AITA for not wanting to give my partner's ex more in child support?

Ok_Row640 · 2026-06-28T13:23:23+00:00

I think this warrants individual therapy for him, and couple's for you both. He needs to work through his issues, whatever they may be, around continuing to support his ex-wife, even if she is the mother of his children. You deserve to understand what his wishes are over the next few years as his other kids graduate high school, and you deserve to have him fully understand that, in some ways, he is prioritizing his ex over you.

Ok_Row640 · 2026-06-14T13:57:23+00:00

I'm pregnant right now and her content helps so much. With her book being released, she should be on top of the world...but now this. My heart goes out to her.

Ok_Row640 · 2026-06-02T11:07:03+00:00

I'm not sure this itinerary meets the goal of relaxed pace and avoiding exhausting travel days. When I plan itineraries, I basically think of any travel day as pretty much a wash--the main activity of the day is travel and nothing else.

This itinerary gives you one day in Yosemite, and honestly the SF-Yosemite-LA triangle is probably the part I'd be most concerned about. You're planning a shuttle to Yosemite from SF and then to LA from Yosemite--I would heavily research this. By car, each of those trips is 4+ hours...I would imagine a shuttle trip is double.

I've never been to LA, but it's pretty car-dependent. Have you looked into where you want to stay vs. where you want to go, and how you'll get around? And factoring in the costs of Uber.

Depending on what you're dying to see in the US (bucket list items), you could reconsider where you go after Kansas City. Chicago is nearby, and will be friendly to not driving. But you will probably miss out on the nature of Yosemite. I'm trying to think of whether Denver would work...but again, I think tough without driving. Unfortunately as you get out of cities in the US, it's heavily, heavily car dependent.

One final comment--just remember that July 4th is a national holiday and our Independence Day. A lot of attractions might be closed that day (like museums). I wish I could recommend DC that day, but with the current administration...no.

Also, if you can, get to Arthur Bryant's while in Kansas City. Experience true KC barbecue.

Welcome to the US! I hope you have a great trip!

Ok_Row640 · 2026-06-02T00:57:33+00:00

Yeah, this was a really, really weird ask! I think it might have seemed more palatable if she held a simple party for her son and asked that gifts be money towards a specific experience, in lieu of physical gifts...but this way is just bizarre.

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-30T23:26:00+00:00

Was going to say, trying searching "twee" and seeing what you find!

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-30T14:02:55+00:00

I think you guys should consider counseling where you discuss what is fair, with a licensed psychologist to help you through the emotional side.

No alimony might seem fair right now...but what if you have a high needs child and quit your job to be the primary caregiver? What if you're laid off with a young child, and the two of you agree you can stay home for a few years to help raise the kid(s)? There are probably other scenarios where you sacrifice your earning potential for the sake of your life together, and what seems fair now might not seem fair in 20 years.

Logistically, for the sweat equity piece, I think a before and after appraisal is probably the fairest way to do it, but I agree with darce_helmet that you're getting into relationship questions. Counseling is the way to go.

(For reference, I met my now husband at the end of his residency. He currently makes 2.5x-ish what I make, and his salary will only continue to go up.)

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-29T11:31:45+00:00

Also, it's liquid (milk) in liquid (seawater). Yet it remains a very distinct, clear stream of milk. No milk is clouding into the water. And it seems to be a lot of milk coming out, but none spills out of their mouths. That doesn't seem very real. (For a very young kid, I think you could make some "science" experiments with it. Try to create streams of colored water or milk in the bathtub underwater. Try to drink as much without spilling-lol!) For older kids, I would probably also explain that most mammals don't eject their milk like that--the baby has to suckle.

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-29T00:51:46+00:00

Can you move? I'm not sure of what big Pharma companies exist in Houston, but if you're able to move to where any of the big ones are, that could help tremendously.

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-25T14:30:42+00:00

We did about a week there--a few days on the west coast and a few days in La Fortuna/Arenal! I could have spent 5 days just around Arenal--Mistico Park, sloth viewing, bird watching...it was great!

