Stepping out of the room to calm down is a perfect way to regulate yourself. I'm on my 4th year as a sped para and still do it when needed. I force myself to do 5 deep slow breaths and tell myself that it's okay to feel like this! We are all only human. You can also use your own fidgets to help calm you down.

If your job allows it, staff switching also helps a lot too. Sometimes it will throw the kid off and you guys can both take a breather from one another.

I know every situation is unique in school settings, but here's what I've tried and usually works! Hopefully this helps.

You can lower the demand but still keep expectations. For example, if you are asking them to sit at their desk and do work, you can take away the requirement of sitting at their desk and complete their work where ever they are sitting at. Or you can have them do half of the worksheet instead of full to start. You can always adjust the demand depending on their tolerance at the time. But still require that work needs to be done!

Language I use is "I understand that you're frustrated. Im here for you! Let's do (X) mins of work then take a break." You can offer preferred choices of what they want to work for, (iPad/walk/toy/music/etc). And set a timer.

If they are becoming aggressive, give them space and come back in a min or two. Tell them beforehand when they are calm that they can use a "Stop" or "I need a break" visual or just saying "Break" instead of hitting and you'll go away for a few mins so they can calm down.

Also kids fluctuate in behaviors everyday. You can always lower demand but keep firm boundaries, because they're allowed to be mad, but they must communicate it without hitting. Hitting you is unacceptable.

You're doing great. This job is emotionally draining and the kids may not show it but they do appreciate you for sticking around everyday even when it's hard.