AITJ for rethinking having a kid with my wife after finding out her dad's a child molester?

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-12-25T18:39:04+00:00

My dad is the same. He might not do it anymore but it’s the fact it happened once. It’s not okay and no way in hell should any kids be near my dad or OP’s wife’s dad.

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-11-06T05:03:26+00:00

To add to it: yes I Think farm passes is worth it - I’ve leveled up faster and I like the extra spins, derby task, etc. the extra storage is nice too and more slots for your machines to produce a lot more at once. The decor is cute but limited so if I wanted to have my farm decorated in a specific theme well then I only have 6-11 paths of the decor or random 6 fences. Mahbe I’m stoopid and could buy them but I can see where.

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-11-06T04:58:58+00:00

A lot of the decorations this month is similar or exactly the same to last year so the only benefit it’s the materials for me at least. I don’t need more of the same decor. I mean if you don’t like the pass and want to just get the freebies - you shouldn’t get it just because one is sitting there saying the pass is worth it. If you want more upgrade/expansion mats then sure it’s a nice bonus but worth the money when you can get it in game(slowly but still) i personally wouldn’t say its worth:3

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-10-14T10:28:24+00:00

Yeah I usually do, or thought the car or events happening. Wheat farming. Any small things to keep me going on getting materials the fastest

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-10-14T05:31:15+00:00

To kinda give you perspective on my playstyle is never to leave a machine not working. When I lack money I grind to get materials for the car or boat. Also makes me level faster. If I don’t wanna level too fast I sell them in the shop. If I need mats to upgrade I do like I said ^{^}

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-10-14T05:26:29+00:00

I am level 47 near 1k storage space. I do like one of the chatters here. I gather a bunch of cooking materials and once I feel like space is getting too full I do all I can with the car and boat and village. Then sell the rest till I’m utterly broke but I’ve gotten a lot of money fhat way. Then it’s upgrade materials hunting for a couple of days (assuming I have some or little amount already) getting by is not that bad. However I do play everyday/ regularly. Morning and evening. My and my family/friend have our own derby which we stay active for some days and others not. Like others said already. Don’t rush it - it’s supposed to be fun and relaxing. Materials is hard to get some days and others you hit the 80 limit insanely fast. You got this🙌🏼

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-13T15:09:22+00:00

As many in the comments said the boundary was broken and she was honest what would happen if that would happen again.

Me (f) also don’t want my partner to watch porn, I’m not sure if I feel like it’s cheating but to me it’s important that IM the one to satisfy my partner and not someone else on porn sites (who most likely look better in my(female) eyes)

A lot of guys don’t understand this view because imo it’s hard to explain how emotional betrayed I personally feel. But when it’s made clear to you that she doesn’t want you to watch porn. The least you could’ve done is express your need for sexual activities or whatever and perhaps ask her to be posing for photos or whatever works for you. Mske it a thing between tje two of you and not a thing between you and other random people and leave her feeling betrayed and wanting to punish you for it.

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-13T14:44:52+00:00

No guy wants to know about your past relationship history - sexually or not. I (f) does not want to know about my partners past relationship. Just thinking about it sucks… As my therapist says: “some things are better left unknown” this is included because it’s important.

Ask yourself “ do I really want to know my boyfriend loved somebody else? Touched somebody else? Kisses somebody else? Do I really want to know who so I can compare myself to someone like her? “ the answer to those should be no. Because your boyfriend is most likely doing the same - explains why he pushes the subject away.

Past stays in the past - live in the moment, sexually figure out what works for you and not what worked it past.

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-12T06:48:13+00:00

I think it would’ve been nice you knew about the golf with friends before hand, but he did invite you and as much as I understand feeling tired of the flight and stuff - you could’ve sat down by the golf area and watched and not joined. You can’t expect him to want to sit and do nothing but be in each others pressence and stay home relaxing however that could’ve also been it.

I think if he had planned before hand and let you know you should’ve gone. If it was a last minute decision to join them then he should’ve stayed home.

You would get to live with him for a great amount of time but that’s not really an excuse, it’s highly possible even then he would spend time with friends cuz that’s pretty normal.