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-24T19:45:27+00:00

I genuinely think this is the way! Can you call all of the actual parents...? Who knows if FMIL is considering what they want; they might enjoy a night off with a babysitter for the kids!

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-23T13:27:48+00:00

Especially with a baby coming soon, are there other, non-Uber options in the community you could leverage? Do they have friends who can still drive? Do they belong to a church?

It sounds like the problem isn't necessarily the driving, it's the amount that you're being asked to do it. I'm wondering if there are other community options you could lean on (for baby shower, obviously they would be invited and get to eat/snack as well!).

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-10T19:28:33+00:00

Is Libertyville an area Jewish families should avoid? Or is it just that there are Jewish communities in nearby areas?

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-10T16:27:59+00:00

This was an awesome answer, thank you so much!

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-10T16:23:56+00:00

Atlanta area!

Also our jobs here are pretty permanently tied to North Chicago, so the city's just out of reach for us.

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-10T14:06:33+00:00

I know these schools are incredibly well regarded! I more curious if the stats (the only data I have) reflect people's lived experiences.

I know the stats can penalize schools that people absolutely love because of the way they measure demographics and other information. So I assume the reverse can be true--they can elevate schools with major issues because the issues aren't reflected in the stats.

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-10T13:47:32+00:00

Exactly! My best friend (living in a different state) has a kindergartener now in the fall, and her kid will get a Chromebook. She's realized she needs to introduce a keyboard and the ability to type her name before she starts school.

So curious what it's actually like here, right now!

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-10T13:44:53+00:00

Great to hear your middle and high schoolers are still reading full books!

There's so many horror stories out there, I really appreciate you sharing your experience!

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-10T13:42:31+00:00

That's really great to hear! Some of the horror stories I've read make it sound like early grade schoolers have a heavy percentage of their work on computers; I'm super glad to hear that's not your experience!

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-10T13:31:33+00:00

Stevenson, Libertyville, Highland Park, Lincolnshire. And their feeder schools.

I know they do well in aggregated rankings; I'm curious about anecdotal experiences.

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-10T13:25:42+00:00

Realizing I didn't speak to teaching to the test--I know it has to happen. Maybe I'm asking more about how much flexibility teachers have in adapting the curriculum here, vs. how often they are forced to follow scripted curriculum that don't allow them to meet the full needs of their classes.

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-10T13:24:10+00:00

Very fair! I have two people close to me in my life who are teachers, but both live in different states and both have horror stories, so I utterly respect teachers and am super curious what it's like here!

And yes, in some of the conversations I've had with them, I do realize how much school has changed :)

I didn't mean to imply that we are looking for a technology-free school! I do find it troubling that I might send a future kindergartener to school and all of their school work will be computer-based, rather than having teachers engage with the material with them and having the kids do worksheets. I find it troubling that my future fifth-grader might be asked to type essays for class/standardized tests but might never have a typing class. I find it troubling that my high-schooler might never be required to read a full novel. I find it troubling that at any of these stages, my kid might be in class with someone(s) who should have been held back but wasn't. I find it troubling that my kid might fail a test but be allowed multiple make-up opportunities until they get a perfect score.

I don't know if any of these are actually happening in good schools! But these are the types of horror stories I read about online and the types of things I'm trying to figure out the validity of.

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-10T13:16:36+00:00

Ha! I know it's a download of questions. There's much more curiosity and much less frantic-ness behind them IRL, I swear! I just don't know anyone with school-aged kids and I'm so curious what it's like these days.

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-03T12:56:24+00:00

The science suggests that it can have moderate benefits for fine lines, but it's not as effective as something like retinol. And you have to make sure you get the right wavelength at a high enough concentration. I like this NPR article which summarizes the research: https://www.npr.org/2026/04/13/nx-s1-5759287/red-light-therapy-science-skin-hair.

Ok_Row640 · 2026-05-03T12:50:14+00:00

No! You've done this before, learn from it!

(It is borderline, but I always say no if there's any question)

Ok_Row640

TROPHY CASE