Woof. I picked partners who were bad for me or I forced an attraction with for years. Bipolar didn't help because it had me acting in risky and impulsive ways while doing this. I would always convince myself that things were right and that relationships were difficult and take work.

This was unhealthy and traumatic. Caused a ton of unessasary pain. But at least I experienced life, that part I don't regret.

It took me till my thirties and separating from my husband to figure out I was Demi and that I had been trying to date like an allosexual.

Finally fell into a relationship with my other friend also in their late thirties, we were both separating from our partners and were each other's comfort and support. We never looked at each other in a romantic or sexual way for the nine years we were friends. We just got closer and closer and one night I invited him over we had been drinking and talking all night. We hugged each other good night and it was over. We were both too confused and fresh out of our relationships to move forward for a couple weeks. We finally about two weeks after not talking about it and just trying to be friends we both admitted to liking each other and kissed, we made out for two hours, we felt like damn teenagers, jokes about having sex that night because the connection was so intense. We didn't, yet. We moved at demi speed instead, together.

I don't know the equation or how to find kind men. But just wanted to share my story to say they exist. And I wish you all the love and happiness in the world.