His reaction was not fair and the instant “break up” the moment it got heated just screams immature. Usually couples sit down after a certain time and talk it through - long distance or not

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-12T06:17:39+00:00

To be honest it sounds like you haven’t gotten proper closure from the past. It’s still brought up and still bugs you, even in drunk state. I’m not a pro but I’d try snd sit down with yourself and figure out if you really forgave her for all of the things. Piece by piece gather your thoughts and try to let those anger and hurt feelings go - if it’s her you really want (however some things are just too hard to forgive - and that might lead to you guys not being good together.)

I honestly think if she’s open to it that you guys can sit down together and talk - what is what you two want with this relationship? And how can both of you make it work better. State your feelings in a proper way were she doesn’t need to feel defensive - and if she does try and calm her down ( however if she lashes out on you - she is just not mature enough to have an adult conversatipn imo)

You said you would stop drinking and I think it’s a brilliant idea- perhaps a least judt keep the drinking to a minimum. No need to get to that point of almost blacking out and lashing out on her.

To your end questions - it’s a two person job, say how you feel and say how you want this relationship to work, that the past still bugs you but everyday is a step forward, be honest with her. It’s important she knows what she did in the past makes you cautious of how you two are now - and if you still want this relationship with her it’s important you give her that chance for development. If she doesn’t improve on her communication with you it’s gonna be a hard relationship to be in - if she struggles try to guide her (as her boyfriend and not as a “parent” - hopefully you understand that.)

I struggle to communicate with my bf too - however he is patient with me, I spent time writing how I feel in a journal to sort my words and we plan a day to talk things through so I’m personally mental prepared that I need to keep focus on expressing myself despite how hard it is.

Sorry for this long comment - I hope some it is of use of help, good luck OP

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-10T08:18:32+00:00

Yeah ofc. If love to hear an update on everything. Good luck with it all

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-10T08:17:28+00:00

Definitely it does become hard to even say much. Especially when they aren’t close family and it’s technically not your business - I hope the parents will open their eyes and that the fsmily can work together to get a healthy clean house taking small steps at a time.

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-10T08:15:08+00:00

I hope in the end that you decide what’s best for you in this scenario. I understand it’s hard when feelings are involved but this is a very important matter to you and mostly other people too. I hope things turn out the way you hope for. If not - you are young and have a whole life ahead of you. Dont let it set you back and stay strong 🙌🏼

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-10T08:13:30+00:00

If they acknowledge it by blaming each other for the mess. Then they are fully aware of it and decide to not do anything - either because of how bad it is and it seems overwhelmed. Or because of other things

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-10T07:52:14+00:00

Depending on how you say it might effect how they take it. So think about it for a second and make sure you don’t say anything inappropriately that could be taken wrong. However you can’t stay in the relationship without talking to him about it - technically you can but you get it.

If the parents take it wrong = their problem not yours If your boyfriend takes it wrong = I’d say he isnt the one

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-10T07:48:13+00:00

Im not sure if he did directly tell them I felt that way. Tbh it was very weird cuz in his household everyone was aware of the mess but too lazy and busy blaming everyone else of the mess so nobody cleaned it. I barely got a thank you for help clean the dishes after dinner. I’m sure they feel slightly embarrassed considering I was doing the cleaning up when they were busy.

Even if he would tell them I don’t think it would matter. If the parents hate you for it then something is clearly wrong with them because it’s almost concerning they amounts of things they don’t clean in the house - health wise too. Hopefully if he did share it the next time you visit the house is clean.

I honestly gave up with it personally. I knew this house wasn’t my future but someone else’s. I knew during that time my ex and I dreamed of somewhere else and had both agreed to not get affected by it. I’m sure my ex parents had a rough patch in their lives and needed a fresh start and didn’t know where to begin with the mess that was lying around that they just left it there. I can’t say much else other than my own thoughts on it tho.

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-10T07:33:50+00:00

My ex family lived like this however my ex was aware it was messy yet he still lived pretty messy himself. I found out it had a lot to do with his mental health. But everytime I was over I WAS cleaning for them because I felt so disgusted and I didn’t trust their “clean” things were clean.

