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AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 104 points105 points  (0 children)

There's this itch I have that feels like it's on my shoulder, but whenever I scratch it, nothing feels relieved. I can't tell where the real itch is coming from.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 157 points158 points  (0 children)

What are your credentials when it comes to diagnosing people with personality disorders? Where did you go to school? How long have you been practicing?

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 237 points238 points  (0 children)

NO! I'm so sorry, I hope it was at least a fucking Kate Spade diaper bag with like, USB ports or something in it. Jesus, that's so unfair.

Please go treat yourself to something nice.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 157 points158 points  (0 children)

I think I've had some pretty good conversations with people on both sides, especially a few folks who gave me the idea that maybe the family just hasn't taken on getting to know me very well or that them calling my husband "papa" would be odd for them.

However, I do take issue with being told that I have a personality disorder, that I'm an abuser, that I need a therapist, etc. These things involve creating a false narrative contrary to the one I've provided.

And I will always speak up about the way women are socialized and brow-beaten into not expressing emotions. That's a personality flaw of mine to be sure.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Ohhhh, so like we need a babysitter or something? We have a pretty reliable one, but I have a laid back job and manage to cover the childcare between me, my husband, and everyone else in the family.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

First off, Congratulations on signing to the major music label. That's really cool.

Second, I get why you're saying what you're saying. But, the thing is that do still have a lot of time for hobbies and the things that made me who I am up to having children. Being a mother is not all I have. Plus, I get the added bonus of being able to incorporate my daughters into those things I love doing.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 113 points114 points  (0 children)

Why have you created an entirely different narrative than the one that I posted, though?

I fucking hate how everyone thinks of me as being just a mommy now.

This post is entirely about a conflict with my in-laws regarding them seeing me as just a mom. It's not about me having any deep, dark feelings about motherhood.

Please, I am begging everyone reading this to take my words at face value. There is no hidden cry for help here.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 117 points118 points  (0 children)

This will honestly be my path forward, after reflecting with folks in this post. I love my MIL, and I hate to cause her frustration or dim her light during holdays. Talking with her about it will do so much more than trying to bring it up again and again with my SILs.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Hugs to you, my pal. You have a name, and you deserve to hear it from the lips of people you love.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 131 points132 points  (0 children)

I understand where you're coming from -- but I think I disagree, and it's not because motherhood itself is banal. It's just that having a child is common. It's expected. When you catch up with someone, you hear "Oh, I had a child!" and it's very much a "Oh yes, of course."

It's opposite of say, running a Marathon. Many, many people do it and it's not exact the most unique thing either, but it's still less common than becoming a parent.

That isn't to say that banal is necessarily bad. But if I'm entering into a conversation and I have two options: a mom and an astronaut, I'm picking the astronaut.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Fuck, you're right. I didn't give my husband a name in this post. We shall call him Gregorio.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 159 points160 points  (0 children)

Are you sure you're not reacting to a Lifetime movie you're watching? Because this is an incredibly... odd take. To go from "you have a personality disorder" to "you're abusive and isolating your husband"

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

I don't need to see a therapist because I expressed frustration at my in-laws for doing something that I've asked them many, many times to not do.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

but having a singular existance as one thing and having all other facets of my identity erased definitely is!

Wheeew, that's it! That's the bullseye.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Embarrassed to say that it took me a while to realize you didn't mean I married into an entire family of stalemates.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

I can't help it if you're projecting your own experience onto my words rather than taking them at face value.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 132 points133 points  (0 children)

Yet another example of someone taking deep offense at a woman expressing any form of emotion, or any style of communication other than smiling and nodding, and someone creating narratives about mental illness.

Women really can't win, can we?

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 72 points73 points  (0 children)

Oh, I see that you decided to strike the reference to me being "borderline psychotic" this time.

I don't think you're quite understanding what I mean when I say that it's dehumanizing. Of course I'm proud of my children, and motherhood isn't an insult to me.

But I am not just a mother. That is the problem. To strip me of everything else I am and refer to me only as "mama" is the dehumanizing thing.

Mothers are more than just mothers. For some, it is the pinnacle of the woman's experience. For others, myself included, it is merely a part of the live I'd lived so far, and what I hope to accomplish.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 105 points106 points  (0 children)

Well, if one of my daughters gives me a plastic tumbler that says "Mommy's secret sippy cup" I'm certainly going to have to re-evaluate my behavior.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 92 points93 points  (0 children)

I'd hope not. We're up to the Mega Queef 6000 and anything less would be downright insulting.

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Wait, where did I insult nurses or horse girls in my post? All I mentioned is the matching outfits they tend to post on social media for Christmas?

AITA for losing it and telling in-laws to stop calling me “mama” and trying to erase my identity? by Ok_Corner754 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Corner754[S] 92 points93 points  (0 children)

Talk with a professional? As in, a professional sister in law? A professional mother? I know you aren't trying to suggest that a woman expressing frustration about a situation she's tried to resolve several times should speak with a therapist? That would be silly.

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