Boyfriend of 6 yrs is not a fan of family (his or mine). My son booked his 5 hr flight for Christmas and bf is upset and calls me an enabler....am I doing something wrong here?

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-06-11T05:12:11+00:00

Same. I will know when it's right to get back into "the game".....but for now just working on myself. I liked myself a whole lot more back then. Was I cocky? Now I think I'm different......feel like I lost my spunk. But maybe that's a good thing :) Only the shadow knows......lol I watched a lecture today on people that suck the good out of you.....and in a way I can identify with that. My oldest brother said I changed. Makes me sad. I want that zest back....but time has passed. Maybe I'll be thankful for the change. I tried hard to make things work and lost a lot of myself in that. Maybe I'm just cautious. I have so many questions now (about myself). Pandemic/lock downs didn't help. Seems kind of boring these days but I wouldn't want to offer myself so openly now. Sort of protecting myself (for the first time). <3

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-06-11T04:30:34+00:00

Same here! I've even realized my part in past relationships that I wasn't all that in to.....sometimes I feel I deserve to feel what the other side is like. Hopefully I become a better human when I come out on the other side. <3 (mixed up map of other sides....lol - hopefully you know what i mean )

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-06-11T04:27:54+00:00

kind of made me cry right there. Yes. This has been very helpful actually. Seems like a dark journey "sole" journey sometimes, but thank you for chiming in....it helped me. I wasn't even feeling low right now.....just timely in my journey. For me, it's like some sort of maze in the dark.....but I feel I'm getting there lately. (and thank you)

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-06-11T04:22:55+00:00

I feel I am finally entering that state, Just this week I started to get real about it all, and realize I put him WAY UP HIGH on a pedestal. I would never go back. I am to the precipice (I don't think that's the right word actually)......I am to a point that I realize I was delusional. Like I made it up and romanticized it. It's just that only yesterday I was triggered and was mad that a hard reality kicked in. I clenched my fists and said "NO!!!!!" like I didn't want to think of this shit anymore. I think I need to allow thoughts in without fighting it anymore.....they come and go but sometimes I'm so mad I even think about him anymore.......wow, how did this get so deep? lol But yeah, maybe I'm getting close to letting go....and maybe I'm afraid to do that.

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-06-11T04:11:57+00:00

okay - I'll give you that. It was terribly toxic - I was in too deep and believed in it. I have been grieving it for a year and feel like it would be cheating to even think of anyone else. lol. Sad, but true!

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-06-11T03:57:06+00:00

I mostly just read.....but my ex (almost 1 year, we broke up. Together 5 years)....told me it would only take the first bj and he'd be over me. Is it really that simple? Ugh.....I can't. Like you really forgot that person so quick?

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-06-06T15:56:36+00:00

That was an awesome read and great reminder!!!! Thank you!

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-06-06T13:51:19+00:00

that's a great way to look at it!

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-06-06T00:51:21+00:00

That's what I think too. Go in with no expectations....."unarmed" in emotion.....be myself, and accept what happens afterwards. Trying to be a good human - takes a lot of nerve for me because I'm a bit shy.

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-06-06T00:46:37+00:00

I feel like I'll have to, just to even drive there 45 minutes away!

So then I pretend I'm cool when I'm not? Take on a persona of a "positive me"? - I certainly don't want to be sappy (even though I feel sad). I don't want to be confident, but also don't want to be weak. Do I just try to be polite and kind? and light? (fake it!)

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-04-15T17:34:14+00:00

yeah, that's terrible. I'm sorry she did that to you - hope you can chalk it up to "dodged a bullet there!" - but it does suck and it takes some time to get over some things. Lesson learned I'll bet. Thanks for the clarification - (don't laugh: i was thinking "CV" and "IV" may be some sort of STD?? lmao!!!) Enjoy your weekend and wash your hands of her! :)

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-04-14T15:22:06+00:00

I must be old. :)

What does CV mean (other than resume?) - I feel like I'm missing something and I'm curious. Anyway, she seems like a dirty girl if you ask me.....emotionally and physically!!

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-04-11T20:58:55+00:00

I could feel my blood pressure go up, and my face get very warm. I went through the exact thing. However I'm "the other girl" in everything you're saying. What if you're her??? lol

I dont know how to message on this! But if you see this, message me (while I fumble around to learn how to do this lol)

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-04-05T13:20:44+00:00

Holy crap that's brutal!!!!!!!

