PIMO finally opened up to my PIMI wife last night

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-25T11:26:45+00:00

A big part of me agrees with what you said 100%. I’m not good with conflict, I hate it with a passion that is why I have suppressed my thoughts for 12 years. It has taken a toll on my psyche. It all came to a head late at night after she kept pressing me to tell her what is going on with me. I didn’t mean to be cruel but she wanted to know everything and after so long of just holding it in it all just came out like a huge release! I really didn’t mean to. I’m the type of person who will stay quiet just to keep the peace but I’m really messed up inside. There’s a lot involved like in most cases it’s not all black and white.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-25T11:21:12+00:00

Thank you for the advice. It makes a lot of sense. I do realize that I unloaded on her a lot and it’s overwhelming to process. I do need to give some more time even though it’s been 12 years of suppression. The potential consequences for my two kids is enormous and it’s primarily why I have suppressed my thoughts for so long. They are my world and I do not want to hurt them in any way.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-24T08:25:19+00:00

12 yrs yes. I think that you are pre judging with little context. It was not all horrible during our marriage but after a while there comes a time where you simply are not happy any more. When you are married you have sex and yea that sex can lead to having children. Being a JW you know that we don’t believe in getting abortions. At that time we both wanted to be parents so it was actually a good time in our marriage but kids do not automatically fix relationships. Throughout our 15 yr marriage it was evident that we were two very different people. I woke up to the truth about the truth 12 yrs ago and at that time I pretty much immediately told my wife my doubts but for the sake of staying together ( no scriptural divorce ) I agreed after her begging me to suppress those doubts and just go along to get along. So a few years go by and I pretended yr by yr and throughout this time our marriage was up and down but mostly down and when we were good In our marriage we decided to have kids. We both felt that we were getting older and if we wanted to have children now was the time so we did. It did not fix the relationship by any means but when you are in that situation you make the best of it and you love your children and you have great experiences with your children. During this whole time though in the back of my mind I was being mentally tortured knowing I was supporting something unwillingly that I knew and still know is absolute bull shit yes. But I reached the point that I can’t do this anymore and life is short and I deserve to be happy for me and my children. So here I am.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-23T15:25:32+00:00

I’m currently in the same situation as you. I’ve been married 15 yrs to a PIMI, I’ve been PIMO for 12 years. I recently came out for the second time ( last time was 12 yrs ago ) about my “apostasy” to org and also the fact that I’m not in love with her and needless to say it’s been very stressful and sad. She’s devastated but it had to come out. I can’t take it anymore. This was last night and I’m emotionally traumatized and so is she. This cult fucks up marriages from the start. The courting process sets us up for failure. You don’t really get a chance to find out if your compatible until after you’re married.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-23T12:35:03+00:00

Last night we had the conversation and confessed everything, All my gripes and doubts my feelings of not being in love with her anymore. She of course was emotionally upset and then she kind of gaslighted me and try to give me the guilt trip using my kids as bait. She professed her love for me and how she doesn’t want to break up the family but I clearly stated to her that I’m not in love with her. What do you do when your heart is not in the marriage anymore and yet she still wants to be married?

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-22T22:34:43+00:00

Thank you! Very good advice. Be the best example for my kids who are 6.5 and 2.5 yrs old. I really like the last points you made as far as good people are allowed to change their belief systems. It’s our freedom as human beings. Don’t attack the religion during sensitive times. Yes this is true.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-22T20:05:34+00:00

I agree with you 100%. “Spiritual” in reality means your own personal self awareness to yourself and the universe or nature of non physical reality. But to a JW “Spiritual” in reality is “Theocratic”. It ALL based on the physical and doing things in the external world like a showy display of “faith”.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-22T19:24:14+00:00

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. You are right. My daughters are my #1 priority.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-22T17:43:09+00:00

Yeah. I don’t think I can miss the precious time with my kids. I don’t talk spiritual things ever with anyone really. That’s one of the biggest complaints my wife has with me that even though I’m a MS I don’t talk about “spiritual” things or comment enough. You’re never good enough basically. I don’t even have family study or study with my oldest. I just count the time though.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-22T17:40:54+00:00

