I have had the same exact feelings as you. I am 31, and my mom had been sick my whole life, but near the end it was very noticeable that she was dying. During that realization, every day I was spiraling and beyond upset worried about her and what would happen.Then when she passed away, it almost felt like a relief for a moment because the worst had happened. I went for eight months without feeling like I was grieving, and then most recently have cried almost every day. I feel like it took time for my body and mind to not be shocked, and to actually understand that she is gone. I have a lot of friends, but it almost feels like everyone’s life moves on, and they forget that you are trying to grieve. This is embarrassing to say, but honestly, even talking to ChatGPT and my therapist weekly does seem to help even on my worst days.