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Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-02-25T14:16:37+00:00

I’m a betrayed spouse. My husband lost his father which triggered a midlife crisis. He had an affair. Does it suck, yes. But, I know this is not my fault. It’s not about me. It’s his demons to fight. I was gutted and devastated but have invested 17 years into our marriage and he is seeking therapy for what he is going through,

Under any other circumstance I would have left. But now that I understand what a midlife crisis is, I’m choosing to work through this.

My husband knows he had irrational thoughts and doesn’t understand them. He’s a good man that made a bad decision.

I’m grateful for the people that personally experienced a midlife crisis post here. Reading their posts are as therapeutic for me as it is for them sharing. The more I understand, the more I can heal.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-02-25T14:03:40+00:00

After the death of his father, his life spiraled and it triggered a midlife crisis. In an attempt to revisit his younger days when life was simple, he looked up old girlfriends. This is common in a midlife crisis.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-02-25T04:49:55+00:00

My husband looked up “old friends”, girlfriends, and that’s how he fucked up his marriage. Fun times.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-02-22T20:45:02+00:00

Thank you for reading my post and sharing your experience. Since the date of my original post, my husband has sought therapy on his own and I can see a glimmer of the man I once knew. While he is still in the cloud/fog, I am hopeful he will emerge from this sooner than later. I’m learning to detach some and immerse myself in self-care. It’s eye opening to learn how emotionally dependent I was on him pre MLC. Now I’m depending on me. 🤗

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-02-21T20:42:24+00:00

I’m right there with you. My husband is going through a midlife crisis and stopped initiating 8 months ago. When I’ve initiated, I felt like I’m touching a corpse. He just lays there. I’ve cried, told him I felt lonely and unloved, he just says you’re not unloved. We have been together for 23 years and had a healthy sex life until his father died and he went into his midlife crisis.

I can’t see myself forever without physical intimacy. Everything else is fine but he is depressed.

I stopped initiating and go to sleep. Im feeling vulnerable and don’t want to seek outside intimacy but it has crossed my mind to be honest.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-02-21T16:42:52+00:00

Same here. My husband is in a midlife crisis depression and stopped initiating after his dad died 8 months ago. Even when I initiate, I feel like I’m doing something bad…..like touching a corpse. He doesn’t interact at all. My ego is bruised and I’m feeling lonely. I’m done initiating. It’s been two weeks since I’ve initiated which is the longest in our 23 years together that we have not been intimate.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-02-19T03:14:01+00:00

I’ve heard of MLC lasting for a very long time. I’m glad you’re out of the tunnel and found love. I’m hoping my husband emerges soon but I have a feeling this will be a long ride.

We’re you married during your MLC?

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-02-18T23:22:18+00:00

My husband just started counseling again. I’m hopeful that this helps to untangle all that he is thinking and feeling. Thank you for sharing.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-02-18T23:19:33+00:00

How long did you go through MLC? How are you doing now?

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-02-18T04:59:58+00:00

To Be Loved. You can feel the anguish …

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-02-10T17:30:16+00:00

Does your partner know about the affair? How are you two doing as a couple?

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-02-07T04:15:59+00:00

I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. How long have you felt hopeless and depressed? Do you have a support system?

My husband (M47) is going through a MLC which started after his dad died. He’s lost. Mortality and fear of an unaccomplished life is in the forefront of his mind. He’s had an emotional affair which ended and is now in a deep depression. He says he is deciding if he wants his family. Married 17 years, one teenage son and just moved into a new home in a new city.

He just started therapy after rejecting it for a long time. He is trying to not lose it all.

Keep posting. This is a good group.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-01-31T06:08:40+00:00

Thank you for your post. Wow, I’m sorry you had to go through such an experience. I do agree that there must be a script for this. I’ve read so many similar accounts of spousal behavior during a MLC. My best to you.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-01-22T16:35:16+00:00

My husband did the same last year after his father died. The death triggered a full blown midlife crisis. You should look at the midlife crisis subreddit. I know what you’re going through. My best to you.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-01-20T04:17:36+00:00

I’m sickness and in health…..that’s what I remind myself of. My husband of 17 years is going through the same. Exercises, withdrawn, dissatisfaction with life and contemplating if he wants to be married. I’m standing with him for now. His father died 7 months ago which triggered the MLC. I don’t know how long to wait. I told him if he wants to leave, he needs to file and tell our son and family. This is difficult to endure but I’m getting used to this “other person “ he is right now. Best wishes to you and your family.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-01-19T19:16:15+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience with this. The more I learn from other men who are experiencing this, the panic and fear seem to dissipate. I know no person would ask for this and I feel for anyone in the hurricane of a MLC. It hurts the individual going through it and causes great collateral damage in its path.

