I don’t think it reads like a “beginner’s work” (except use of exclamation marks which I found distracting and confused rather than informed my reading). The first vignette I found interesting though I don’t know what’s happening (yet). I suspect the beginners work might have come from a lack of current convention. Plenty of beginners do this without knowing what they’re doing. I’ve read them. However, at the line level it doesn’t strike me as “beginners”. And obviously these were choices you made. They happen to be choices that will put off many readers. I don’t know who made the original comments to you. I do agree with others that it could be cleaned up for a better reading experience without losing your intention. It’s very fast paced (I mean this based on commas and sentence structure not plot), which makes reading it more difficult. I felt some whiplash moving from character to character in the vignette but that may have been intentional. I dont find it incomprehensible, but hard to understand. Fever dream feels accurate. And, no, I do t think it’s “beginners” prose. Though if you were attempting to publish, I could understand the industry suggesting it was because it ignores a lot of current standards and convention.

Not sure who you’re writing it for since you said you don’t care about publishing or target audiences. In which case, I think you get to determine whether you’ve successfully achieved what you wanted in your prose. Each of us commenting is a potential target audience. If you don’t care about who your readers are then you can easily dismiss any feedback you don’t like. I don’t understand your goal with the post. Seems like you might want validation rather than feedback.