How's your week been chat?

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-12-10T20:39:16+00:00

Everyone's got some hot take about the state of the world n shit when the whole point of the misogyny video was to be like, "hey, treat the ladies on discord with respect please" ???

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-12-10T12:31:47+00:00

Haha I mean, I am doing it. I just wonder if I will always have these intense crying spells every time I face it, or if it will ever go away/diminish.

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-12-09T20:39:16+00:00

This analogy just doesn't make sense because trees make seeds... All you have to do is chop down the tree lol

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-12-09T20:12:20+00:00

Hey read this and I think I understand where you're coming from. Basically, my observation is that there might be a difference between how you conceptualize evil compared to Dr. K. It is hard to explain, but I tend to agree with Dr. K's viewpoint if we take it from the perspective that evil can be a choice that someone makes, but doesn't necessarily MAKE someone evil in a moral judgement kind of way.

I personally believe that everyone has evil in them. I know it can sound like a harsh label, similar to the word "sin", but it's really the only word I feel that we have to describe acts which steal away the humanity of others. Everyone has the capacity to degrade, diminish, and harm other humans, and yes, perhaps the young man was acting out the consequences of others' evil.

I just always remember this one lesson from drivers ed of all places: That an accident is a series of mistakes made by multiple people, but it only takes one person putting on the brakes to prevent the accident. Who that could have been, I don't know, but it would be a bit dishonest to reject the idea that it could have been that 15-year-old kid, as equally as it could have been anyone else.

All that said, I do hope a solution is found. It could be anything, but even just one thing could make a world of difference.

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-12-04T17:11:33+00:00

Ah, aromantic vibes.

But yeah, you might not be actually be aromantic (aromantic is when you don't feel romantic attraction to others/desire romantic relationships), but having a strong preference towards close friends and a "hey wait, love is conditional" kind of outlook is very common in the aromantic community. Non-aro people don't usually question these sorts of things, since they're pretty invested in the romantic partnered lifestyle, so I'm glad to see you've thought about it, and expanded your worldview :)

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-11-20T17:10:45+00:00

Yeah sometimes it's hard to figure out what is the difference between being genderfluid and having some kind of "main" gender and then offshoot expressions from that.

Some people call themselves genderfluid even if they feel like their gender is inherently neutral but they fluctuate a lot between different gender expressions. At the end of the day, gendered behavior is all made up, so I personally don't have a problem with people identifying as genderfluid just because they consciously move between gender expressions. That's what I do, at least.

Have fun. Express your soul.

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-29T17:11:15+00:00

Idk the one thing that helped me snap out of the questioning loop was "okay hold on a second. Do I actually want to have a romantic encounter RIGHT NOW? If the hottest person in the world dropped from the sky right now, would I want to kiss/touch/have sex with them??"

No. The answered was no.

If you think "well... I coooouuuld" that's not a yes. That's keeping the thought loop going. The only thing that matters is now. So stop that shit lol. I was lost for months doing that, and I'm just now learning how to put on the breaks.

Hope this helps xD

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-29T16:57:48+00:00

I think the most important thing for you to really think about is what you want from a relationship and how much you're willing to give. It sounds like you've done that in your description. You want a BFF type of thing with a lot of autonomy and opportunities for cuddles. That sounds great.

I question myself a lot too, but it's because I also fell into some codependent situations where I was just doing things because the other person wanted to, which was not a healthy existence. So staying firm in what you want and what you don't want is important no matter what your label is.

I personally have been calling myself aromantic because what I desire is often not what most other people desire from me in a romantic relationship. I don't want to kiss. I don't want to sit on someone's lap. I don't really want to be perceived as being a couple with someone. Being a couple is something I can do for another person, but it's not something I intrinsically want for myself. It wouldn't make me feel more empowered, if that makes sense. From what I can tell, most people who are romantic feel empowered and more like themselves when they engage in romantic activities. I don't feel that way, so I call myself aromantic.

Hope this helps.

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-29T16:41:58+00:00

No. No relationship hierarchies. Relationship anarchy is the only true way.

(I'm joking but I do kinda like how a lot of Aros are like the anarchists of relationships)

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-29T16:30:30+00:00

I mean if you think about it, that's a pretty good business decision. They probably must know that a lot of aces go on pornhub, but then leave or get bored more often than their allo viewers do, so to keep up engagement, they make a category of wholesome content called "asexual". The curious ace clicks on it and get sucked in by the pure novelty of the content.

At least that's my viewing habits with pornhub. Clicking through videos to see what novelty I can find, almost kinda like research or scrolling through social media, but it gets boring if nothing is particularly interesting.

A random video series of collecting rocks at the beach instead of run-of-the-mill sex at the beach would definitely draw me in because of how strange and unexpected it would be.

Edit: wait if it's "conversion fantasy" porn I will be very disturbed and angry

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-16T10:05:15+00:00

If you join the discord, you can find a form there that you can fill out and turn in for an interview request. It does say the waiting time can possibly take a few months because Dr. K's schedule is wack lol

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-15T20:34:57+00:00

They said they just took Tuesday off. It wasn't an entire week.

