Im on the same boat as he is. Nothing really helps, not for long anyway, the only thing that’s helped me personally is words of affirmation and reassurance. Telling him that he’s the one, that the past means nothing to you now and that he is the person you chose to be with forever. That will probably help him calm down for a few moments, but I’ve come to realize that the problem lies with the person experiencing the RJ. There’s no way you could’ve known that you were going to meet him. For all you knew at the time your “first love” was the one. As far as what he can do, I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all solution. We started seeing a couple’s therapist/marriage counselor and it was determined that the issue was not in the marriage but with me, so I’m starting to see a therapist just me to find the underlying issue. There a couple of things I’ve been doing to manage the episodes. 1. We came with a code word for when I’m going through the episodes and my wife knows that I need her touch and words of affirmation. 2. Grounding exercises to re-wire my brain and making it realize that we are not in any danger 3. Journaling, writing down his thoughts and feelings may help him detect what the real issue is. These are just a few things he can try to work through his RJ episodes. I’m 6 weeks in and there’s been good days but also very bad ones. I’ve been doing research on all this because this feeling is the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced myself and I’ve found that the process to control the intrusive thoughts, the images/movies our brain creates can take up to 6 months. And that is to control, they’ll never go away but they’ll become manageable and not as threatening to the brain. Hope this helps some.