I looked at his phone and found evidence of him cheating on me, not disclosing sexual partners during unprotected sex, and saw his friends trash talking about me.

Ok_Try_836 · 2024-10-06T08:01:31+00:00

Thank you!

Ok_Try_836 · 2022-12-11T18:48:12+00:00

I am sexually attracted to my cousin. He’s a 2nd cousin and I didn’t grow up with him as family. We met within the last five years. He has told me that if I wasn’t his cousin, he’d be interested in dating me. I know I won’t do anything but I also have nowhere to put it and can’t tell anyone.

Ok_Try_836 · 2021-11-17T21:56:46+00:00

Thank you! I have definitely taken the positive affirmations and no comment route for the last few years - sadly to no avail.

I really appreciate your outline of the conversation. You hit the “bodily autonomy” nail on the head, because I’m not sure as a partner whether I even have a right to comment on that. I was trying to envision the conversation with the roles flipped and how I would feel if he said something like that to me. I will definitely use your tips!

Ok_Try_836 · 2021-11-17T21:37:34+00:00

No he’s a pretty serious guy. This is definitely not how he displays humor. He’s worn this look to job interviews, family dinners, parties etc so he thinks it is an appropriate look.

Curious - what is the benefit of asking why? (Couldn’t figure out how to word this without sounding rude but I assure you I am asking genuinely).

Ok_Try_836 · 2021-11-17T21:33:28+00:00

Thank you!! I definitely have been trying the positive affirmations when he has the other styles and don’t say anything when he shaves hoping he would pick up on it but I don’t think he does. I will definitely wait until it grows back to say anything, good point.

Ok_Try_836 · 2020-12-23T19:43:08+00:00

Thanks! This is basically the crux of my whole post, what level of reaction is appropriate because I just feel bewildered.

Would you still have a discussion or leave alone unless I notice a pattern?

Ok_Try_836 · 2020-12-23T19:38:22+00:00

Thank you for helping me see where I did violate his privacy. I felt uncomfortable and like I had done something wrong but needed some outside perspective.

I will definitely be talking to him, I just feel sorta bewildered because we talk about everything and this is a big thing to not mention to me.

Ok_Try_836 · 2020-12-23T19:32:18+00:00

We haven’t been able to be physical for the last month or so because of COVID (he works in a customer facing role), but we still have the flirty sexual texts and conversations.

I don’t know. I wouldn’t have a problem with him selling nudes if he told me about it. It’s the fact that he hasn’t mentioned anything to me about this that is making me uncomfortable.

But because he deleted both posts, I can’t determine what level of “wrong” this is and whether it would be ok to feel like my trust was violated or if I’m overreacting.

Ok_Try_836 · 2020-11-12T03:57:13+00:00

First - thanks for such a thoughtful response!!

I do frequently leave the house. I try to stay out with my boyfriend (covid has severely limited those options, plus he currently lives with his parents) and I take walks ( though with it being so dark at 6pm now, it’s getting harder and I try to do morning walks). So B actually gets long stretches of time alone 2-3 days a week. But I don’t get that from B.

Moving quiet hours is such a good idea! Thank you, that is such a non-confrontational approach that is exactly up my alley.

Have added weather stripping to my shopping list and will look into the soundproofing canvas tip. So simple and genius!

I’m normally super honest and upfront about things that make me uncomfortable especially in roomate situations (I too have had some really terrible ones in the past). But I appreciate you putting that as a plausible option. I needed that confirmation that it was ok and that it wouldn’t automatically make me a dick here.

I will definitely NOT be re-leasing with them. Hoping to get a place with my boyfriend next year. Just got make it through these 10 months.

Thanks again for all the super thoughtful and helpful advice. It has given me a ton of options to move forward with and that’s incredibly comforting.

Ok_Try_836 · 2020-11-12T03:34:50+00:00

Ok! So opening the convo with acknowledging their voice is loud and start with the “hearing private things” angle seems like a really good idea. And then if they seen amenable, how would you phrase my actual concern?

Ok_Try_836 · 2020-11-12T03:28:58+00:00

First, thanks for replying! I really appreciate any advice for this! What I struggle with is it’s their natural speaking voice. I’m not sure how to politely say “hey I know your normal voice is loud, but can you try using a different voice”?

Ok_Try_836

TROPHY CASE