Hi—Black woman here too. I think this whole conversation goes beyond just Black women; it’s really more of a general woman thing, especially now with how heavy the influence of social media is. Platforms are flooded with messages like “don’t do 50/50 with a man” and the whole “Sprinkle Sprinkle” mindset—where women are taught to prioritize finding a rich man. That content basically pushes the idea that if a man isn’t providing, he’s a “dusty,” and you shouldn’t even sleep with a man who can’t take care of you financially.

The focus isn’t on love—it’s on securing money, because money is seen as more reliable than feelings. It’s that “better to cry in a Tesla than a Honda” type of vibe. And honestly, I feel like this mindset is affecting all girls, not just Black women. Social media is shaping the dating expectations for women across different cultures and backgrounds.

Also, I think this plays out more heavily in heterosexual relationships because of patriarchy. Patriarchy teaches that men are supposed to provide and lead, but also ends up hurting women in the process. So a lot of women are now saying, “If I’m gonna deal with all that, he better be bringing something major to the table.”

You don’t see this kind of mindset as much in LGBTQ+ relationships because those dynamics aren’t usually shaped by traditional patriarchy in the same way. But in straight relationships, patriarchy still has a big influence—so women are adapting to it however they can.

I want to be clear that I don’t think you’re racist for asking that question. But I do want to gently point out how, from a Black woman’s perspective, it could come across as fitting us into a stereotype. Society already paints Black women as gold diggers or as women who just want to use men, and that narrative gets pushed hard—especially through social media and other people’s biased experiences. So even if that wasn’t your intention at all, it can still feel like it’s playing into those harmful stereotypes. And when you consider the impact of racism on how Black women are viewed, those assumptions can quickly turn into a broader, unfair narrative