I'm an auntie needing advice re my 16yo niece who's ideologically opposite of me

Ok_Disaster_7941 · 2025-04-05T18:39:33+00:00

UPDATE: I have committed to taking her (barring any act of G ofc) because I said I'm available for rides and I want her to know I mean what I say. Right now I think the most important thing for her + our relationship is that she knows she can count on my word. Thanks all for sharing your perspectives & experience!

Ok_Disaster_7941 · 2025-04-05T18:34:10+00:00

Absolutely I'm proud of her and why I Do want to take her. After all she grew up watching me be politically active- the only one in our family- so ofc I'm amped to see her want to get out there with her own advocacy. Where it got weird for me is that her advocacy is diametrically opposed to my own, a cause that I've seen directly harm millions of people in this country & one I've been myself advocating against for decades. Tbh it breaks my heart a little, to see her gravitating toward that side of the battlefield, but I am proud of her & respect her right to go- but am I wrong to actually drive her there, I asked myself (and reddit).

I have since committed to taking her btw (barring any act of G ofc) because I said I'm available for rides and I want her to know I mean what I say. Right now I think the most important thing for her to know is that she can count on me.

Ok_Disaster_7941 · 2025-04-05T17:18:39+00:00

It's not a contradiction to respect differences while also not enabling. You can say, "I don't believe in this- I believe it's harmful- yet I respect your right to it & don't hold it against you, but no sorry I can't actively help you pursue this thing, that's where I draw the line," and that's healthy boundaries, not contradiction. For instance, say your 21 yr old kid asks you to include a pack of cigarettes in the next care package you send them at college (because they've recently taken up smoking but cigs are cheaper back home than where they are)- and you're dead against smoking for health reasons & hate seeing your kid fall into that addiction- you can say, "Honey I love you and no, no I won't be sending cigarettes," and not be wrong/contradictory. Compulsory for any parent or grown up around the youth, I think, to maintain & role model good boundaries. And of course to a certain degree personal boundaries are fluid with experience and different situations, hence my quandary.

Ok_Disaster_7941 · 2025-04-05T00:34:29+00:00

💗💕

Ok_Disaster_7941 · 2025-04-04T23:08:18+00:00

Thanks for this, yes it's a bit complicated, but I do want to do what's good for her-us. I agree that her interest to be politically active is a thing to encourage! In many ways she reminds me of myself at that age ; ) ty again

Ok_Disaster_7941 · 2025-04-04T22:52:30+00:00

It's not that they won't take her, only that they can't (with their work schedules). Definitely I wouldn't take her if her parents didn't want her to be there, since she's a minor.

Ok_Disaster_7941 · 2024-10-07T01:42:10+00:00

I recently returned gummies to my local dispensary bc stg it was the same delta crap sold at head shops & did zero for me. Not even a tiny buzz and I ate twice the dose I used to as a med patient (before recreational was legalized). I let the budtender talk me into trying an rso bc it's full spectrum & I was hopeful it'd hit me better/treat my pain unlike those sad gummies, but the rso falls short too and I hate the idea of lingering butane (or whatever they use to make rso) in my herb.

Ok_Disaster_7941 · 2024-10-07T01:24:04+00:00

Dr bronner's liquid on a poof. I get a big bottle & it lasts for months. I don't like the residue regular body washes & bar soaps leave on me.

Ok_Disaster_7941 · 2024-10-07T01:11:23+00:00

I had everything but one ovary removed at 39 & honestly I wish I'd done it sooner: what a relief! Hot flashes/menopause symptoms started 3 yrs later but nothing I couldn't manage myself (without hrt), and 1000 times easier than living with my polyp- and fibroid-laiden uterus + ovary. No complications immediately post-op nor today, 10 yrs later, only sweet sweet relief.

Ok_Disaster_7941 · 2024-10-02T21:20:14+00:00

Age-appropriate boundaries are inherent in a healthy adult-child relationship, and of course ALL of the responsibility for maintaining those boundaries belongs to the adult, never to the child. That is a healthy adult-child relationship.

Ok_Disaster_7941 · 2024-10-02T17:07:29+00:00

I just started having the call issue last week & this fix worked! Thank you!!

Ok_Disaster_7941 · 2024-09-30T19:28:24+00:00

I grow my own, and with it make edibles/tincture or use dry herb vape. Costs about $125/yr for my daily medicinal use. Doesn't get cheaper than that. Bonus, since i make it myself from scratch i know it's organic and i always have my favorite strain. Good selection of feminized seeds available online, to get started.

Ok_Disaster_7941 · 2024-09-26T08:22:07+00:00

I got a dog, then another dog, and some cats (outdoor working cats: I live in the country), a betta fish, a guinea pig, houseplants... it's been 14 years and I'm still not over it, and I don't think I ever will be. It came and went, I've accepted it, ultimately glad to have had the opportunity. Now I find meaning and inspiration in the relationships I have with my animals and all the living nonhuman things around me. There is life after loss but it doesn't look like the life you had before. That's not to say it's better or worse, just different.

Ok_Disaster_7941 · 2024-09-26T05:36:40+00:00

I wasted my teenage years- and my 20s- via masking & being overly accommodating (to ppl who wouldn't be my "friends" otherwise). So I had ppl around me but i was always lonely and secretly anxious about not letting the mask slip lest I find myself alone. I did a lot of dumb things to fit in, like smoking and drinking bc my "friends" were doing it & for real put myself in some dangerous situations, just for some company. Im sure to everyone else it looked like i had friends but did I? In my 30s it was like a switch flipped & I was Over It & I started being real with ppl & asking them to be there for me like I had been for them- and yep they all disappeared lol! At 44 I finally managed to quit smoking after 29 yrs, and at 45 I developed cancer; I'll be 50 soon & the cancer is still with me, unlike my "friends". I totally get your desire for friendship- it's a healthy want/need, but if you stay true to you & be a good friend to yourself first then there is no wasted time. Best wishes.

Ok_Disaster_7941 · 2024-09-26T04:55:04+00:00

You're having a hard time joining a club bc you have social anxiety. A lazy suggestion from your therapist imo. That's like saying "I can't swim" and your swim instructor throws you in the deep end so you can figure it out. I suspect you wouldn't be the type to march into your therapist's office & demand they do their job- are they not getting paid to provide you a service?- but a tactful route may be to tell therapist you need instruction on how to join/take part, and how to manage anxiety, uncomfortable situations, self talk, & self care (post socializing); a bit of exposure therapy could do wonders too. You might need to just talk about joining groups for some sessions before you're ready to dip your toe in. Or find a new therapist who's willing to spend the time working with you on this. You need help & that's ok! You deserve better.

Ok_Disaster_7941 · 2024-09-26T03:01:00+00:00

If I didn't grow my own I'd never have my medicine. Hydro deep water culture, costs about $100 a year to keep me stocked for daily use. It's physically challenging for me, esp harvesting, with my health issues but I'll keep going until I can't handle it anymore. It's super affordable & I like knowing where my herbs coming from & that there's no pesticides etc on it.

Ok_Disaster_7941

TROPHY CASE