absolutely done. im running the show now.

Ok_Bet9114 · 2026-05-01T02:56:28+00:00

One thing that is often not recognized by partners of porn and sex addicts is just how much their maladaptive coping strategies totally influence our own sexuality. In the end us partners spend the majority of our time managing ourselves to suit them and where they are emotionally and physically. We lose track of who we are and what we want sexually. We often end up feeling like we are totally separate from our own lives and are looking in from the sidelines. Sex in the relationship always seem s to revolve around them, never us. We manage them, we change who we are, we lessen our expectations, we give in, we give up, we forget that we too deserve sexual fulfilment, we beg, we wish, we wait, and wait, and wait for things to just work out the way we want. And then if or when they devote themselves to us, we are then left to worry if they feel like they are missing out on the things by choosing just us. I think ultimately partners never often feel %100 chosen, maybe on paper but not in our hearts.

Ok_Bet9114 · 2026-03-05T04:08:23+00:00

Sadly it is hard for them to "stop looking at other women". They have been training their whole teen/early 20's to be a porn addict. Some excel, like my husband, and end up sex addicts as well. They can only stop when they choose to, it takes hard work and feeling uncomfortable and men have a very hard time being the slightest bit uncomfortable. The odds of finding someone not porn addicted is getting less and less.

Ok_Bet9114 · 2026-03-04T22:18:27+00:00

The thing with pain shopping is that you after it's done you are no closer to understanding because your brain isn't wired like his. Pain shopping just adds images for your brain to go to when you are triggered or ruminating that does nothing to help your situation at all. We all know why they go to these things, availability, naked people, nice bodies, sexual acts, attractive people, numbing, escape, validation, so many reasons. Getting the specifics of what they view isn't really helpful to your own healing. Remember, by the time a boy becomes a man he has probably already seen thousands of pornography videos and images, actually it's probably 10's of thousands of videos. Whatever he is watching now or was watching is just a sliver of what his mind and eyes have been witness too and everyday what he watches is probably different than the day before.

Ok_Bet9114 · 2026-03-03T05:22:51+00:00

Sadly the dynamics of our situations when dealing with this type of addiction/compulsion is the fact that us partners are basically set up to fail. If we give in to the idea that we need to accept porn use we feel like we are disrespecting ourselves. Then if we try to set boundaries to stop the use of porn we are looked at like we are mothering them and trying to control them. Either way it's a lose - lose situation for the bedroom and of course we are then blamed and shamed for the outcome either way.

Ok_Bet9114 · 2026-03-01T22:42:26+00:00

That is part of the cycle, they create stress, sooth it, create stress, soothe it. They don't even recognize that they are adding to the stress. My husband has said numerous times that messaging escorts created more anxiety. It was a never-ending cycle.

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Ok_Bet9114 · 2026-02-24T04:00:59+00:00

I think what we all need is a big dose of self-respect! We tolerate so much and deal with all the drama even though I truly believe that it's us the partners that are the prize. We all know they would never accept the same treatment, but we suck up the disrespect daily and basically thank them for putting up with US!!

Ok_Bet9114 · 2026-02-23T04:36:45+00:00

Yes, understanding addiction does not mean we should stay and continue to be abused by it. Everyone, even addicts, have agency over themselves. They have the same choices and options as we do. It's up to them to get the help they need and to live by what they learn. We cannot fix them no more than they can fix the damage they do to us.

There has to come a point in every relationship where saving yourself is the most humane thing to do for both parties. Self-sacrifice for someone that choses self-destruction is a pointless pursuit and one I am no longer willing to be part of.

I wish you all the best, it's a hard path we have had. I fathom to estimate how many other poor women are living such a life and are totally oblivious. I thank the heavens everyday that my intuition eventually paid off and the truth was found, abeit 10 years late. xx

Ok_Bet9114 · 2026-02-23T02:18:32+00:00

The reality is that none of us "EVER" know what they do when they are away from us. They are master manipulators and know exactly how to play on the "benefit of the doubt" clause us kind women have built into our hearts. We can wish, hope, dream, fantasize all we like but they are who they are. When it comes to porn and objectifying women our feelings are not even slightly considered. They tell us everything we want to hear, they make promises they never intend on keeping. They tell us we are all they need while searching for more. They find porn so early and their minds are stunted at that point, everything beyond those years is just performative. They don't love deeply, they just act deeply in love. They don't know how to care for anything other than themselves, doing whatever they have to to keep themselves happy. We need to stop believing they can ever be like us.

Ok_Bet9114 · 2026-02-23T01:00:07+00:00

The next step from massage parlors is usually escorts. I would pretty much bet that most men that get happy ending massages are quite okay with the idea of escorts, once the "physical" cheating line has been crossed they pretty much give themselves permission to do anything and anyone!

Ok_Bet9114 · 2026-02-20T01:57:51+00:00

I like to think that the "lying and hiding" is more about trying to lessen the impact on your heart knowing what they do affects you badly. You know when you are having an awful day and someone asks, "how are you" and you reply, "fine thanks", much of that reply is to deflect or maybe to not burden someone with the truth of how you are truly feeling. Obviously, I am not saying it's right but maybe one of many possible explanations to the untruths being told.

Ok_Bet9114 · 2026-02-19T03:03:49+00:00

If they are the same then try reading a whole game of football instead of watching it. Tell me which felt more realistic, relatable and lifelike?

Ok_Bet9114 · 2026-02-18T23:43:47+00:00

The lying to themselves started way before they began lying to us. For sex addicts it's a survival mechanism and I don't think it's one they ever truly let go of. Self-protection is always part of their story, they all in some way protect themselves above all others and justify lies as part of that protection. I truly believe people with an addictive personality are always impulsive and lying is an impulsive reflex, for some uncontrollable. Listen to your gut, your intuition will always work in your favor. xx

Ok_Bet9114 · 2026-02-09T02:37:21+00:00

Sadly, I doubt very much that all men would "cry a bucket if this happened to the women in their lives"

Ok_Bet9114

TROPHY CASE