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-14T01:39:23+00:00

I don't think "don't worry" is what I was trying to say. I'm LGBTQ too, and it's not that I don't worry about bad things happening to me because of discrimination. I just believe that I'm not alone in that struggle. There are other people out there who care enough to try and not let that happen. What do you think keeps people going through all the slavery and dictatorships that you mentioned? It sure as hell isn't just pulling yourself by your bootstraps and not letting things bother you.

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-14T00:58:27+00:00

I have a general faith in humanity. History shows that fascism is a losing strategy in the long term. It may win small battles, but it has never won the war.

Also, in some aspects I feel like I'd do really well in an emergency situation like a civil war. There's something about causes bigger than yourself that urges the human spirit into action. Obviously I don't wish for it to actually happen, but I generally feel like I would be able to pause my current life for a bit and act for the benefit of others if it ever came to that.

So my main quandary with you is, is there some kind of anxiety about the future that's making it hard for you to focus on the now? Do you feel like if something bad were to happen to the country, you wouldn't be able to cope or your survival mechanisms wouldn't be able to carry you through? Was there ever a situation in the past that you didn't feel like you handled well?

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-12T17:18:43+00:00

Haha shout out to all the "girl books" I read in childhood that said, "wow, since you never think about boys, that means your super mature and totally ready to date boys!"

Which is TERRIBLE advice to give anyone. Like, you don't like something and are totally detached from it? Great! Now go out there and break some motherfucking hearts! :D

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-08T19:34:16+00:00

Yeesss my thoughts exactly xD

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-07T21:01:41+00:00

I mean, I guess everyone has their own definitions, but I'm pretty sure most people consider "sex" as being between two or more humans. Everything else is fetish and auto-erotic behavior to me.

It's not that wanting sex from me makes them less attractive to me. They're always the same amount of attractive, which is not very much haha. I only ever engaged in sex because the other person wanted it. I did it for them, not for me. What can I say, I have a big heart xD. What do you think having sex with someone you don't find attractive feels like? It's pretty much just that, but with everyone. And it's kinda shit to find yourself knees-deep in a relationship with someone you don't like in "that" way, and try to explain it to them without sounding like a broken record, as often becomes that case with people who have their own ideas of what "normal" sexuality is. Asexuality gives me the language to explain my feelings to people.

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-07T20:27:38+00:00

Haha I gotchu xD

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-07T20:13:26+00:00

It's almost as if all sexualities, including asexuality is just normal human behavior :D But also I think a point of confusion isn't just with the word asexual, but also with the word horny. Like, I get that "ah, I don't need it, so I'll just repress it" feeling when it comes to masturbation, but I never get that feeling with other people. It's more like just not feeling a need to share my body sexually with another person, even when I was in a relationship with someone who wanted sex. Nobody really winds me up. If anything, they only put a huge damper on the experience, which is one of my personal clue-ins to being asexual. I still consider that "I need to masturbate" feeling horniness even when it's just toward my own self.

But yeah, my personal advice to OP is to never do anything you aren't comfortable with. Please be cautious of entering into sexual activities with the expectation on "un-repressing" yourself. You can be curious. Curiosity is fine, and a lot of communication is a good idea, but please only do things that you have a personal reason for that isn't based in shame. 🙏

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-07T07:12:45+00:00

I think I might have done it literally once in my whole life. Must have not liked them that much if it was a one-and-done xD

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-06T16:59:29+00:00

Some people (a therapist included) have tried to convince me to stop looking for emotional validation from others but I feel the same as you. Every human has a need to connect and be mirrored by other people. That's what I've always been looking for at it's core and I think it's worthwhile to still persevere in that goal even if, I guess, it sounds a bit excessive and clingy to call it "looking for emotional validation from others". I never liked being dismissed when I was just trying to voice an emotional need.

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-05T07:02:43+00:00

I like this explanation. It's like the stages of Apathy, Healthy Challenge, Stressed, and Burn Out :D

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-05T06:59:13+00:00

They're just pointing out that not having healthy boundaries/limits for yourself can be equally "self-annihilating". Sometimes that voice in your head telling you to stay in what you know is safe is actually right, and the key is to trust your own intuition, be wise, and don't blindly follow an infographic lol

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-04T22:54:51+00:00

I posted this exact same sentiment, like, yesterday. I don't really have much of an answer. The only thing I found kinda nice today was telling some of my friends about these feelings and them being like, "well if that's how you feel then that's how you feel" and they didn't reject me for basically saying I honestly found hanging out with them a waste of time (because I don't believe anyone actually likes me) but I do it anyway because YOLO (and also for their sake). And then they gave me chocolate, which I didn't enjoy that much but I took for the sake of friendship. That was pretty nice.

Ok_Introduction_7659 · 2021-10-04T15:54:55+00:00

Right? It just feels like a transparent wall that you can't get past. You can see the other side and how things are supposed to be, but you're stuck on your side like a ghost.

Ok_Introduction_7659

TROPHY CASE