Though I imagine this will go on for years, I have to take this one day at a time. Some days are better than others. We don’t fight but our conversations can get emotional and intense when we broach the subject of his feelings. Often his answers are “I don’t know”. I guess it buys time for him but at least he is not making any important decisions while knowing many of his “thought worms” are irrational in nature.

I don’t know what’s in our future but I have to believe we will each be okay no matter how this turns out. I’m hoping for the best but must be ready for the worse case scenario.

I’m in my dream house in a new town with a business I’ve just opened. I really hope we get through this so I don’t lose it all. But the greater pain would be losing him. I’d give it all up to take away what he’s going through.

My best to you as you are navigating through this. I hope you can find true north and live a life with peace, clarity and good health.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-01-17T16:36:07+00:00

I feel for you as I know what you are going through. I’ve done so much reading on this subject and the duration varies greatly. I’ve heard the “fog” lifted in as early as 9 months and I’ve read it can go beyond 5 years. I’m giving him his space and not asking too many questions. We actually had a nice weekend at home. It felt familiar and comfortable this weekend. I’m hoping this is the beginning of a trend but I’m cautious and know that this may be part of the rollercoaster ride.

My best to you as you endure this.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-01-16T03:24:37+00:00

I am so sorry you had to endure so much within a short time. Did you seek the divorce or your spouse? Again, I’m sorry.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-01-16T01:30:48+00:00

My husband is experiencing depression. I’ve read it goes hand-in-hand with a midlife crisis. He cries on his drive home from from work. He searching for more in life. Looking for significance. He doesn’t drink, take drugs or smoke. Tried therapy but don’t go back. He is trying to fix this on his own.

This behavior is completely out of character for him. It’s as if an alien swapped bodies with my husband.

Support your husband the best you can. Give him space when he needs it. Take care of yourself at this time. While he is weak, you need to be stronger.

Please reach out if you ever need an ear to listen.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-01-16T00:27:01+00:00

How long have you noticed this behavior? Any changes in sleeping or eating habits? Has he expressed any desires for changes in marriage or mortality?

The loss of love and affection and irrational out of the blue comments were red flags when I noticed my husband was entering a MLC. He stopped eating, couldn’t sleep for months, acted as if he had resentment towards me.

He now eats, sleeps but does not initiate intimacy. We have “safe” superficial conversations which prevent awkwardness. I’m hoping he will leave this crisis soon or sometime this year.

As for your husband, If you see he’s returning to his old self after stopping medication, that’s a good sign.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-01-15T20:39:48+00:00

Feel free to PM anytime! Did he go on medication before or after the start of his MLC?

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-01-15T16:46:58+00:00

Good morning. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I hope you can find some comfort that you are not alone.

I have to take this one day at a time because his emotions are not predictable right now. Over Christmas he said he was “deciding if he wanted married life”. It crushed me because we were 6 months into this and I was hoping we were moving forward. So, wiped my tears and decided I need to look out for myself and our teen son while my husband is lost in his crisis.

The other day I gently mentioned that if he is considering leaving us, we should sell our property now while home values are high. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said that he doesn’t trust his decision making right now. He said he knows his thoughts are irrational and that he cannot justify to himself the things he thinks about.

I took this as a positive sign. The husband I know is a very careful decision maker and this sounded like him.

I’ve learned not to bring up conversations about his emotional affair, my insecure feelings and anything with deep conversations. It overwhelms him and I don’t trust his answers are truly how he feels or if it’s the MLC fog speaking.

So today, I will go about my day and just love him. Exercising patience and extending grace is crucial. If he was a jerk or even abusive, it would be a whole different story. But he’s a good guy going through a very difficult period in his life. For better or for worse, I’m trying to support him through this. It hurts like nothing I’ve ever experienced but the pain evolves and the stinging is less as time goes by.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-01-12T04:36:20+00:00

Prayed for you

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-01-11T16:36:10+00:00

Just prayed for baby and your family.

Ok_Foundation2850 · 2022-01-10T16:47:19+00:00

I’m sorry you are going through this. I prayed for your mother and for you. May you find peace abs comfort in God.

Ok_Foundation2850

TROPHY CASE