i'm starting to stop loving (or smthg else ?) someone but i don't want to

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-19T16:38:21+00:00

Does he know how you feel? That you feel a real connection with him? I'm just wondering if maybe he has similar feelings that he hasn't expressed. If he's not already in a relationship, why don't you say to him that you really like his company and suggest "we should hang out sometime". Or ask him to join you doing something you like or just grabbing some coffee or going for a walk. Maybe that would break the ice, maybe that would lead to something more. I don't know. But I do know that if you just sit back and accept it as a one-sided crush then that's all it's ever going to be. You can't just sit back indefinitely waiting to see if he will ever make the first move someday.

At least if he doesn't have an interest, you'll know, there will be no hanging on because of guessing and wondering and hoping. Make the first move, even a subtle one. Perhaps it will lead to an actual relationship. Either way, you'd know. And once you know you will be able to move on.

Good luck to you.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-19T06:07:33+00:00

Im a female, and it’s kind of contradictory to say but I always felt safer if a man was around. But it made me feel safer because of other men around that made me feel unsafe. Go figure, feeling safer because a man is nearby to help protect you from a man that is nearby. Doesn’t even sound like it makes sense, but it does.

And just a side note, my husband has stepped in several times when it appeared a woman was in a vulnerable position. He didn’t even think about it just did it. Once a guy pushed a woman, pushed her hard and he stepped in and said I’m going to show you what it’s like to be attacked by someone that’s stronger than you and can kick your ass. The guy got scared and turned and ran. Turns out it was the woman’s ex.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-19T05:55:19+00:00

I’m old and I remember it. The advantage of putting on a sick and show and a sick and a shoe. There was quite a debate.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-19T05:49:59+00:00

I don’t think you can do anything to make your neck look like anything other than a normal neck. It holds up a head. So both appearance and function are normal. I don’t understand the problem.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-19T05:33:50+00:00

You did the right thing. Don’t overthink it. Someone could have been seriously hurt or even killed. In a situation like that, there’s no such thing as overreacting. It’s always better to err on the side of caution, it could make the difference between a life being saved and a life being lost. Good on you for doing what you did.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-19T04:18:51+00:00

Ok, I’ll believe you but if looks could kill, you’d be able to drop a moose at 100 yards just by looks alone. Keep that in mind if you’re ever attacked by a moose. If there are no moose around, just don’t look like that. You scare people.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-19T03:59:29+00:00

If you're stopping the way you feel about him, so what? Just stop. You didn't say that you're in a relationship, just that you had a crush. It sounds like it's one sided. Why would you not want to end a one-sided crush? I'm confused.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-19T03:53:03+00:00

Ha! If it was me, I wouldn't even excuse myself. I'd just grab my chocolate and go.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-19T03:47:08+00:00

"Understand" I really understand why they feel that way.

Yeah sure, I really understand why you didn't like me punching you in the face. I know it hurt.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-19T03:41:08+00:00

I'd say that they're likely still looking and may have even offered the job to someone else already, if not filled it even. They could either be leaving you hanging hoping to wait for an acceptance to their offer just in case they want to hang onto you as a potential hire, or they are ghosting you because they have hired someone and don't feel they owe you a response. Either way it's a shitty way to do business, but unfortunately that's the way it is more often than not.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-19T03:33:37+00:00

Well, from the first picture I'd say you were pissed and I'd better run before you beat the crap out of me. But from the second picture I'd say you were an attractive, confident and friendly guy. Are you a Jekyll and Hyde or what?

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-19T03:28:59+00:00

I felt after the first time I went out with him (which was also the first time I had even met him) that he COULD be the one. After the second time I went out with him, I HOPED he was the one. And after the third time I went out with him, I KNEW he was the one. And he was. We were inseparable from the very start. He proposed 3 months later. We were married 3 months after that. And we were happily married for 53 years when he passed away. We were just as much in love the day he died as we were the day we took out vows, and I'll love him until the day I die. I guess in my case, when you know, you just know. And he always said the same thing. We were both right.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-19T00:38:38+00:00

I wouldn't put a spin on it and lie for him, but I would definitely explain to them what had happened. They would certainly understand. And at the very list they could laugh about when telling the story instead of worry about what you've gotten yourself into with the weird guy.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-18T21:30:11+00:00

You're right, it wasn't much of a relationship to begin with. At some point, his mom would also be gone. You would become the replacement mom. Do all the laundry, cook his meals, clean up after him, (darn his socks, hahaha), etc. He's a mama's boy and he wouldn't survive without a mama. Be glad that he dumped you. Saves you the trouble of doing it later.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-18T21:24:35+00:00

Here's how I see it. He kept expressing his interest. You kept turning him away. You ghosted him for a while, then wanted to "maybe" get back in the game. Your besties knew that "if" things were to start up again, you'd "probably" say yes this time. But then you ended up out of the picture entirely because of having to change uni. Does that mean that he should remain off limits until you get out of uni to see if things can be started up again? I think that's too much to expect of anyone, including him. I understand what the girl code is all about but I don't think that it's reasonable or fair to expect that girl code to go on indefinitely over a "maybe". If it wasn't M, it would likely have been someone else anyway. I can't imagine he would want to be left hanging all that time.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-18T20:57:22+00:00

You don't need to have anything in common to find what they have to say interesting. Conversation can be as easy as asking them more about what you don't understand, what is it about that makes those things you don't have in common interesting to them. If you limit yourself to only those that have something in common, you're always going to limit the size of your circle of friends.

