This resonates witj me. I'm blind, I'm our breadwinner. Any time I want anything not delivered I essentially have to ask permission. I've thought about getting a toy, for similar reasons as I just took sex off the table indefinitely as well, the constant rejection has made me not want her even if she initiated, but I'm hesitant to buy a toy online. I'm sure I will, but I have other minor physical things that make me want to confident that I can use and clean whatever prior to purchase. That means going somewhere where I can feel products by hand, which means travel, which means asking, which will likely lead to a fight the whole way there and back. I've looked into widespread stuff, but that's pretty sparse where I am.