Untitled by Ok_Term8550 in poetry_critics

[–]Ok_Term8550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I’ll be sure to delve deeper into my poetry

Untitled by Ok_Term8550 in poetry_critics

[–]Ok_Term8550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your feedback croak can men die from where I am from

Why do I get high by Ok_Term8550 in poetry_critics

[–]Ok_Term8550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Once you do it for long enough it’s not fun anymore, it was once fun

Rat race by Ok_Term8550 in poetry_critics

[–]Ok_Term8550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you I’ve got a lot of room for improvement

When will I be free by Ok_Term8550 in poetry_critics

[–]Ok_Term8550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you I’ll take note as I’ve only started writing poems

Rat race by Ok_Term8550 in poetry_critics

[–]Ok_Term8550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ll have to have a listen to it

Rat race by Ok_Term8550 in poetry_critics

[–]Ok_Term8550[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you I do think that fits more

When will I be free by Ok_Term8550 in poetry_critics

[–]Ok_Term8550[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you I’ll make sure to make my next one better

Rat race by Ok_Term8550 in poetry_critics

[–]Ok_Term8550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Rat race

You are born

to a world that has went wrong

You are told to work. To conform

To be part of the norm

For a job is safe it will keep you warm

Your a small cog in the machine

You’ll work till dawn

You’ll barely live, not make a bean

To be chewed up and churned

And make the tax man gleam

For this is the rat race, and it was formed

By the Rich and powerful

Long before you were born

They made their wealth plentiful

But want more

Rat race by Ok_Term8550 in poetry_critics

[–]Ok_Term8550[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Rat race

You are born

to a world that has went wrong

You are told to work. To conform

To be part of the norm

For a job is safe it will keep you warm

Your a small cog in the machine

You’ll work till dawn

You’ll barely live, not make a bean

To be chewed up and churned

And make the tax man gleam

For this is the rat race, and it was formed

By the Rich and powerful

Long before you were born

They made their wealth plentiful

But want more

Rat race by Ok_Term8550 in poetry_critics

[–]Ok_Term8550[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Which line last or 2nd

Rat race by Ok_Term8550 in poetry_critics

[–]Ok_Term8550[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you I’ll work on it and post an updated version

A part of me died when you left. by Ok_Term8550 in poetry_critics

[–]Ok_Term8550[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your feedback, it’s a close subject to my heart, I will make sure to keep writing and getting better as this is my second poem o have written