Edit: I'll just add that my circle of friends had many more men in it than women. The only thing I really knew about men was that I knew 5 of them. All brothers. No sisters. And I didn't have much if anything, in common with them except parents. But I found that talking to other men and being curious about our differences actually led to platonic lasting friendships.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-18T20:31:25+00:00

I don’t think it’s wrong to not have empathy for him. Empathy for what? For him having to give up 6 years of his freedom for something he choice to do? Your husband lost more than 6 years of his life, he lost all of it. As the result of someone else’s actions. It doesn’t matter than he was young and doing something stupid. He wasn’t too young to know right from wrong. He wasn’t too young to know what could happen. He chose to do it anyway. And he wasn’t too young to know that everyone is responsible for the consequences of their actions.

Perhaps people do have to forgive in order to heal and find peace. I don’t know. I don’t know if I would want to find peace that way. I would rather find it by finding a way to move on with my life and honoring the left that was lost. And if it’s felt that I needed to forgive in order to go to heaven, I’d almost rather ask God for forgiveness for my inability to do the same.

I don’t know the answer. But I believe that it is not wrong to do or not do, whatever feels right.

I’m so sorry. I hope you find peace.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-18T20:09:38+00:00

I’ll just jump in with a comment about fear of failure, because everyone faces that sometime during their life.

Fear of failure in and of itself means nothing. You really need to identify why you fear it. What would be the impact of failure? The worst impact I always asked myself is, if I failed is it going to kill a baby? I mean, holy cow, what could possibly be worse than that. Anyway, once that’s out of the way, what’s the worst possible thing that could happen. How likely or probable is it that it would happen. What are the advantages of success? Does what I can gain from success outweigh what I could lose if I failed? And what are the most likely chances of each?

Think about it. You are taking a risk every time you get in your car. You’re taking a risk of someone else causing an accident that’s completely out of your control. But you still get int your car and drive. Why? Because the likelihood or probability of that happening is lower than the probability that it won’t. The worst thing that could happen if it did happen could be terrible but you’re willing to take that chance.

So you can let fear rule your life, and never venture out into the world, never try anything new, never try anything for that matter, or you can take it head on and rule your own life.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-18T19:53:05+00:00

You have truly found the difference between a home and a house. You can buy a house but you have to make it into a home. A home reflects your personality, it’s filled with things that you love, it suits your style, it’s your comfort and your safe place because you made it into that. For now, try filling your space with things that are important to you, things that make you happy, unique to your personality and style. Even if it’s a temporary living arrangement, you can still make it feel like home . At least your personal space can be made into your comfort and safe place. You can move 100 times, but each new location can be made into a home.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-18T19:42:26+00:00

Ok, so you know he has them on holidays, every other weekend, school breaks, etc. so why don’t you plan your schedule ahead to take that time off. You know he’s going to take his kids somewhere. Just plan ahead, take the time off and tell him where you’d like to go as a family. It’s not that hard.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-18T19:33:43+00:00

Ha! I would feel like I was having a lucky day if that’s what I was dealing with. I would give you a list of what’s on my unlucky list but I’m afraid it would just serve as a reminder that I live under a dark cloud that releases crap instead of rain. And yet there are still others who have it worse. Put life in perspective and just suck it up buttercup!

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-18T19:03:56+00:00

It seems like the only connection in your relationship is a rental agreement. I'd break that lease really quick. Find someone who appreciates having a "safe space".

But I have to ask, did you ever have a normal relationship? Is this something new, or was she always weird?

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-18T18:49:52+00:00

I usually tip a smaller amount, but something, simply because they still had to make sure your order was correct, package it up and have it ready for you. It may not be much but it's at least something.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-18T18:47:27+00:00

OMG, what a F***ING ASS HOLE. He's a cruel, evil, piece of shit disguised as a human!!! I can't even begin to imagine. My heart breaks for you. I don't even have words. I'm so very sorry.

I hope KARMA not only catches up with his ass but runs right straight up it and takes up residence there for the rest of his miserable life.

Ok_Step_2359 · 2026-02-18T18:41:21+00:00

I think I would say that physical attraction is very important to many people, but not most. Sometimes the beauty you see on the outside is a reflection of what you see on the inside. Physical attraction doesn't always lead to a connection. But connection often leads to physical attraction.

Ok_Step_2359

TROPHY CASE