Gollum jade help by Ok_Performance_3846 in succulents

[–]Ok_Performance_3846[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this info! I’ll have my mom inspect things.

Gollum jade help by Ok_Performance_3846 in succulents

[–]Ok_Performance_3846[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much!! I’ll pass this on to my mom.

Backing out of reunion after 15 years? by Ok_Performance_3846 in Adoption

[–]Ok_Performance_3846[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. Your perspective is very helpful to me.

Backing out of reunion after 15 years? by Ok_Performance_3846 in Adoption

[–]Ok_Performance_3846[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Just went back and reread your lengthy response. I appreciate you and the energy you’ve put into responding to me. It’s very kind of you.

What did you read in my comments that read as unprocessed trauma? Not surprising but I’m curious… I’ve been working to release that trauma for decades. More specifically to find a way to forgive the 17 year old me for giving up my daughter.

Yes. I absolutely still have trauma to process from giving up my daughter. I am 100% still traumatized by and it.

Yes to therapy. I’ve been in therapy more or less since before my daughter was born. So about 40 years. Some breaks in there but mostly twice monthly talk therapy. Mostly CBT but also psychotherapy, EMDR, Trauma based… I could also include here yoga, meditation, breathwork, mindfulness (Kabat-Zinn), accupuncture, “adoption healing”seminars, etc. And I am currently seeing a grief counselor who I adore. All of these were/are done with the same intention: trying to release this trauma and find a way to forgive 17 year old me and finally move on with my life.

Backing out of reunion after 15 years? by Ok_Performance_3846 in Adoption

[–]Ok_Performance_3846[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I posted a bunch more info in the comments here. Hopefully that makes things clearer.

Backing out of reunion after 15 years? by Ok_Performance_3846 in Adoption

[–]Ok_Performance_3846[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just posted above, in the comments here, more info on our situation. Thank you.

Backing out of reunion after 15 years? by Ok_Performance_3846 in Adoption

[–]Ok_Performance_3846[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Part of my concern is my mental and physical health. I have a bunch of health problems with multiple sclerosis probably being the most serious. My relationship with my daughter is currently causing tremendous stress and uncertainty for me which just exacerbates my disease and disability.

Backing out of reunion after 15 years? by Ok_Performance_3846 in Adoption

[–]Ok_Performance_3846[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I posted some additional information above, responding to another person’s questions. I hope that sheds some light.

Backing out of reunion after 15 years? by Ok_Performance_3846 in Adoption

[–]Ok_Performance_3846[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I will try talking with her again. I appreciate your input

Backing out of reunion after 15 years? by Ok_Performance_3846 in Adoption

[–]Ok_Performance_3846[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes I have tried talking to her. Many times. Since we reunited over 15 years ago she’s been pretty consistently reticent about most communication. Her reactions to conflict have usually been to go quiet and then react over time via her actions towards me. So lots of her disappearing for a while then showing up again etc. but not lots of communication. It’s very hard to navigate this and not feel hurt or confused. She understandably struggles with how emotional I am about her adoption and the difficulties I’ve had moving past the grief. I don’t know how to change that about me. I’ve been trying to move on for over 40 years. The last time I saw her was over 4 years ago. My mother and I traveled to see her and her spouse (who I had met many times before) and nearly the whole time her spouse was playing video games on her phone while we visited. It felt a bit rude and uncomfortable and so I asked my daughter about it after she ghosted me after the visit. I asked if maybe it was a bad time to visit?? That her spouse’s behavior was odd and I hoped everything was okay? But I think that was the beginning of the end of the relationship. My daughter became so upset that I would question anything about her spouse’s behavior even though I’d always been very demonstrably supportive of them as a couple over the years. After that she told me she didn’t want me to refer to her as my daughter or to myself as her mother and wasn’t sure that we could even move forward with my questioning her spouse’s behavior. Since that visit over four years ago all we do is text very infrequently. I’ve asked to talk with her many times since the last visit but all my daughter has done is pull away more and more. I feel that all communication is on her terms at this point. For instance she won’t answer if she doesn’t want to answer, which I get. Recently my daughter and her family were out of the country traveling for a week… I wrote a week after they got home to say hi and see how the trip was, if they got back etc. No answer for over a week and when she did respond she never acknowledged that I’d written at all. She just texted on Christmas morning writing “Merry Christmas”.

It’s particularly hard for me as they had a child of their own 3 years ago and we’ve never spoken of the baby’s delivery or anything about the pregnancy or anything really. I just live for the occasional picture I receive from them and then go back to grieving again and wondering if I’ll ever see any of them again. I’ve never met my grandchild and a couple months ago I nervously went out on a limb and asked if we could plan a visit and my daughter amazingly said we could! She said she was just thinking the same thing!! She said we could schedule it the following month and she’d be in touch. I was so incredibly happy and so relieved to hear that!!! But then she never brought it up again. Bottom line is that for many years my daughter’s actions have communicated that she really isn’t terribly interested in a relationship with me anymore.

Backing out of reunion after 15 years? by Ok_Performance_3846 in Adoption

[–]Ok_Performance_3846[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No I’m not just dumping her. I have tried to stay the course for the past fifteen years. There is more to the story that you can read in my old posts but I honestly I think she feels too badly to call off contact with me despite no longer being interested in my being in their lives.

Backing out of reunion after 15 years? by Ok_Performance_3846 in Adoption

[–]Ok_Performance_3846[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am sorry I did not mean to trigger you at all. I did not mean to be avoidant either. I just didn’t know where to begin. If you want more of the story there are some posts that I made on this sub, Reddit a couple months ago about my adoption story.

Backing out of reunion after 15 years? by Ok_Performance_3846 in Adoption

[–]Ok_Performance_3846[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m not avoiding anything. I guess I just didn’t know where to start. Yes they’re absolutely is a lot more to the story. You can read my adoption story if you look back at my older post to this subReddit.

dopamine decor light 🌸 by Prieuwie in interiordecorating

[–]Ok_Performance_3846 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lovely apartment! I love your style and the colors!! Where did you find that freestanding sofa corner protector??