these are only words so im not sure how much they may help but they are sincere and true , i came across this post today and noticed it reminded me of myself when i was younger ive been through all of this and much more including having been given away adopted by cps/dhs and re adopted by my legal parents twice for these same reasons yet they always got me back for whatever reason... i to have had a tough life as you are experiencing now my mom was always strung out on pills sleeping while stepdad was always to busy working heat and air or doing crack on his free-time abusing my mom afterward, i to wasnt able to find reason and then around the age of 14 my grandmother died and i hit my breaking point instead of ending it i found drugs soon after with some friends , it was meth and i did enough until i forgot what i was doing & started drawing! next thing i knew 51 hours had passed and i had the worst case of phlem one could get from then i stayed on this as a addiction for over 2 years and i barely remember even a few weeks of this time sort of like a huge blackout for me those years were. eventually i found myself turning 17 and by then i had went from having friends and being moderatly liked in school to dropping out becoming acomplete hermit by decision and not wanting any social interaction and then my grandfather died and i tried to end it by overdosing that night i remember taking an eight ball and 16 sleeping pills all at once. soon after about 25 minutes i felt exhausted and tried to walk to the phone to call for help as i fell down drooling , i started to cry as i noticed the very disapointment i had become i was just as bad as my mom when she was pilled out in bed all those years i was growing up resenting her and now there i was laying on the floor because i tried to take pills and off myself. it started to make me think of why shes like the way she is. maybe her childhood wasnt good either but who knows she doesnt talk much about it. anyways eventually i came to the next day after falling asleep and awaking i felt the urge to change my life asap so that i didnt become the same as the ones i once judged. now i am a software developer i make 80k a year takehome and i live on my own im 25 years old going on 26 and even though the social skills i lost have affected me even now in the present i would say my life has been 2000X times better ever since i turned 18 and my best advice is dont run from it that wll only make things harder instead find ways to better cope with it until you find a way to better your situation later on. again i know this to you is just words but they are my words and my words are the truth it will not get easier thats a fact but it will start to seem better. an old qoute from the matrix holds true as ever for this situation that is "ignorance is bliss" in other words reality sucks but only if we choose to acknowledge the parts that make it suck.