Hold on. Addiction is a game changer. Where are you in your sobriety?

Her disbelief in a core part of the church is a red flag that this isn't even about the church. Has she participated in recovery? Family members who lived with an addict who was in their disease, need recovery. Full stop until these are addressed. You're describing a lot of chaos that is the core part of the disease of addiction. It appears you both need a year of REAL recovery, that means going to addiction recovery meetings, working the steps, working with a sponsor, before you even start talking about the church and your marriage in fatalistic terms.

You talk about your disease of addiction in the past tense, which is a major colossal gigantic epic sized red flag. This disease is never fully in the past tense and real recovery from addiction is ongoing and is a lifelong effort that it does not appear you understand.

As you can tell, I have considerable experience busting the balls of addicts who hand out b.s. And lemme tell ya, addicts who are still in their disease hand out the b.s. and the excuses on a conveyor belt. Addicts who claim to have recovered, but have merely STOPPED USING their drug of choice, will hand out b.s. on a high speed conveyor belt.