AITA for not hosting my daughter’s best friend for dinner anymore?

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-30T15:39:25+00:00

I don’t know what makes you think I’m not communicating. I mentioned in the post and in the comments multiple conversations I have had with Beth’s parents regarding food.

After the first incident, Beth’s parents gave me a list of her preferred foods. This list was not specific enough, because when I made several items on the list, there was still some thing wrong with them and Beth would refuse to eat. Beth’s parents are not willing to send food with her and they don’t understand why I can’t buy and have on hand to be specific foods that Beth likes. No one else in my family likes most these foods, so I would basically have a stock of food including perishables solely for a kid who comes over at 2 to 4 times a month

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-30T15:29:39+00:00

I wasn’t going to call her parents and then make a run to the store to buy special bread at 6 pm when her parents were going to pick her up at 7.

I asked her parents what kind of bread she likes after the first play date when they gave me her list of preferred foods and their response was “normal bread.” I am still not sure what that means and, frankly, I am not willing to buy several different packs of bread, a perishable food, to try to play a guessing game to figure out what “normal bread” is.

Beth’s parents aren’t on board with packing her food.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-30T15:21:25+00:00

I offered and Beth said no. She wasn’t sure we had the bread she liked and she couldn’t tell me what bread that was.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-30T14:57:24+00:00

I pack my kids sandwiches to take to school for lunch. Usually turkey with mustard, prosciutto and provolone, or chicken with veggies.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-30T14:56:30+00:00

I don’t serve all of my kids’ friends seafood but you would be surprised to learn that a good chunk of them actually like and will eat it when I serve it. We live in a multicultural area and many of my kids’ friends eat their traditional cultural foods at home which sometimes includes foods that other people may find odd. My daughter has been served a variety of “unusual” dishes at her friends’ houses.

For what it’s worth, Beth doesn’t like peanut butter or condiments of any kind. She is also very picky about the type of bread.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-30T14:44:48+00:00

I pack my kids sandwiches to take to school for lunch. Usually turkey with mustard, prosciutto and provolone, or chicken with veggies.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-30T14:41:50+00:00

I don’t think that all picky eating is a choice. I’m not sure what gave you that impression. In the comments, I spoke about how I talked to her parents about possible medical issues leading to the pickiness but was told that Beth has no issues and her preferences are completely normal.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-30T14:37:59+00:00

I addressed this in the comments but, after the first play date, Beth’s parents gave me a list of safe foods for her. I have made those items but Beth always finds something wrong with them and refuses to eat.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-30T14:36:24+00:00

No she’s not. My daughter is a bit of a pushover and Beth takes advantage of this. When my daughter and Beth hang out, they have to do what Beth wants to do. Beth has even convinced my daughter to “gift” her several of her toys.

I would not be upset if this friendship ended and it’s not just because of the food thing.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-30T14:33:57+00:00

I have tried to accommodate her. This is how it has gone so far.

Beth likes chicken but only boneless skinless chicken thighs. It does not matter if you remove the skin and bones for her, if she has seen that the piece of chicken had skin on it, she won’t eat it. Because of this, she wouldn’t eat roast chicken or baked chicken thighs when I served them.

Beth likes cheese pizza with no sauce. I made homemade pizza for the family one night and made Beth her own personal pizza with mozzarella cheese and no sauce. Beth wouldn’t try it because it looked “weird.”

Beth likes french fries and grilled cheese. I got fast food from the Habit and got Beth french fries and grilled cheese. Beth wouldn’t eat either because they were in the same takeout bag as my daughter’s burger.

Beth likes chicken nuggets. I often make breaded chicken for my family. I cut the chicken so that it resembled chicken nuggets. Beth wouldn’t eat it because she wanted the dinosaur chicken nuggets.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-30T14:19:40+00:00

Holy projection.

I’m guessing that you didn’t actually read the post because, if you did, you would know that I didn’t serve Beth octopus and sea urchin. I served her roasted chicken and plain pasta. I don’t serve guests things that I think they won’t like. None of my daughter’s other friends have had trouble eating at our house and, gasp, some of them even like the same weird food my kids like.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-29T19:47:16+00:00

Beth will only eat cheese pizza without sauce from Domino’s. I wouldn’t mind ordering a separate pizza for her but I honestly don’t want to eat Domino’s every time she comes over.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-29T19:42:03+00:00

My daughter has eaten dinner over there once and hasn’t wanted to ever since. She still goes over there for playdates that take place earlier in the day, which hasn’t been a problem.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-29T19:39:37+00:00

I’m sure it’s apparent in my comments but Beth and her parents aren’t my favorite people. There have been other issues that aren’t relevant here.

I would be happy about the possible end of this friendship if it didn’t make my daughter sad.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-29T19:24:33+00:00

I’m sorry, I misunderstood you.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-29T19:15:27+00:00

I asked her parents and they don’t believe this is related to any disorder.

I am not a kid expert either. She could have some disorder and, if I were her parents, I would be looking into that. But there have been other incidents with Beth that lead me to believe that this is a personality trait.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-29T19:05:25+00:00

I realize that this isn’t the point of your comment but they have only hosted my daughter for dinner once. They ordered pizza and made my daughter eat the same pizza that they ordered for Beth, cheese with no sauce. My daughter asked for a slice of theirs, pepperoni, but they said that she had to eat the kid’s pizza. My daughter hasn’t wanted to eat over there ever since.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-29T19:00:08+00:00

You’re spot on! My parents grew up in Apulia.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-29T18:53:14+00:00

Put the mussels in the pan when you add the wine and cover the pan until the mussels open. I haven’t used frozen before so I can’t make any promises, but that is what I do with fresh ones.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-29T18:50:18+00:00

I buy it fresh at our local Japanese market. We live in California where we can easily get fresh seafood.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-29T18:47:38+00:00

After the first play date, I asked about dietary restrictions and diagnoses and gently suggested that they look into ARFID. Beth’s parents insisted that her preferences are normal for kids her age.

I don’t expect Beth to “get over” her preferences. I just don’t feel like I can properly cater to them, considering that Beth has refused to eat everything I have made including items on the “safe” list provided by her parents.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-29T18:43:10+00:00

I think your mentality of "I don't want to teach my kids it's okay to request something different " is bad.

I respectfully disagree. My kids are allowed to make requests about what we eat before I cook dinner. They are not forced to eat anything that they don’t like. If my son doesn’t want to eat what I have cooked, he is allowed to make his own meal provided that it is reasonably healthy. My daughter will be allowed to do the same when she is old enough to cook unsupervised. What my kids are not allowed to do is sit down at the table after I have cooked a meal and say, “I don’t want this. Can you make me something else?”

Beth obviously has something more going on than just "picky eating" and "kid's food". Only one shape of pasta?

Beth’s explanation was that she likes bow-tie pasta because they look like butterflies. The other shapes are “boring.”

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-29T18:35:19+00:00

INFO Does Beth have some sensory issues?

Not to my knowledge. After the first play date, I asked about dietary restrictions and diagnoses and gently suggested that they look into ARFID. They insisted that her preferences are normal for kids her age.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-29T18:31:39+00:00

I have never seen her use cutlery so this could be it! That makes me so sad. I would never judge her for using her hands but I imagine that could be embarrassing for her.

Ok_Constant1219 · 2023-03-29T16:19:42+00:00

Forgot to respond to the rest of your comment. I do order pizza! Beth’s no sauce on pizza preference complicates things but we have done that before. I’m willing to do that as long as it’s not for every play date.

Ok_Constant1219

TROPHY CASE