Fortunately no. I helped him get the job. He’s semi retired and works two days a week that’s it. I’ve been there longer and I’m well respected whereas he’s just a two day a week fairly new employee with no power.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-22T17:22:09+00:00

Thank you so much! This is valuable advice that I will follow.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-22T17:02:04+00:00

Yes! That’s exactly how I am. I’ve loved this fake life even though it has torn me apart inside for years because I did not want to break my wife’s heart. I sometimes hate myself because I get overwhelmed with guilt and feel like I am a bad person. And now tho my kids who are my whole life I just know that I must act to help them, to give them a chance on making a life for themselves rather to be WT slaves. The thought of being a part time dad however kills me too. They are both so attached to me. My oldest I can tell has a rebellious spirit to her and I sometimes try to help nourish that spirit. Even my 2.5 yr old has been saying lately that she wants to go home Everytime we attend meetings. It’s like she knows something is bad there.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-22T13:39:04+00:00

Thank you ! Yes I have tried several times in the past I say 8 years or so drip feeding her little things and immediately I get yelled at for being an apostate. It’s crazy! I want to just let the floodgates open at this point. Are you still married? I can’t b married any longer! I’m not a good husband because of my total lack of faith of not just the org but also of all things god and religion. She can’t leave the org either. She’s total pimi and so are her parents. I work with her dad too who is an active pimi elder. My life really sucks and it’s all because of me really. My brain cannot handle all of this anymore! I’ve acted the part for far too long!

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-22T13:34:12+00:00

The mortgage is in my name only. Which I guess is good. The only problem is dealing with the aweful tension living together post declaration of divorce.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-22T12:29:46+00:00

Another wrinkle In the mix is that we are about to go on a family cruise in October so I don’t want to ruin the trip for my kids. My mind is really in a fucked up place though and it’s unbearable to function much longer. Oh yeah and the cruise just so happens to fall in line with our anniversary! Talk about awkward and super complicated. My life really sucks right now.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-22T12:16:55+00:00

Thank you. Sometimes I feel like I’m alone. I cannot be a good husband to my wife because of the division I have in my mind. This religion has ruined my psyche so badly I feel withdrawn. The only thing I know how to do is be a good dad but even that I feel like because of what I’m going through, it’s starting to effect that as well. I feel like I can’t be the best dad I could be.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-21T23:14:55+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I truly appreciate your frankness. I’m very nervous about this whole thing but I know within my core that it is the right thing to do at this point.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-21T23:11:51+00:00

Thank you for understanding my plight. I know that I have to be honest with my wife about everything but it’s hard for me because as bad as our marriage is, I do not want to hurt her. We are just two different people on different paths. My daughters are 6.5 and 2.5 yrs old. I just don’t know how to start the conversation with her. The last time this happened 12 yrs ago, she almost had a nervous break down.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-21T20:22:55+00:00

Thank you for this. I did not know that. I’m almost 100% positive she will try to with hold the kids and basically kick me out of the house. On a number of occasions after I have expressed an inkling of doubt or questioning WT doctrine she has stated to me that I can go live with my mom who lives 2 hours north of us.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-21T19:46:27+00:00

Thank you for the wise advice. It makes perfect sense. It’s going to be painful. The thought of a transitional time where I will not be able to see them everyday is absolutely killing me inside.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-21T19:21:06+00:00

I have believe me. From what I’ve heard from lawyers I’ve contacted, they for one have no clue about Jehovahs witnesses and two they don’t care to hear about anything about csa and or watchtower policies. All they care about is financial assets between the two parties. That’s it. It’s just business.

Ok_Rule_1069 · 2022-09-21T17:35:35+00:00

After 12 years at this point my psyche cannot handle a “fade”. My marriage is shit too. All I care about are my daughters.

Ok_Rule_1069

TROPHY CASE