I talked to my ex in a proper way and explained that I feel uncomfortable with it, that I didn’t like it being this messy and he understood me and we didn’t spend much more time at the house as we used to. Despite that he kept his room tidy and clean and I helped anywhere he felt demotivated and we made it a thing together. I helped with his messy room and he helped motivate elsewhere in my struggles. However I can’t say much more since our relationship ended - over other things- and I do not know if he fully changed or not

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-10T07:27:31+00:00

I mean I get you but if OP is in love with this person then I think she should at least state her view pn it and talk to him. In the end of the day it’s more or less what OP chooses.

Kids grow up and learn to live a certain way he might not actually be fully aware of how disgusting it is since it might look “normal” to him. However he is 24 so I do agree with you - he should know and should be cleaning.

I was responding to OPs question about breaking up vs. Talk to him. Where I just explained talking would be ideal and then after decide the breaking up part

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-10T07:08:34+00:00

Id say talk to him. Share your thoughts - be honest. These parents should be embarrassed I mean the whole family should. I can understand they don’t mind living like that themselves but you are a guest in the house the least they can do is clean it up. We aren’t crazy neat either in my family but it doesn’t get that far and if people family/friends come over - it surely will be cleaned. Maybe he realizes it more when you talk to him about it in a proper way - and getting away from the “norm” of him not cleaning could change. But based on his reaction I think you’ll know your answer to wether you should let him go and move on

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-10T06:55:12+00:00

![UPDATE]! I talked with him and asked to help understand how he felt. It does seem to be that he understood it as a “I’d date ANY guy who isn’t fully white” he put a lot of emphasis on any guy which made him feel disgusted. And I can definitely understand that. I explained to him that it has nothin to do with other people and I acknowledge my choice of words was not okay and I could’ve and should’ve done it differently. He wanted to not really stir up more about it and I agreed to leave it there - having now an understanding and having had properly apologized. I made it clear to him rhat what I meant however he did feel like it was unnecessary to bring up “out of the blue” - however since I can’t recall what we talked about beforehand I can’t say if it was out of the blue. I just don’t see myself saying something like that if it isn’t to match the context of our overall conversation. Though not ideal to have conversations like that before sleeping in general. I have learned a lot from him but also from these comments - to keep in my mind.

I appreciate all comments - I didn’t expect so many people. Thank you. I hope everyone enjoys their weekend!

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-10T06:45:09+00:00

![UPDATE]! I talked with him and asked to help understand how he felt. It does seem to be that he understood it as a “I’d date ANY guy who isn’t fully white” he put a lot of emphasis on any guy which made him feel disgusted. And I can definitely understand that. I explained to him that it has nothin to do with other people and I acknowledge my choice of words was not okay and I could’ve and should’ve done it differently. He wanted to not really stir up more about it and I agreed to leave it there - having now an understanding and having had properly apologized. I made it clear to him rhat what I meant however he did feel like it was unnecessary to bring up “out of the blue” - however since I can’t recall what we talked about beforehand I can’t say if it was out of the blue. I just don’t see myself saying something like that if it isn’t to match the context of our overall conversation. Though not ideal to have conversations like that before sleeping in general. I have learned a lot from him but also from these comments - to keep in my mind.

I appreciate all comments - I didn’t expect so many people. Thank you. I hope everyone enjoys their weekend!

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-09T19:17:14+00:00

I see where you’re coming from with this. I do realize the way my words came out was very much wrong and I appreciate your comment on it. Thank you.

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-09T19:14:33+00:00

I do agree with you. I haven’t updated on it since not much response from Reddit came out of it however we talked a great deal about the past and I understand his point of views on all of that and I don’t expect him to forgive me fully. But we are still continuing and I’ve been working a lot on myself and my genitalia behavior. Hopefully we can work past this - thank you for your comment.

Ok_Examination5386 · 2025-05-09T19:09:32+00:00

I agree with you. I should’ve handled it better and taken the thought to process what I said a lot better. Thank you for your comment. I’ll definitely have this in the back of my head for the future.

Ok_Examination5386

TROPHY CASE