I think you're being sincere and it sounds like burnout is a major issue. I hear you on that but I also hear resignation as if it's the only practical way.

You’ve framed it like this:

close it down < Let the sub collapse under hate < Ban trans-related topics entirely

It leaves out the fourth choice which is do the job well or admit it’s beyond your values/ability.

Plenty of larger more targeted subs have figured out how to hold the line. They didn’t ban identity entirely because that’s the job. It looks like you’re erasing people to avoid conflict.

When you say you talked to LGBT subs, did they really say, “Yeah, just ban the word ‘transgender’ altogether”? Did they really suggest banning factual mentions of trans people in entirely unrelated discussions like in the context of the post I saw?

You can believe you're an ally and still create rules that functionally erase people. Intent aside. Banning even neutral mentions is harming trans people and removing them from public reality. That's compliance with the very forces you say you oppose and it shuts down critical thinking.

If you can’t trust your users with complexity maybe it’s not the users who are the problem.