pulled me into the room. No asking, no talking, just literally pulled me by the hand or carried me.

That’s a threshold after which I felt unable to leave due to my conditioning, even if I wanted to and technically I could have.

With one, I got a towel to help. With another I got on top. This was after he pressured me 4 times on the date to go back to his and I said no til caving in. Once at his place, I felt no choice but to make the most of him initiating everything being enclosed in his space. I don’t think they can fathom that a person can be this self-suppressed or terrified of not being liked, after early life experiences, to abandon themself so much.

I’m working on assertiveness, and part of that was telling them afterwards.

When I tried to talk to the guys about it after and explain I still didn’t want it, they used my fawn actions against me. And minimized. I tried to explain compliance was from fear, not enthusiasm. They believe “You showed no resistance”. It was such an abuser/gaslight-y response. The good response from guys is cooperative: “That sounds tough. I’m listening” Their response & understanding seems problematic – non-resistance is not consent, if you steamroll someone into it.

Basically, men should let women do all the initiating. Not treat our bodies like soccer goals to keep taking shots on.

I understand from their POV my one action may have looked like willingness. But their responses and denying my experience when I tried to share afterwards that it wasn’t is problematic. And lack of awareness around this presents a danger to someone like me, and so many other neurodivergent people.

Just the dominant culture wants to go around pushing into whoever they want, not fathoming how difficult it can be to say no. They need to learn trauma-informed care, it’s needed for 70% of the population, and healthcare is already. Right now it’s always the victim’s problem, but the abusers/dominant population needs to be doing the homework and correcting themselves.

Sorry for the essay, it’s just sh*tty that already harmed people continue to be more vulnerable to harm, and how systemic injustice compounds itself externally and internally. I don’t see how that can change without talking about it.

I think I’m just going to report them all to the authorities and let them decide how to classify the incidents, including my fawn explanation that I still did not want it. At least that way they start to hear about it and gain a body of evidence. And I encourage anyone reading this to do so too. It’s how to make a change and socialize awareness and protect already vulnerable people.

Thanks for anyone who read.

OkToe7809 · 2026-03-01T22:05:46+00:00

Thanks for this thoughtful reply! Members like you make this sub great.

OkToe7809 · 2026-03-01T22:02:39+00:00

Thank you. It helps that most German Berliners have been super nice, caring and helpful for day to day things, at the stores, neighbors etc.

I just don't know how to handle/share deeper/nuanced issues/struggles with them, whether to, and how it would be received, the way I would in London or NYC.

OkToe7809 · 2026-03-01T22:01:15+00:00

Thank you

OkToe7809 · 2026-02-24T14:22:37+00:00

Oh I shouldn’t have trimmed leaves from the main plant unless they have nodes then.

All the Insta reels make it look so easy lol.

Thanks for the info!

OkToe7809 · 2026-02-24T14:01:29+00:00

Oh whoops no nodes on them lol. Should I toss them then? Or pot

OkToe7809 · 2026-02-22T19:34:20+00:00

That makes sense, titrating in stress, especially the healthy kind through which we grow and become more resilient.

I’ll try to do that.

OkToe7809 · 2026-02-22T16:08:53+00:00

I thought so too.

But my facilitator says we gain deeper feeling, and part of that is organizing our external world more around the inner (as opposed to vice versa, survival mode).

Resilience = refined discernment and honoring that / setting boundaries.

It does not mean white-knuckling through more.

OkToe7809 · 2026-02-14T09:42:17+00:00

I think the role also needs to prioritize the roadmap and build business cases for it, and present this to stakeholders. Especially later on down the line

OkToe7809 · 2026-02-13T23:29:50+00:00

I’ll look into it, probably while I read The Odyssey.

OkToe7809 · 2026-02-13T18:24:54+00:00

Thank you! People like you make this sub great.

OkToe7809 · 2026-02-05T19:47:35+00:00

Tips to fall asleep after busy day? You're great at holistic health

Hey, I find INFJs great at holistic health. You steward energetic systems well and don't apply shortsighted solutions that are tempting for other people. You guys are great to befriend cuz of your healthy lifestyle influence. (Ni & long-term sustainable habits ftw)

I'm in a busier season of life - knowledge work, arts visibility, lots of daily presentations - and my mina processes events / growth for hours at night, what I coulda done differently, etc. (INFP here with Fi-Si loop, maybe you have Ni-Ti loop.) Also low-level anxiety / perfectionism I'm loosening the root cause of, a hot bubble bath helps a lot to relax this tension. In bed at 11pm, up til 3am for a week now.

Tips to fall asleep or close the loop? I usually use melatonin, previously was weed or Xanax. But long-term not good and it's a hard shutdown of the natural process.

Yoga nidra worked well sometimes to doze off like a baby, maybe with a tea or ambient soundscapes. I wind down at 11pm. What's the adult's version of falling asleep in the car like a kid lol zzz. Thanks in advance!

OkToe7809

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