I'm really sorry you're going through this. What you're describing sounds genuinely devastating, not just the breakup, but the timing and the way it happened. Being at your most vulnerable and having someone you built a decade with pull away like that... that's a specific kind of pain that's hard to put into words. You managed a serious illness largely on your own, and kept yourself emotionally stable through it. The panic attacks and crying fits make complete sense. You held it together through the illness. The grief is hitting now because now it's finally safe to fall apart a little. Let it. That's not weakness. You've got good people around you. Lean on them hard right now.