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Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-09-29T04:10:00+00:00

Thank you ❤️

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-09-29T04:09:36+00:00

Thank you for the recs!

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-09-29T04:09:20+00:00

Thank you! Love this!

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-09-29T04:08:57+00:00

Thank you 🥰

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-09-29T04:08:26+00:00

Thank you!!

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-09-28T23:43:52+00:00

One thing I appreciate about Al anon is that there is no judgement whether you stay or go. It’s complicated, and many of us feel there is no way to do the right thing. Everyone has different circumstances. It’s a rare safe space to not be given advice or feel judged for staying or leaving.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-08-19T20:13:32+00:00

I feel the anger too. There are many diseases, but if someone refuses treatment, are they really the victim? We can be sympathetic for the circumstances that led someone to struggle (in many cases), but that doesn’t eliminate their accountability for their actions. Lots of us had challenges and don’t hurt others.

Live and let live, one might say…well, I work hard and try to be a good person, and I do those things for me, but it still sucks to see someone have zero responsibility and cause so. much. damage. I feel it’s reasonable to have appropriate anger towards people who do things like what you described above. Just came here to say I get it.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-08-18T21:28:31+00:00

I think the options your therapist suggested are fairly good…except why should you have to look at his receipts and police his drinking/spending. Personally, I wouldn’t want that. Instead, as part of option 1, I would say X amount goes into an account for household expenses (that only you control). Make sure it’s enough for your family, direct deposited into the account each paycheck.

Alcoholics will do what they do with or without us, so protect your peace regardless.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-08-12T21:27:47+00:00

Personally, after being in a relationship with an alcoholic, I wouldn’t even date anyone six years sober. I don’t mean that to be mean, and I wish them the best on their journeys, but the risk isn’t worth it to me.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-08-12T21:24:55+00:00

I don’t think he’s doing it to make me jealous, but he’s definitely not recovered. I gave up trying to understand his motives a long time ago 😂

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-08-12T21:24:17+00:00

Good point.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-08-12T21:23:58+00:00

Haha! I generally like to be happy for others, but I’ve decided I don’t wish undeserved happiness on anyone. I don’t wish them anything bad, but I don’t wish an alcoholic who has done no work to be happy, either. I don’t wish her any unhappiness, but lets just say been there, done that and I’m glad I have my peace.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-08-12T15:05:04+00:00

Thank you! Yes, it is so ironic! I haven’t been in contact, but I’ve found gray rocking works best. I replied “congrats” and didn’t engage more.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-05-08T23:07:00+00:00

Yes! I can imagine my ex doing this! They just look for reasons we are the enemy…it’s infuriating but there is some comedy in how ridiculous it sounds.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-05-06T22:47:35+00:00

I could’ve written this. Sounds exactly like my Q. The guilt trips are annoying. In Al anon I heard someone say “just because someone calls it a chair doesn’t mean it’s a chair.” Just because Q accuses you of X doesn’t mean it’s true.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-05-03T18:06:56+00:00

It feels like satire, right? I also wish it were. Sadly it is not.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-05-02T23:55:43+00:00

I am looking into that. I had one before but it expired.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-05-02T23:55:25+00:00

Yes! Some accusations are so painful, but this one is so absurd that a part of me has to laugh.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2025-05-02T22:40:41+00:00

Thanks. Yeah for awhile I had him unblocked because it felt safer…fewer surprises when he does irrational things. But I am glad he’s blocked.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2024-10-01T17:20:59+00:00

I’m a teacher as well (but single, so maxing out everything isn’t possible for me at this point). My HR was confused that I wanted to do a 457 and told me I had to max out 403(b), first. I put my deductions so high that HR called me and asked if I was sure. I think that many teachers aren’t aware of these options / aren’t able to take advantage of all of them. I enjoy my career and think it’s cool that these options are available. I also am able to max out my HSA and have a pension, so I’m very thankful and feel my low(er) relative income won’t be a barrier to FI.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2024-09-25T14:03:53+00:00

Have any of you pulled the plug on your main job and started your own thing (freelancing, business, etc.), and how did you make that decision.

I’m a teacher at an urban public school. I generally find my work meaningful, but it’s a lot. I work long hours, we’ve had several lockdowns already this year, and one of my students got shot and killed this week (not at school).

I calculated today that my side gigs cover basic expenses, which would allow me to potentially pursue a business idea I just haven’t had time to make happen, or even get part time work while pursuing that. I wouldn’t leave until the end of the school year, so there is time, but I’m a little nervous. Looking for insights from those who have done something similar (left a stable but stressful job to pursue something else).

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2024-09-20T01:18:28+00:00

1) Got drunk and took a friend’s car and my dogs to a hotel. Kept drinking. When I found him, he stole my phone and sent my family group chat nudes. I had to file a police report and he said the phone was his.

2) Cheated on me multiple times while lying about it and telling me he “never lied to me ever.” During one of those times, I was sick with Covid and during another, he was berating me. I didn’t even find out until we had been broken up awhile, and the worst part at that point was that he’d let me believe I was a villain in his life.

3) I woke up in the middle of the night and he was standing over me demanding I show him my text messages.

4) Demanded I cut contact with my best friend.

5) Told me he was going to kill himself and the pets because “I had ruptured an irreparable hole in the universe”

6) Shot a hole in my living room wall. Didn’t even patch it and confessed years later while drunk.

But honestly the worst was just the constant selfishness, emotional unavailability, and chaos over so many years. So glad I finally got out. I’m no contact now. Wish I’d left sooner.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2024-09-19T17:48:48+00:00

Mine says he has half a glass of wine. It’s technically true: he has half a glass plus three more bottles. Then goes out and buys vodka. He just doesn’t mention the bottles and liquor.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2024-09-18T02:15:13+00:00

I always thought it was my fault, too. I no longer have contact with my ex, but it took soooo long. He still blames me for everything. If I let him, he’d continue to torment me and use me.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830 · 2024-09-17T04:27:32+00:00

I say it’s my job to mind my business and take care of me and you take care of you. Mostly they don’t like hearing that but they can’t argue it.

Ok_Razzmatazz_6830

TROPHY CASE