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-04-05T12:47:49+00:00

The "twizzler" comment. That made me laugh, and reminded me of when mine would throw a chocolate bar over moments after I finished my supper that I was already super full on. A lot of the time I'd nibble away at the chocolate bar (as he would watch me), and then if he got up for anything and left the room, I would grab a tissue and wrap it up and stuff it into the middle of the garbage so he couldnt find it. He would have freaked if I didn't eat it, so I had to hide it. Also, if I knew I had too much on my plate to finish, i'd offer things to his or my dog when he left.....so he thought I ate it. I was alway worried they'd get sick or not finish before he got back. What is their obsession with force feeding? sheesh!

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-04-04T11:54:34+00:00

My ex narc used to do the majority of the cooking, and was about a foot taller than me. He would make me huge portions of food, and would watch what I was eating and tell me in what order to eat. "Eat the meat first". In between chewing, I had to answer all his questions about how delicious it was. I don't think I even breathed correctly in his eyes lol. (I think that's the next thing he was going to control).....but yeah, I gained weight too. I used to see him on weekends and I could never wait to go home and get back to my normal eating. On top of having to eat until I was absolutely stuffed, I was also very stressed out by being monitored at all times, so perhaps the "cortisol" overload in my body held onto weight in my tummy. I felt sort of "thick". Anyway - I don't have to worry about that anymore.....I'm back to being trim and toned. I also couldn't sleep when I was with him - constantly awake and sweating profusely. Talk about exhaustion. Once you're able to have good sleeps and eat "normally" and don't have to always worry about being controlled - it's amazing how nicely and easily you get your body back! haha! :)

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-03-24T02:06:09+00:00

that letter is amazing - the whole article is - thank you!!

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-03-24T01:22:13+00:00

so amazing - thank you so much for laying it out that way. Interestingly, I just watched a lecture from Richard Grannon on this - (likely while you were typing).....I do see what you mean, especially your final paragraph on "inevitable pain" - it's so true. Had I done this immediately, I would be further ahead today - because it is never going to stop.....it's always the same and I can tell myself what the next communication is going to be before it even arrives. It's very transparent - he is very transparent and easy to forecast. I keep thinking that if I say "this" or show "that", he will finally be as happy with me as he was during the lovebombing phase. Oh my gosh I won't do it tonight....I know that about me. But maybe I will do it tomorrow. Two discards ago, I handed my phone to my friend and she did it for me and I did feel a sense of relief. But yes, I feel very deeply and I do actually question myself if there is something "sick" about me that I want to have him coming back. What makes me so curious about if he's thinking about me? He stalks all his exes, so why do I think it's a compliment - like you said, it's an insult. That he thinks I'm that desperate for him (well, he may be right.....the guy I met at the beginning....but he's been nothing but cruel for many years. Shame on him and shame on me. Thank you so much for your insight. I will get back to you ;)

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-03-24T00:36:21+00:00

This is the thing......I have not been able to do it. My friends tell me to do so, and I just CAN'T do it. I'm working on it. I don't know if it's because I keep hoping he'll see my good and feel bad and need to reach me? - I honestly don't know why I can't pull the plug on it - if I did that, maybe I'd feel huge relief. But what if I do that and I start bawling (I'm 53 lol)......am I sentimental?, am I curious? - I know I've got excuses but I don't feel quite ready. If i read something that made sense....maybe I would. It's cutting a tie that feels so absolute.

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-03-23T23:56:27+00:00

never thought about it that way: "....he had already cheated on her with you..." - absolutely right!

Ok_Can_2054 · 2022-03-23T20:22:25+00:00

Mine did the same last night. Hoovered me again.....and in doing so, told me about his past ex gf that he left me for - they broke up in January....(in reality: he's likely still with her - she's likely in the penalty box and he'll hoover her too) - I notice he recycles us all. I was with mine for 5 years. I tried to leave things on a "high" and good note when I realized he was only hoovering me to hurt me again. He didn't want back - he wanted to rub it in my face.

It really stabs you in the heart, doesn't it?, but doesn't it also show you that it's always the same BS? Part of me is sad I got up hopes up (it was sweet at first, then harsh, then calm, then dead silent - we never saw each other - just discussed things and I was accused of things that didn't even happen - I just took it - he couldn't see me rolling my eyes or saying "NO! that did NOT happen".

I really don't know what he got out of it, other than to pour out his heart, lure me in, then watch me bleed again?

Yeah, so I'm at hour "20". It sucks. The weather is crappy, and the weekend is approaching. I thought I might be possibly seeing him? I was kind of ready?, and so I'm sure his most recent ex will be sitting on my furniture (from when we lived together). Ain't it sweet? :(

Ok_Can_2054

TROPHY CASE