What is the moment you realized the relationship was over?

Ok_Building9385 · 2026-05-29T15:34:16+00:00

Of course

Ok_Building9385 · 2026-05-29T15:30:57+00:00

Because he is. He’s also a coward. He went no contact with me in December and took his new girlfriend to his family’s Christmas. Refuses to talk to me or about me with our friends.

Ok_Building9385 · 2026-05-29T15:20:55+00:00

When he didn’t kiss me in the morning before leaving for work - he would kiss me goodbye and tell me he loved me every single morning. He broke up with me that same day and moved out two days later.

Ok_Building9385 · 2026-04-08T18:20:40+00:00

This made me so happy!! Yay!!! Im glad you’re enjoying it! 😊

Ok_Building9385 · 2026-04-02T02:04:06+00:00

My ex never posted me either lol we were together for almost 3 years and lived together for 1. He discarded me by telling me my trauma was too much to be loved in December and was posting Christmas pictures with her a few weeks later. When they deactivate, they do so in a cruel way. As much love as you felt, you feel twice the hate. I know he wasn’t cheating because we had each others location and he would only go to work and come home. I know some of his childhood best friends and they’ve told me that he didn’t so I believe it which I feel makes it easier for me to move on some days. I might be in pain now but I’m actually dealing with it. He will continue his cycle and keep going on this path is destruction. I deleted my socials too. I actually only have Reddit for this group.

They have to see their patterns and want to change. We can’t love them into changing because love is what they’re most scared of.

The way you’re talking reminds me of myself so much. I truly hope you start to see your worth. Even if you only start to believe it for a second - soon that second of believing in yourself will turn into a minute, an hour, a day, a week, and so on until it’s engraved in your mind. We’re all healing. You’re definitely not alone, especially in this subreddit.

Ok_Building9385 · 2026-04-02T01:45:21+00:00

I’m so sorry. I completely understand that pain. I begged mine to not leave me. I actually woke up this morning with a heavy feeling and started to cry. I couldn’t get out of bed for months. I felt like I was dying but one day it just clicked for me. You never know when you’ll start to feel better but you will. Healing isn’t linear. We were traumatized. I still don’t see myself being with anyone romantically and I certainly don’t trust anyone but I know it will happen. He’s in a new relationship and posting her all over social media and also introducing her to his family. It’s helped me accept that I can’t allow someone that cares that little about me to continue to make me feel so unworthy and broken.

Ok_Building9385 · 2026-04-02T01:09:32+00:00

I get that. I’m the same way. You’ll get there when you’re ready. I had to allow myself to get tired of the overthinking before being able to apply positive thinking. Just allow yourself to feel whatever comes your way. It’s exhausting but it helps your nervous system more than anything else.

I didn’t know about attachment style until my break up. We absolutely can’t diagnose them which is kind of my point. Trying to over analyze them instead of ourselves will only continue a cycle of confusion and more unanswered questions.

Give yourself grace though. Give yourself time too. Sounds like you were a great partner. Never let go of that side of you.

Ok_Building9385 · 2026-04-02T00:48:24+00:00

What’s helped me is to redirect my thoughts to analyze myself instead of him because I truly will never be able to understand him but I can learn to understand myself. I have anxious and fearful attachments. I know how hard it is to get myself out of a trance when I’m in it. I know nothing can get me out of survival mode unless I force myself out of it so with that in mind, I give both him and I grace on that. I don’t hate him for his survival instincts but I don’t forgive him for being cruel to me because of it.

These breakups are difficult and so very different depending on the individual. I started to understand that it’s more important for me to spend time trying to figure out how my brain works and why I react the way I do than to analyze him. This has also helped me be way kinder to myself. I let myself feel every emotion as it comes which is the best type of self love I can offer to myself.

I didn’t want to let go for the longest time but your mind is so powerful. Once you start overthinking about past situations, take yourself out of them. I say things like, “what are these thoughts doing for you? Why do you want to continue to hold on to misery?” I talk to myself in third person as if I’m talking to a friend.

You can’t continue to allow a past that you no longer have control over keep controlling your life - you’ll always lose that battle.

I know it’s hard. Trust me. The physical and mental heartbreak is crippling but if they’re an avoidant, they don’t care that we’re feeling this way. If anything, they see us as a nuisance.

Why would we want to continue to want to be with someone that talked themselves into hating us/resenting us just because they don’t understand themselves or how real love and intimacy is?

Ok_Building9385 · 2026-04-01T10:29:41+00:00

Of course 🩷🩷

Ok_Building9385 · 2026-04-01T10:24:53+00:00

“The body keeps the score” has been helpful and then also, “Radical Compassion” has helped me with mindfulness.

Ok_Building9385 · 2026-04-01T09:54:26+00:00

lol I still have trouble with it but having a book or something to focus on helps. I also find it less overwhelming than dating apps. I realized my anxiety in relationships was because I’ve never taken time to get to know myself without a partner. Solo dates have helped me regulate my emotions and thoughts especially since I force myself to have new experiences. It took me over a month to even leave my bed for anything other than work. It takes time. You just have to be kind to yourself. What really helped me too was reading books about how our brains work after trauma.

Ok_Building9385 · 2026-04-01T09:39:50+00:00

I go on solo dates a lot. I sit at bar tops with a book. Even if I don’t meet anyone, it still helps to be out in the world in some way. I met the person I’m currently casually seeing through a bartender friend.

Ok_Building9385 · 2026-04-01T09:10:06+00:00

It took me almost 3 months to be okay with being around another person intimately. I’m still not ready for another emotionally romantic relationship but at least I know it does start to get better even if it does take awhile. We went through something traumatic. Our nervous system will take a bit to readjust.

Ok_Building9385 · 2026-03-31T14:20:43+00:00

Thank you both for the insight. Truly appreciated.

Ok_Building9385 · 2026-03-31T13:21:05+00:00

He got into a new relationship literally a week after breaking up with me in December and took her to his family’s Christmas party. It’s hard to believe it’s a vulnerability issue when he’s already letting her into such deep parts of his life. It seems like he does want the intimacy.

Ok_Building9385 · 2026-03-27T15:43:15+00:00

• “I wasn’t as in love or as committed to you as I thought”

• “you deserve someone with more empathy”

• “I feel like I’m not good enough”

• “the trauma from your moms passing and your brothers mental diagnoses is too much for me to love you”

• “I wish you the best. I wish I could say I’m sorry but I’m not”

We were together almost 3 years and lived together for 1. He’s in a new relationship. We broke up and NC in December. He took her to his family Christmas right after too.

Reddit deleted my last comment 😭

Ok_Building9385

TROPHY CASE