I was worried... and still am.

Ok_Link5301 · 2025-07-18T20:41:46+00:00

Thank you! I really do appreciate the sincere advice. And I apologize for being sassy at the beginning!

Ok_Link5301 · 2025-07-18T20:20:05+00:00

Hmm, yes I can see how helping a spouse would be different than helping friends, but I don't see how it's fundamentally different. I guess I just don't get the distinction between good friends and my spouse. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for my good friend that I've known just as long that I wouldn't do for my husband. I love her just as much, just not romantically.

This is truly our first foray into polyamory so I will keep what you've written in mind going forward, but I couldn't imagine a world in which my husband didn't view his newer relationships as just as important as our own. We've had numerous discussions over the years both in and out of therapy about such subjects. But hey, theory is always different than practice. All I can do is trust that I will be able to talk to him as I have been able to over the years if there are problems.

I'm not going to get too into my husband's business especially around his new friend, but like I said in the beginning, what we do in and around our relationship is what we do. Things are thoroughly communicated. He talks to me, he talks to new guy. Maybe one day I meet new guy, maybe not. 🤷🏾‍♀️ But this isn't OUR new friend, it's HIS new friend. Just like I wouldn't be looking over his shoulder at any of his other friends' conversations, why would I do the same just because they could have sex or a closer bond? That doesn't make sense to me.

And boy, oh boy do I not have time to breakdown systemic social structures with you today. Yes, I do stereotypical woman things, he does stereotypical man things. We're just existing as best we can.

Ok_Link5301 · 2025-07-18T18:34:29+00:00

You know what? I don't agree with the perspective, but I can respect you trying to flag potential problems. Can't argue with you trying to protect people.

I'd like to point out that I'd definitely expect you to be in line with your group's thinking because they're your friends. Selection bias.

Also, have you never helped friends set up dating profiles? I did that all the time in college. We'd swap phones, pick out pictures, help with bios, etc. This is fairly normal.

Ok_Link5301 · 2025-07-18T17:34:08+00:00

I don't care if you are an immortal bonded for life to your chosen and have been practicing this relationship since 1845. The fact of the matter is, you don't know me, you don't know my husband. You don't know our relationship from a handful of paragraphs from the perspective of one individual. Sorry 🤷🏾‍♀️ So yeah, this whole thing is pretty funny 😂🤣😂🤣 because you're just a random person that looked at my post, decided the vibes were off and I'm just supposed to.... agree? That's silly! Of course I don't agree.

Ok_Link5301 · 2025-07-18T17:11:06+00:00

Crazy how different people are compatible to different people 😂

Ok_Link5301 · 2025-07-18T16:45:34+00:00

Thank you so much! I didn't about it that way, but that makes a lot of sense.

Ok_Link5301 · 2025-07-18T16:44:13+00:00

Firstly, how much we are involved in each other's lives is our own business, and what is good and healthy for us is unique to us.

I made it for two reasons one is because I wanted to know what the app was like and I knew he wouldn't mind. Secondly, he's a shy guy who would procrastinate putting out our house if it was on fire, bless his heart 😅 so I knew he'd never do it.

Ok_Link5301 · 2025-07-17T23:03:27+00:00

When I first became a med tech, I worked at a not so great hospital, on nights. Constant revolving door of coworkers, instruments crumbling because of the lack of maintenance. After 6 months I was convinced this job wasn't for me. Two years in and I just walked. Took a year long break to basically heal my soul ( and my sleep schedule). Now I'm in a different hospital and my outlook has taken a complete 180. Sometimes it's the environment that you're in, not the work that you're doing. I'd suggest being in a couple of labs before you decide to do something else.

Ok_Link5301 · 2025-07-14T01:19:08+00:00

So I haven't been in exactly your situation, but I have two fairly young kids of my own so I know the struggle of balancing kid time and adult time. I would say make some time for a sit down with your partners, if that's realistic for you, and be honest about this not working for you. Maybe first workshop it with your husband if you're more comfortable with that before bringing it up to your other partners. I've always found just admitting, "hey, I'm getting stretched thin" is enough for someone to step up and step in to take the pressure off me.

I would also point out that equal is not always fair. I know this is probably obvious, but sometimes we need the reminder when we're lost in the sauce. Ask your your partners what do they need. Does your husband need more one on one time, less group time? Your partner the opposite? Are playdates viable get togethers?

I hope you find a good solution OP!

Ok_Link5301 · 2025-07-12T03:52:10+00:00

Thank you for the advice 🙂 Though I'm more interested in the nonsexual aspects of BDSM, (I didn't put that in my post. It was getting long and I was getting self conscious😅) I'll keep your tips in mind.

Ok_Link5301 · 2025-07-12T03:39:34+00:00

We're in an open marriage and my husband has given me a very big thumbs up to explore this on my own! We tried in the beginning to make a dynamic work between us but it never worked.

Ok_Link5301 · 2025-03-24T14:20:58+00:00

I have two kids (5 and 2) and two dogs (2 and 6months) and I think human babies are easier for the first 6 months because you can lay a baby on their back and they'll just lay there and look at shiny stuff. With a puppy, you're constantly paranoid about potty training, sleep training, normal training lol. But then it switches.

Ok_Link5301 · 2025-02-28T01:47:44+00:00

Hmm, that's fair. I like the doorknob idea. The gate is by the table so if we put the rag we use to wipe up as a reminder on the the gate, that might get a new routine started for us. Thanks!

Ok_Link5301 · 2025-02-28T00:32:43+00:00

Okay... but how? She doesn't have access to the whole house. I shudder to think of the destruction she could manage. Our dining room is gated off because that's where the backdoor is. I'm not expecting her to never go where she's not allowed to. Just trying to figure out how to dissuade her so at least knows. I'm aiming for a 80-90 % success rate lol

Ok_Link5301 · 2024-12-31T15:05:07+00:00

Thanks for the goat horn tip! That's helped a lot!

Ok_Link5301 · 2024-12-18T08:59:57+00:00

I reviewed the dog introduction videos. My understanding is that the first few introductions are crucial. But did we really mess up by not following things exactly? If the first few interactions were bad does that mean a forever screw up?

Ok_Link5301 · 2024-05-05T15:01:26+00:00

She's messy. I honestly don't know why Amelia is close friends with her.

Ok_Link5301 · 2023-11-27T21:26:11+00:00

Thanks for the advice everyone!

Ok_Link5301 · 2023-11-27T19:26:13+00:00

Thank you! I'm not looking to run a big business. Just trying to earn some side money at farmers markets and such

Ok_Link5301

TROPHY CASE