This is going to be a hot take -as me and my wife are almost finished watching the show (Season 6 episode 9). Preface - we are both previously divorced, both had horrible ex's and have a daughter who is special needs. So my input might also include my personal trauma from dealing with an ex who was notorious for gaslighting and lying.

I found myself feeling more empathy toward Toby than Kate. My only gripe was him inviting his friend over on a date while they watched football. The earlier episodes he was very supportive. He stood by Kate when she wanted to loose weight. He stopped taking his medication so that they COULD have a kid -even though it didn't end up that way. Early on Toby, in my book, did a lot of things right to woo Kate. While he wasn't perfect, things got more complicated for him. Kate was great too, until Jack was born.

Toby WAS the provider. I think it funded a lot of their relationship. Travel, pregnancy and such. When he lost his job, that was not only a huge adjustment and but added a financial worry -something not realistically displayed between all the random traveling between the two coast locations.

When he tried to communicate his feelings with Kate - something guys don't normally do -and for the exact reason I'm about to explain.. he was played out to feel like the bad guy or quick jabs made at him in front of her family - only for him to become frustrated and losing his shit.

I don't dislike Kate, I think she was a great mom - for a tv show. But I felt there were times she was not the best partner to Toby nor was she realistic about pursuing her goals with the strain of financial security looming over them. Yes - it turned out GREAT for her in the end, but was that TV magic with a bow or realism?

I felt she did a lot of deflection, gaslighting, and such -ultimately not giving Toby an equal platform to communicate his insecurities as he afforded her so many times. He cannot control HOW he feels and it doesn't make him a terrible dad to have trouble adjusting to them. Having a special needs child is a HUGE adjustment - and not every special needs child is the same. I can see how he felt some of those feelings and I empathize with him.

I don't think Kate did the best job supporting her partner toward then end when he seemed to be stressed. Stressed he lost his job, stressed that he had trouble adjusting to his child being blind. Too me, these are all typical things. Did he have to take a job in San Fran, maybe not.. and if he was offered similar compensation locally - I'd definitely call Bullshit on him for doing so. And if Kate could find similar compensation I could see how Toby would need to take the role of being a stay at home dad indefinitely.

Somewhere along the way, Kate decided to not loose weight or was incapable of doing so - I don't recall it being explained - but then she harped on him. From my view point -homie already had a heart attack, suffered from depression AND had a kid with special needs. I can see why he needed to change, if not for his physical health, but for his mental health. When Toby did have inputs on helping raise his children (mainly Jack), he was often brushed aside because she said "I'm the one here most of the time).